I try to find clarity in this constantly changing world.
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suddenly..i feel angry. so. i'll do something irrational. i'll jump to a conclusion. and for want of a better one.....
YOU F******B**CH!! i'm pretty sure by now..everything has blown up loh. and most likely you told someone abt it. you know what? go to hell and f*cking die for all i care! damn i have enough of trying to be rational about all this and everything okay! so TAKE YOUR SORRY PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A PERSON AWAY AND DIE! omgg.. what exactly is with your attitude. did i EVER tell you?? it's only cause of esteem for someone that it got rubbed off on you and gave me a first good impression on you!! B*TCH! you just threw it away! and when i try and forget about you and your f**ked up life?? it just comes back. in some form or other. f***!! you think you so hurt and wronged and MOST PROBABLY go and KAOPEH to him/ FINE. see if i care. you can poison all the ppl you know against me and i STILL WON"T BLOODY CARE. you know why? cause if they are your 'close' frenx[u most likely just suuucccked-up to them] they aren't WORTH my time to worry about. THEIR OPINION OF ME IS NOT WORTH MY TIME. get it? so go AHEAD. go and bloody poison their opinions, and since i don't see the point of defending myself.. i'll just count them out of my friends list okay? bleah. and don't say you AREN"T close to him, cause i remember VERY distinctly you telling me that you were his DAMN CLOSE FRIEND for dunno HOW MANY yrs. so fine. FINE. it's just that i don't have the mood or 'stamina' or i will prove it to you that you aren't the ONLY charismatic and lovable person in theis ENTIRE UNIVERSE of SINGAPORE. damn you man... and while i'm at this..i might as well vent some other things that i only voiced to some of my frenx since i found it too petty to blast here.
please, don't try to bloody argue in english. you AREN"T the female version of anthony! so just ague in f**king chinese or someother pathetic language but DO NOT abuse the english language by using it in the pathetic way you do. puh-leese...u know the last time i argued with you. i could have laughed if i didn't find it a WASTE OF MY BREATH. u were just using one wordds to try and stop me from saying anything.. and so many times i waited to follow up that one pathetic word with a WORTHWHILE arguement..and NONE EVER CAME> oh yeah? when one came? it was just one PATHETIC SENTENCE, accusing me of stuff, and without any basis whatsoever. and you with those PATHETIC noises? it's not cute okay..it's like a f*c*ing animal! so cut the shit and just be a RATIONAL un-act-cute homo sapien! but..i think it's impossible for this freak that you are. so why am i even wasting my time writing all this crap? i'll tell you why. cause i'm downright pissed you had to spoil a perfectly good friendship for mi! and i'm only saying you spoiled it, because i can't think of ANY REASON WHY HE WOULD SUDDENLY BE SO DAO! oh man... i'm not close to him, but we are friends and i like him as a friend! and suddenly, BOOM. something's wrong. WHAT??!! i DON"T REMEMBER DOING ANYTHING. and i asked my friend to find out if he is mad with me over smthing i did. SO. what do i conclude? FINE I KNOW THIS IS IRRATIONAL AND JUMPING TO CONCLUSION AND WHAT NOT CRAP> but i CAN"T STAND IT ANYMORE!! it's not like i have all out problems with anyone u know. i'm like, peace to the WORLD! even my nemesis Hu Bin is on ok terms now. i'm having more peace now than for the WHOLE tiem i was stubbornly refusing to get out of a social circle that was killing me! my youth! damn! say i'm digging up the past or anything! but i resent alot of things that happened! i wont' say it to anyone, even my best friend didnt' know what i felt so much of last yr! cause i didn't want to be petty, didn't want to make a big thing out of a small thing! i didn't want to be un-nice, i just wanted to tolerate and be meek n quiet. always smiling and happy. but it's the small things that break you. and all last yr i refused to break! it hurt alot okay! and now it's all coming back! it's liek i'm reliving everything. i hate it! i hate it all! i wish i never went there, i wish i nvr knew some ppl. but it's the past! and i can't change it! now, all the time i'm haunted by the past. and all the emotinos i ddin't let myself feel then just come alive again and course through my body. and sometimes i'm being ripped apart, and i can't even cry. i open my mouth to scream and i can't, cause there's people around. i want to punch anyone in sight, but i treasure my friends too much to do that to them. i want to fine that person and tell him everythign i didn't before, and i CAN"T. it's frustrating to be stabbed inwards while you can't even remove the knife that stabs yoU! and you can't heal the wounds. you can only cover them with bandages, yet the blood will seep thru, and will stain your vision of everything else. and the irony. when i'm feeling at my worst. when i'm losing rationality. when i'm on the verge of collasping. Pr. Ko slams me with being a leader at the Gospel Camp! Koko is a leader too, ANTHONY[vomit blood], joni[vomit more blood] and daniel[vomitvomit]. can die lah! i'm the only sec three leader besides ANTHONY! AND THE REST ARE ALL GUYS!! omg! is this a joke??!! and WHY DIDN"T I TURN PR KO AND MR JACOB DOWN??!! WHY??!! DON"T ASK ME. i don't know and i don't konw anything now. except that i'm hanging on...simply for the people i love.
