I try to find clarity in this constantly changing world.

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If you are reading my blog for the sheer pleasure of laughing at my discrepancies, deviations and misfortunes, and simply love making snide comments, would you please skip the next entry as it is simply an outlet for releasing some stress and only people who really care ought to be bothered to read it. [nice version]

[7-well-placed-letters-with-a-space-between-the-fourth-and-fifth] [bitchy version]



Hello
I've never been afraid to attack. Even if ur older and bitchier than me.

But hey, i'm not going to kill you verbally here. i just wanna say that i din know u had it in you to be so bitchy and ur attitude is surprising. i din't think it of you. Tonight, when i read that, i was stabbed. surprisingly. It seems immature of you. Seriously. Do you seriously think i would care, if you had a fun time with someone i can't get along with ? am i that selfish? no. i am happy for you. but you have to broadcast every little detail of it, thinking to do what?that you are proud she can get along with you when she couldn't before? show me ur fine without me? i nvr doubted that.

i always knew u would be much better without me actually. we clash too much. but to try and provoke me to feeling 'jealous' or 'regretful'.Well, you must hate me alot to do things this way then. But u'll nvr know the tears i cry. although i may have at first, i think you're not worth crying for anymore. Cause it's basically your choice to behave immaturedly and play games while it's my choice to let myself be affected by it. In this i shall say that yes, you have made me punch a few walls and cry a few minutes. But you haven't done whatever you wanted to do--make me wish i nvr broke our friendship.

However, all the tears i shed wasn't because i was hurt that you wanted to hurt me. You see, we had different opinions my dear fellow human. I agreed with him and you did not. i did things you misunderstood. We had different values. And for two ppl who hold their own opinions in due esteem, and are equally stubborn, it is totally a mismatched friendship. You were right that it would be a hard relationship to keep, you were right in alot of things. But somethings, i have a right to believe, i have a right to do.

i never understand the common mentality of 'putting up a swt front so you have more 'friends' but actually you dont' like them at all. It doesn't make sense. Just shows you are desperate for friends, which i think too many ppl nowadays are. plse. friends aren't the world, yes, they make up a big part of it, but i'd rather have true friends whom i really love than ppl i keep happy just so i can number them as 'friends'.

So my dear, for all the things to be thanked, i thank you. for all the things to hate, i hate you. and finally it's time to forget, and i shall forget you.
To each her own. goodbye.

today last day of e term!

still darned tired.
i think must be the flu bug that's messing with my insides. hahaha...
spent the day up till 2? with two LOVEBIRDSSSS...hahaha... i was SO extra lah...what to do?? lolx...
they are seriously the yr's best couple man...after that go his house and dunno do what lah.....HAHAHA. like...killed his dog or something? dunno. ahhaha.
really had a fun time laughing..

today ******* was in such a gd mood..he was so happi!haha. so i also see him happy then happy loh..aiii...what to do? i'm a total bai chi sometimes. =D

so went home n slack till time for tuition. oh yah! i did do filing and tidying up my bedroom.haha. now i understand what my friend meant by 'filing' last time. ahha. real pain in e neck!!!

i'm officially married today...which means i'm having an affair...with my ''husband's'' friend...and he has an affair...with his gay partner...so WHO IS WORSE I ASK U??? ahhaha.....

tired. that's e end of e story! and this wk gotta play for primary so can't pontang church. dammit.....

ciiaoz

My world is falling apart!!!!
So many bad things happening to me this wk, must be that it's the unlucky time or mayb simply just my stinking fate. haha.
firstly, i miss e old carefree devil who was always full of laughter,and nonsense. lolx.
Then ytd couldn't go to school and missed a really cool chapel programme!!
Worst, i gt horrible report for my math/humanities this term!! D*** h***!!! must recoup my losses at the end yr exams!!! grahhh!!!!
[bt at least my chinese went up one grade. ahha.]