PS: i'm sorry if i sound really beatchy and irrational.but that's me right now/ love me or hate me. you can't change me.
http://www.syvum.com/cgi/online/oatm.cgi/squizzes/physics/heat_capacity.tdf?0#answers
dear ppl who have physics test next week, in the event that our dearest mr Chee decided to slam us with one. then. the webbie above is rather useful. ahha. anyway...
CAN YOU BELIEVE Koko is trying to LEARN singlish. aiiiyyoooohhhh....so lame. Better you learn the history of ancient egypt lah! kamu gilaaaa gilaaaaa gilaaaa. hehe. nth to say man//
so. nth happen today, just went home after playing, and then slept after practising Endless Rain for awhile. grahh... Guitar club is no longer da fun thing it used to be. oh wait. since when was it fun? it's just not as peaceful anymore. challenging now. cause i must practise! if not kena *kua suay* which i will NOT let happen lah. hmph. so...thus saying.. i shall go play again...since i have nothing much to do now besides waitin for my bleach to load. haha.
well..other than that the other things i've written are too...weird for reading. haha.
today..got my chem paper. let's see the over all scoring for this wks midterm tests. =)
Chinese- 51%... >_<
Physics-A2... careless mistakes cost me SO MANY MARKS!!!
Bible- haven't got it yet!! ><'''
Maths-13/20.. MORTIFICATION!! dana got a freakin 15!! ahah... i SO GOTTA study more maths...
Chemistry-25/28... okay..i'm HAPPY!!! lol..but it was an easy paper lahh.. Chandi got 27!!... shi zai pei fu ta!!
and last wk, not really a test..
English-[comprehension] 23/28.. it's english....
anyway..on a note away from studies...haha. i realized it's useless to argue with someone who has THEIR OWN MOUTH and THEIR OWN BRAND OF LOGIC.
here's why..they can say anything they want, and say it's their business cause it's their mouth. and all manners or whatever goes out their window. =.= lame..
//pardon the misspellings..meant to be written as spoken//
**Tha piano guy's comin right?
His name is Linus not PIANO GUY...=_=
Thas HIS business not mahh-ine[mine]
It's YOUR mouth..
Thas the point, it's MAH mouth so i can say what i want..
It's still his name..
thas HIS problem..i can say what i want cause it's mah mouth.//
fine i was bored so made this argument for the fun of it, but if he uses this logic for everything...it's not hard to imagine why 80% of the ppl believe him to be one heck of an arrogant person. LOL. No man is an island..although i must admit sometiems i wish i were one. then i could just say it's my freakin business and bloody stay out of it.
but then think how it would be to always handle your problems on your own? see..not being an island works for the benefit of all...even thought u don't realize it.
PS: For some reason i still 'won' that argument..cause he remembered to use his name after that. XP now, tell me again why i'm so naughty??hah..
so..next thing worth mentioning.. song service ytd was FLUNKED!! SO DOWNRIGHT BAD. my dad was kinda mad even.. haii. wadvr..not like we wanted to go up there and sing right? we were forced. coerced. haha. only reward being not having to listen to the principle during assembly. lolx.i hateeee the song Forever is a long long time. SO HARD TO SING!!!!! gahhh... some idiot keep sayin we're not singing somemore..hmph! he lagi not singing...tell him dun talk so much siahz. so. at least dana sing yah.. =)) gd.
today went Macs with devil n charcoal. lookin for a new name for charcoal. i think Keeh is nice larh... lol. cause Kywe mah..so Keeh. haha. anyyywayy. ate SO much..feel fat now..all thosse calories. *shudder* but it was worth it..i was hungryyy..nvr eat a meal since like...620 am. ahha. but hor..come back still hungry lehh. haii.
On the way back in the bus..keep wanting to cry..dunno why. Aiii... What to do? Girls are emotional creaturess..haha..
Piece your soul together,
Allow your mind to soar,
Reach to the stars to fulfil your dreams,
Ravish the beauty of the night,
Open your eyes to the rainbows,
Twined on the mountain over yonder.
Love you people!! huggs...
well...here's the...song..or whatever u wanna call it. crap is also fine by me.
well...feeling moer down than usual lately..even above the fact i tell ppl i'm happy. i mean...math, physics, chinese not doing that well...even victories are hollow victories because 'the sandard in SYAS is not as high as govt. schools' and such crap. apart from studies... with my same gender-frenx i'm fine... but btwn several guys. gah. they get sooo irritating. guess cause today was guitar class. and i got stressed out again. i mean...i reallyyy need to control my temper AND my mouth lah. especially in the annoying company of our guitar club President mr anthony setiardi. IT"S DAMN ANNOYING!!! firstly, we DO NOT talk to him. secondly, Pr Ko forcdes him to teach me a guitar piece, which i can SEE he does not want to do. he doens't wanna! period! so why the fking hell do YOU have to make him teach me who does NOT wanna learn from him either??!! oh mannn...
and his attitude was just So maddening towards the end lah. i mean..i dun blame him, since the atmosphere in the room was hardly cordial to him..but...oh wadvr.....i'm SO going to make sure i get the basics of that song b4 next wk.or totally lose face. which i'm not prepared to do in front of a PARROT.
next entry i'll enter this thing i wrote for someone who hung on to a guy for a really long time and just got scarred by it. it seriosuly was an easy situation to understand...u know..been there done that...haha...so... till then ppl... take care!! =))
It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care
I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you
I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
and Once upon a song
Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you
I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you
and i mean every freakin word. haha..
haii..two tests down three more to go. todae had chem..it was simple-er than i thought would come out. but two MCQ was of the topic i FORGOT to study or didn't find impt!! haiii.... and ytd..the chinese test was average lah.. found the dictation quite reasonable..except for like about 6 characters. haha. and the sentences were mostly words i had made sentences of b4.. erm...passages?? both multiple choice luckily..so hope can make it lor. haiiz. one can never predict chinese scores. ahha. nvm..let's JIA YOU and PASS!!! if only lahh..haii...
on another note..
sigh..
going to miss all mii sec 4 seniors!!! sobsobsob... miss Head Prefect..Lien Jiejie...yan hong jiejie.. P'PIM!! lol...and daniel's damn low bass in reciting the pledge too. oh ya..koko...then i can't laught at gilbert anymore too...haiii... Shi Ming jie also!!!!ahaha...how could i have forgotten her??!! oh then Master Arwin also gone...hikkksss..his poor disciples no where to go...hikksss hikksss.... skali anthony become new Master. WHAKAO!! slap his face larhhssdid i blog about the time pr. ko was trying to make us break the school rules???? well..