on top of that, i think SOMEONE spoke to me today and i forgot to respond!!! crap. u know. i was coming out da girl's toilet n he was there with two other guys...den i wanted to drink water bt he was there so i just turn n go up. but b4 i turn, i kinda hear him say like''dawn, are u crying?''
BUT because i was feeling unsteady n all and pissed off that he was there when i wanted to drink water, i totally didn't hear him! until later my brain kinda started telling me he HAD asked me smthing n i DID NOT respond. oh wdvr...
Tml doing song service with him and my 'family'....
i gt one daughter and one laogong..but he supposed to propose properly first b4 i will really say he IS my laogong. till now i dunno if we playing or not. =_='''


welll...apart from all these confusing and distressing issues...
the only thing that's making me really really happy today is that- i got 78% for my chinese test!!!!!wooooot!!! i'm sooo happy n i'm planning to be really happy for this cause i dun think i will EVER score like that again!! lolx!!! but once is at least once!! ahahha....my chinese sux lahh...

WDVR..i'm tired n easily pissed..so...yeah..just a casual warning aye.. =))

PS: shld i be serious abt my lao gong or anth??!!

PSS: i'm crazy so dun take me seriously..thx..

THIS IS RETARDED!!!

whadvr..this whole world seems to be going crazy.....

si jiang mu shi...i will have your blood for this....

HAHAHHAHA....

chinese test today..did okay for first part amazingly...da comprehension i think confirm fail. blehx.... heck care..i wanted to take MC anyway.

i dun wanna go school tml!! tired...

but i think must go...mayb having chem and math test...mayb both. =_='''
today. i forgot to bring my keys!! so kena stranded at CompassPoint again! without my HP!! so pissifying!!!! so i went MacD to eat smthing-but mostly for a place to park myself to study. then got too tired of doing work n went library. stayed there till abt 7? then checked thru public phone to see if anyone was home. Unfortunately. NO. so..i go buy Face Toner, wrapping paper, and go to Popular. finally by 8, when i called, my mum was home. grahh. by that time, i was so tired i could barely walk straight...=_=''' so weak lah. blehx. embarassin. and after i gt home, just get a drink of water. THE DOORBELL RINGS. Holy crap i hear my grandparents voices! lolx....

so when i come, i say HI...n then my grampa starts saying' okay u can come out now, come come!'

My mental calculation: my uncle chris is coming to town + grampa calling someone to come out from hiding = UNCLE CHRIS IS HERE!!!!

so i was liike...CHRISTOPHER! and this.....person....came out. O..M..G.
The guy had changed SO much. he's like, taller than my dad, and wider shoulders than anyone in my whole entire school, and this totally athletic bod. kinda lost my voice at that point.
Shocked!
anyway, he's here for a fencing tournament. going to see him on thurs. HAHA. love my uncle!! he's sooo ....cute. haha. hot is more like it lah. but somehow right...i prefer my lao gong n *******....


kkkk...dun talk crap ler...

g'nite...

i'm feeling...numb. yup koko. that's my mood. dunno why. just so numb. unexplainably.just thinking about so many things. actually, i think i'm thinking. if not what would my brain be doing? well...what am i thinkng about? i dunno what i'm thinking about. i dunno anything that's going on around me. i feel so lost. in school, i have a purpose, classes to attend, ppl to talk to. when i go home, i dun wanna talk to anyone cause i'm tired, bt i still feel so...lost? i think i have hw, but i'm too tired to do it. it's like, life dun have a purpose. yeah. It seems to have lost it's purpose. And again i dunno why. i think mayb too many things have been happening, and i haven't let myself get over each one before trying to shove it away into a corner of my mind. so, it just sits there n get's dusty, n the 'dust' gives my brain 'allergies'. make sense? dunno. to me it does. o what to do? i dunnoe....just slowly sort them out i guess.so.
excuse me while i do my 'spring cleaning'... =)

next time then i write e story cause my teacher has it now. =_='''

I'm obessive when just one thought of you comes up
I'm agressive just one thought of closing up
You got me stressing, incessantly pressing the issue'
Cause every moment gone you know I miss you
I'm the question an you of course the answer
Just hold me close boy cause I'm your tiny dancer
You make me shaken up, I'm never mistaken
But I can't control myself got me calling out for help