we were like going for Guitar CCA right..and then since no one else was around except the Envyiians and anthony and another nameless indo guy...pr kept playing with us lah! first go from devinna downwards and try to match us with the idiot. then we were like protesting our inavailability lahh. haha. toopid buggah.... [oops i shldn't say that he's a teacher><]
anyway.. after our violent protests once, dev said anth already got gf..in fact he already got 3... so anth say that devinna got bf..the-guy-near-awan-house. HAHHAHA. then dev start screamin like crap and running arnd the room like a bunny gone mad. >_0
so..then..she started going on and on -in revenge- about the fact he had 4 gfs..which included two gays. lolx. so funny lah..mi n sherly just sit there quite happy to laugh..until pr ko turned on us..thx to dev. =.= say tad sherly available..then i say no lahh sherly already got someone in her heart..haha. then she say dawn! can! and then i was like...WTFH!!!so embarrassing lehhs!! nvm..very easy...i just say my heart already got someone srry..haha. then she's like WHO?! pr ko also i think/. i just kinda mouthed/whispered it to her..but stoopid anth got very sharp ears lahh... was like.. Dah-??!! dah what??? den pr ko started putting names tgh n he came up with the name on the first try. n i was so pissedddd with anthony lahh. Ta hai wo!! hmph.. so i ran over n wanna hit him..n he was like..'whad did i do?? whaddd??? i nvr say anything!! just say dah only..smthing wrong with saying dah??' while trying to avoid whatever he thought i was gonna hit him with. =.= as if i dare lah plse.. lolx.. wait P'Pim come kill mi siahzz.. okay fine..mayb not..ahha. but then i still bu ren xing to hit ppl i dun really know well. soooo...finally pr ko told us a story about anth and *** while he went out to answer the phone for the SECOND time. and it was SOOOOOOO romantic n mushy siahz. hahahaha// and just at da interesting part the idiot had to make his reentrance. lame lah. so no time to finish story..mayb tml we go find pr ko and beg him to tell us. heeheehee.. and yeah, nth more to say about the person in mah heart lahh..i also not sure. i think now still got two ppl running around in there.sian! hmph...wadever..i'll just killl one. killllll killlllll
okay..so that was last guitar class. didn't learn ANYTHING ok. haii. lame. but it's okay..was quite fun still. and simply to defy that idiot, and of course since i always wanted to go lah, i'm going to go for the Gospel Camp. my tiingtiing and aunt nghi also goin!! dana n shipeng n enqiang n eniln also going. so i shld go. ahha. but actually one person enough to make mi go larh... i think.... should be fun swimming there man!! the beach was SO nice..hehe. mayb pisao B will go? then Awan cloud will go too. if B go..then more thai will go also. haha. okok..tml muzt register with pr ko ler//// YAY..one wkend out of this place!! hahaha...shuang...with school peeps smmore and NO coughcough..adults besides the occasional teacher. haha.. XD oh! i just realized..if anth is going means pim is going! if pim is going....mayb my sec 4 seniors will go like LIEN!!! yayss...haha...
wadever..i'm so random now...haha.
okayy i better go study soon...haiizz...keep forgetting i'm in the middle of the term..and that means there's alot of tests. next wk already got one...and who knows how many more will come.... wish mi luck ppl!!! =)) luv u all faithful readers of this nonsensical blog. *huggs*
It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care
I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you
I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
and Once upon a song
Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you
I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you
and i mean every freakin word. haha..
haii..two tests down three more to go. todae had chem..it was simple-er than i thought would come out. but two MCQ was of the topic i FORGOT to study or didn't find impt!! haiii....
~~New Year Resolutions]]+1.~grow taller than my mom (i really hope i can!!)2.~try to be calmer and have stronger nerves3.~always be nice even when pissed4.~love God more5.~eat more (if not cannot grow right?)6.~read the whole bible thru7.~get good grades in skl8.~not hate anyone 9.~blog more regularly (hope i have time!)10.~play more with my dog so he won't be so bored11.~be more 'guai' with my parents, or at least rebel nicely. HAHA12.~improve my temperment13.~be more optimistic14.~go gym more often15.~survive chinese class16.~try not to label any more ppl a 'toot', there's already too many17.~answer smses quicker, and pay more attention to my phone18.~read more english books with good english19.~study harder20.~try not to listen to rock Well..that's my resolutions..
wonder how many of these i did....hahaha....so long ago i just searched my other blog's archives to see them..ahha
Moonlight shimmered softly on the falling rain, making it look like golden streaks falling to the ground. The night seemed infused with a magical atmosphere. Leaving the dreamlike view, a girl turned silently away from the rain-streaked window. Having cried all night, she slumped heavily into an armchair with red-rimmed eyes and a vacant expression. Gazing mutely out of the window, being crushed by the immense depression weighing heavily on her heart, she cursed God for her troubles. Having lost all joy of living, she did not care if lightning struck her for her blasphemy, indeed, she would welcome it. Suddenly, in her pain-filled mind, something snapped. Springing wildly to her feel, she yanked open an expensive teak drawer. A shining, well-sharpened knife lay ensconsed in folds of velvet.Despite her riches, she had never been happy. All her life she had tried to find something to fill the vacumn in her, something real amidst the phony aristocratic life she led. Desperation had driven her to seek happiness in a man. She had now contracted the incurable HIV and was also pregnant.When the news came, she had then lost all desire to live. Her lover had heartlessly abandoned her and she had no family. Now she would seek death as a way out of her dark valley...THe morning was bright and sunny but strangely no birds sang. Perhaps they too knew of the tragedy. Lying in a mangled heap on her expensive silk bedsheets, the woman had a knife still clasped firmly in her hand. She had stabbed herself repeatedly in the abdomen, evidently venting her anger on the unborn fetus, until her organs were shredded and the womb lay in a bloody puddle on the marble floor. Then she had cut both her wrists so deeply the bone showed through and the blood gushed like rivers. She thus died, guts and baby surrounding her, while the night had darkened the earth. Now in the morning, her muscles had frozen, leaving her dead body in a grosteque position and a frienzied, crazed expression carved on her face. Her skin was pale, nearly transparent.All the blood had been drained out of her.She lay there undisturbed. A fly that had somehow penetrated the closed windows settled down on her bloodclotted knife. No one would know of her death until she failed to open the door for a random visitor because she had lived alone and died alone. Outside a dog howled mournfully, it was as if he cried for her, and for the many similar unhappy people on earth.....
wellllll...ppl are saying i'm not blogging enough. hahah.. i agree. there's so much that goes thru my mind that i wanna write here and then it all disappears in an instant just when i decided to write it!! haiizz.. what to do? anyway..another reason is...time. >_< seriously...SYAS is slack? well...obviously my math teacher nvr heard of that. she's given us two tests in as many wks and there's another next wed. what is this??!! and on top of that, everytime she says it's so darn easy..n it turns out SO DARN HARD. lie no question ever seen in her lessons OR homework. i mean seriously, if u wanna give us that kinda standard in tests, give us the SAME bloody standard in class and h/w!! damn... i'd rather have tough h/w n lessons than fail ok!! darn u.... haii... but over all she's really swt. XP anywayyy...
next wk is going to be THE worst wk in my school life so far. face it, even EXAM wk wasn't so bad! at least there was someone to distract me and everyone was in the same big hall doing it tgh. more fun! but now? tests. PRACTICALLY every day of the wk!! chinese test on monday. CHEMISTRY test on tues. bible and MATH tests on wed. and BIO test on friday. oh man...where's the planning and everything?? grahhhh.... and this is freaking sec 3..not even sec 4. oh well...i shouldn't complain..this'll help prepare for the end-yr exams ba. haiizz...
this wk had math, english, and PRINCIPLES OF ACCOUNTS test. HAHAHA... POA turned out relatively easy compared to MATHS...but that was pure luck. from what i remember..mr Jacob has a certain sadistic tendency towards his unfortunate students. hnneehehehe...
i guess i should write about school since there's practically nothing else on my mind right now besides ..that's for later anyway.
let's start with our beeloved teachers..hahaha...
my darrrrlinggg form teacher... is ..well...tempermental. but fortunately not as tempermental as some. on her bad days...she can give me the worsts grades..on her average days, she'd be average...and on her great days[which are pretty often], she'd be just totally the best teacher in da world. ahahah// well, she gives us heaps of independence and doesn't believe in nagging us like SOME of the teachers. when one of the guys Do misbehave for her, or she gets a complaint from a teacher, she deals with it fast n quick. no long lectures or anything. haha.she kinda rocks that way... but sometimes i DO NOT understand WHAT ON EARTH her corrections mean!! ahha.. yeah. but she hasn't failed me for english yet so i won't contest the marks. haha. she does really lenient marking..so i'm worried my english grades aren't really what they are. >_< anyhoo....she once said in front of the whole class that for the last comprehension exercise, 'even dawn scored very badly, right dawn??' and i was like...just nodding and wondering what the heck exactly was my score!!!?? 17.5/22.... and that is very bad. argh...and the worst thing is a didn't see what was wrong with two of the three questions i answered wrong! oh well...muz try again..b4 she say i fail....
i'll do another teacher another day...i gotta write smthing b4 i forget again...
im' getting so confused by my heart!! seriously wanna take it n throw it away, but that would make life super super boring..haha. well... i really dunno. why can't i be one tracked like some girls i know?? why must i choose btwn two pple?? it's so confusing...and idunno what i'm feeling myself. ahaha. so retarded, i know. mayb should ask pisao for help... hmm.. aiya dunno lahh... it's like... somehow i keep feeling he's da one i want to give my heart to but then on the other hand i'm afraid. i'm afraid to hurt him again. afraid to make a mistake and 'read' my heart wrong again. afraid i am in just a passing phrase. afraid i may be unfaithful. and with so much fear comes confusion. and with confusion...comes sleepiness. okayy..goodnight ppl. ZzzZZzzZZ.....
today went thomson church. kao eh...some pple are SO attituded man...hmph. i'm sorry but u really don't have the right to get pissed with me over being close to him because. i. do. not. consider. myself. as. one. of. ur. best. friends. and i only back off when it's one of my besties guys. and PLSE it's not like i bloody like him man..!! at least ask me first okay if u think i like him??!! gosh. oh well...small thing...shouldn't bother me aye? yupp//
well..thursday got super depressed..just thinking of all my weak areas and everything. it's like, we did this really horrible song service cause we didn't practise and all.i mean, yeah i know u are a COOL parrot but for goodness sake can u at least go thru the songs a few times with us so we know how u play?? bleah. and then i had a feeling mii singing was bad on that day-well it always is- but it wsa especially worse. and then i come home and my mom gives me some crap about dunno WHAT. so while showering..i started thinking about all the things that seemed wrong and so i just started crying.and then even more things came to mind and all the pent up emotions and stress just came flowing out and simply making me want to scream and punch something/someone. since i'm not the kind of person who can cry easily[except for a weird period of time this yr] it's like all the stuff builds up and simplky explodes when it's given an extra stimulus. haha. but seriously, i haven't made up my mind if this wk is good or bad. really.
good:
devil is happy.
dana is happy[i think]
sherly is sober
got smiled at by Killer Smile
went swimming/gym
i have an appetite
Bad:
girl-pride got thrashed by someone.unintentionally lah.
lost control and seriously wanted to bash some guy's head in for insulting my friend
got 15/20 for maths test 1. i could have done better dammit!!
got suan-ed by my all time nemesis. *****. hmph.
neutral:
SOMEONE is wearing my ex-bf's cologne!! it's SO annoying!! omg..... it's like...on wednesday he wore it. and i was like. WTH??!! i didn't know who it was coming from at first lah...then...GAHHH!!! of all ppl. him. >< and i don't like the memories and emotions that particular scent stirs in me! it's scary! it brings up things i don't wanna remember! it makes me just want to cry sometimes yet other times i just wanna laugh. and of course it being me sometimes i just get mad.most of the time, i just want to cry and wash away the memories with tears. but i nvr can. mayb one day when i get pushed too far i will. but i haven't cried in school yet. and so it all gets bottled up inside and i just start acting crzy cause i'm masking everything with laughter. ANYWAY. back to that thing. i got trapped in the same room with him on the day he wore it strongest. man! i was out of there in less than two mins cause i knew if i stayed i'd just start going crazy and make a complete fool of myself. haha. so. this is the situation of the stupid memories and cologne. and that smell is so bloody strong i can scent it when coming down the stairs from the fourth floor, and it's all along the third floor corridor. worse, if u enter his class...grahhhz. on one hand i hate it on the other i hate it. why?? becasue they carry bitter YET swt memories, as much as i hate to admit it. i mean...our first relationships are the most long lasting on the memory and also the one that leaves the longest impression.
well. that's all. i gotta go for my long overdue dinner. haha. cya ppl...sry for the slow updateing. =)
okayyyyy...
Twin that starts with Z, if u think i was talking about u then i am if u think i'm not then i'm not. but if it was blasting someone then it's not u lah neither is it the other twin. ahah.
anyway. i just came back lastt night or should i say this morning from Kulai!! it was sooo nice!! ahaha. kena spoiled by some ppl lahh. zhao gu wo de hen hao.. lol. hmm..went there on friday, straight from school. i finished my last class at 2, but had to wait till 3 cause shipeng had class till then. so just slack with P'B since devil was in her chinese class thing lah. haiiz. talk about ppl...mico tangah...anthony parrot...erm,,,awan cloud. then after that..lorenz-daddy came... and he kept interrupting my conversation with P'B!! haiizz...nvm..more the merrier. haha. then mico tangah came...n richad also. -.- end of story. no more sana conversation was able to continue with these nuts around. ahha. i told richad to go to the toilet and talk to the toilet bowl when he said he was sooo bored. ahah. cause he was irritating the guts out of mii. lol. and then finally after a long wait we left. only 5 of us so can take car. lol. three of us in the back-shipeng mi n enqiang- were 'fighting' half the time. shipeng slept SO much. then he sleep already almost fell on mi. so i sit forward n he slept behind mi. twice. =.= funny thing was when he woke up n en qiang told him abt that he was like... ZHEN DE MA??!! lol. funny. then the next day being saturday...went to the kulai church. it was a house church. haha.met alot of frenx there!! the Twins, cai zhe, and two other guys. one reminded mi of dana, one was just plain cheena. hehe. after strugglihng to stay awake thru the whole day till about 3..the talks were over!! so..wait for mr fam to wake up n take us back. haii. he sleep so long!@! so while the two guys socialized i slept on the floor. after sundown weent for dinner then shopping...shipeng bought cha dan
and trieed to peel themn in the car. -.- stoops bugger...burned his fingers n kept yelling it was hot. YA OBVIOUSLY IT"S HOT DUH!!. okay. so then we got stuck in the traffic jam. and when i reached home it was like...late..about...12++++. haha. so ends my memorable trip overseas on my own. nice.
well...i gtg
pisao pim is soo swt!! haha. she wrote this really swt stuff in my Book. it really helped keep me strong ya..haha. thx so much if ur reading this. haha. Devil's entry is also encouraging everytime i read it..makes me remember life isn't made up of just those ppl who give me problems.
anyway. i'm problem free!! no problems!!
i have succesfully survived two days in school seeing THAT person two or three times a day, and still keeping my sanity while wondering if he konws i pranked him. hee. not that it matters if he knows. HAHAHHAA...i was bored man...whad else can a bored hyper n socially restricted[ self-restricted btw] girl do when she can't see a person for a whole freakin month??!! hahaah. crappin'..i'm sure u can tell. =)
but whatever..he ain't worth it. alot of guys ain't worth it. cause they will end up leaning on u more than u lean on them. which reminds me, one thing i respect mii ex for... is that i realized he gave me so much more than i gave him, emotionally. and he nvr said too much about it or boasted of it. lol. love him forever for that..but... haiizz...some things..aren't that lovable. heehee. anywayyyy... as i was saying..life is more or less perfect..
Except that my dad wants my head over my bill and my mom is mad at me for saying-stupid. DAMN!. what the bloody hell is wrong with the word stupid! i should say f*** in front of her n see what she has to say dammit!!!!and my bill??!! hello>??!! he makes a fuss over it cause it is $10. however, it was spent on OVERSEAS sms, so he thinks it's extravagant and whatnot crap. okay FINE i admit it's crazy but HELLO??!! u didn't even give me a chance to say anything about how it was a decision of the moment and that i kinda regret it?? no. u just started raising ur voice about how i'm not working yet and am already spending so MUCH money. if u didn't get so worked up i could have tried to make u see why right??!! why is it I always have to listen to what YOU have to say but u seldom listen to what I say??!! is it fair? fine. ur older than me. u sired me. FINE. BUT I"M GROWING UP DAMMIT?? u want me to listen to u forever and live off u forever?? if not than let me do some things i want to do and have some opinions of my own and for goodness sake do u ppl know how to CARE BUT KEEP UR OPINIONS TO URSELF SOMETIMES??!! haiiizzzz...
anyway i better go do my geo project now. i swear i'll positively start hating newspapers. grrrahh! at least the whole of sec three is suffering with me. hehe,,, most of them...i can't speak for alot of the guys. coughcough.. ahhaha//
okayyy... just finished watching Legally Blonde!! omg..it's nice! i could so rate it my fave movie!! anyway. after watching that thing, i realized, i could study law. i mean..i like thinking-what ever i think about is another story though!- and i could learn to be more confident in speaking. hmm. option to consider, since my initial idea of being a vet has fallen thru. LOL.
Point number one: i regret talking to the b****** guy
Point number two: you should have done exactly what i told u seeing it was concerning my affair.
Point number three: i should have been more natural about the whole thing[ i'm a social retard! whaddya expect??]
Point number four: i think i'm getting stupider every day
Point number five: life never gets better, it gets worse, but u can make it better.
so that in mind, i shall do something always seen in those movies. -> Girl ignores all involved parties and just goes off giggling with her girl friends and continues like nothing EVER happened. and just remembers that one stupid person's opinion does not count, and that no one else knows about it and no one else is going to look at her with weird ideas in mind. pray i have the will and strength to carry it through. haiiz.
gwash. i can't think of anything else except the fact he might think i'm so retard. heh, mayb i really am lah. dammit. but nvm, school will rock the same way, cause i WON"T LET IT AFFECT ME AGAIN!. haha. guys. not worth letting them affect ur life. i seriously can't believe how much i let one guy affect me before. shocking now that i look back. i mean,puh-leese, at this age there are SO many fish in the ocean, and dammit, they're only fish after all. hehehe. =P so c'mere fishy fishy, let me cook u n fry u cause i'm sick of looking at u. ha. thank goodness i recovered my 'a-guy-is-just-a-guy' attitude, and looking back, i really really am miffed-at myself. damn. i don't believe i cut myself over a guy, much less overdosed. man..i was nuts. must've traded my brains for my hamster's sawdust. hmph. or mayb that guy was just a wizard of sorts eh? i don't know, maybe it was cause i was stressed over changes in my life[school] and didn't realize it. reallly, i should have been labled as mental.
but don't worry. i think i'm back for good now. dawn is back-except way less innocent and tolerant n naive. ;P hey! since when have i been innocent after... oh nvm. hehehe. i still have yet to be brain washed back to innocency-anyone can help? =D at least i know what ppl are talking about now lah...so there are some perks i guess. XP
final note: do u know that the word bitch is too good for ya? cause actually 'bitch' is kinda a good thing sometimes. ur just a plain pain-in-the-***// yep. so freak outta my life-but first return me my things. thanks. nice knowing ya.
wkend is half over!! yay!! hehe...
i think i'm going to go crazy. ytd was talking with my Pisao...n we were just chatting abt school n stuff. n then...somehow we started to talk about SOMEONE..n guess what?? pisao thinks someone is nice too!! hehehe... swttt!!
oh well, mummy n daddy[lor_ting], totally getting along so well. hehe. wonder how mummy can like him when she's like..two or three yrs older. at least in the way they act lah. lolx.
nothing much to say, haven't been thinking much cause i slept away the whole day practically. heh/.
so i'll backtrack to find some things to write about..
well..i'd been thinking about my first relationship alot. as in..what went wrong, and why it went wrong. so i could apply them to my future relationships. don't ask me why i started thinking about it without trying to forget it..but well, i guess the only things i remember now are the good times n very few bad. haha. amazing. but then again, our first relationships are the ones that hang around in our heart n mind the most right, twin? =)
what went wrong? why did it go wrong? hmm..
i give up!! i'm not in the mood for thinking about this today much less writing! ahha.
now i'm just wondering how to 'fix' the present situation.
going to cheyanne's house for her bdae thing. it's her lil bdae today!! =)) here's wishing one special girl a very happy and special and fufilling life! may u have all ur lil dreams fufilled and live out a very happy 10th yr! takke cares always!! =)
i can't believe i'm back to doing that 'special friends' thingy. this is seriously insane. but it helps in some way i guess. haha. u see..there is two kinds of love. one is the romantic love n one is the admiration love. a relationship does not exist on admiration love even though it is still love so once and for all will everyone stop giving me weird comments when i talk about someone!! arghh.