S.O.S. please someone help me.
It's not healthy for me to feel this
Y.O.U. are making this hard,
I can't take it see it don't feel right
S.O.S. please someone help me
It's not healthy for me to feel this
Y.O.U. are making this hard
You got me tossin' and turnin' and I can't sleep at night

Just your presence and I second guess my sanity
Yes its a lesson and its based on my vanity
My tummy's up in knots so when I see you I get so hot
Common sense if out the door can't seem to find a lot
Take me -you know inside you feel it right
Take me I'ma put desire in your arms tonight
I'm out with you, ya got me head over heels
Boy you got me hanging on by the way you make me feel



Lol..kinda like this song. Hahaa...
today just really tired n drained.

Yo pple....i'm kinda happie this wk. no idea why. AHHAHA. Mayb cause problems haf been solved n all that. n my routine in school has kinda settled down....to studying, talking, walking, eating, AND watching hitsugaya. HAHAA..what crap lah. so...what else happened today besides going to eat with devil? hmm... oh yah! Mr yeang told me, Karen, and Jane off ytd. blehx. Ms din knoe ur dad was so darn smart. HAHA. and then, today ms tan was like, ''write it down, dawn' gahhh. n ytd mrs liah also told mi n devinna off. but that's not counted cause she's a *****. lolz. booh...i gt nth to write...too sleepy. have like, math, english, and chem to do. oh yah, i din balance my accounts!!!! GAHHH!!! wish mii luck pple. oh yah, the english essay i'm doin now for my hw..think i'll write it here, with the names changed of course. LOL.

another thing, devil thx for e indo songs u help mi dl!! lolx. Demi waktu damn swt. but...i understand like...10% or less of it lah. HAHAHA. maafkan aku blahblahblah...then dunno what demi waktu. LOL. n the other song was e Ku Katakan Dengan Indah one...and Kenangan Terindah. HAHA. i really dun understand a word. but todae Awan or smone was it Yogi?? was singing an indo song...lolx. nice when they sing u know.

u know, i just remembered. yesterday in poa class, me n devil were crapping as per normal. and Devinna said : Yogi is a gay stripper for monkeys.
How much of an insult is THAT? lolxxxx...n in front of the teacher too. hehe. she rox man! n then mr jacob was kinda wanting to scold yogi for not finishing his work, den i just walk by n was like jokingly saying YOGI IS SICK that's why. n then mr jacob! he said! OKay lah since she say ur sick i let u off this time...

HAHAHHA. mr jacob is soooo funny...
and ytd, just for the record, during one particularly retarded bio exercise-no offfense- mr Ice Prince had to run up n down a flight of stairs. n he was like saying in this totally annoyed n matter-of-fact way, ''This is a waste of my Time and energy''. and thus saying he ran down. LOL. u hav to hear to laugh. Sherly n mi were trying to time our pulse then he made us laugh so hard by saying that, we lsot count and fabricated some number for the worksheet. HAHA. Ms is u read this, do NOT tell ur dad. thank u kindly. HAHAHAH/// =))


ciiaoz.

haiiiz. okay. fine. i'm sorry. just been thinking abt this awhile...and kinda figured i shouldn't be pissed. lolx. i guess...ur just concerned n protective of him since he's ur bro and all.. and since u think i'm very hua xin so u kinda think BLABLABLA. okay i can respect that. i mean..do u really think i will hai ur bro until like that?? is there a reason for me to do that??
Dun worry..i won't 'use' another guy to forget another one. cause i don't wanna forget Hitsugaya. i want to love him n wait for him, cause he's worth it. and i worry everytime i feel my passion fading for him. u know how hard it is to keep a love alive that is nvr acknowledged, always scorned at by others , and u nvr talk to the person u love?? but i want to do it. and i will do it. You know me, you know ur brother. Do you even THINK we can make a gd match? please. i'm not someone who falls for any pretty face. he call me Mei i call him Gor. we're even less close than jasper n shanice. what are u worrying abt?? just relax okay. i dun even knoe if ur reading this..but heck care..i needed to think it thru and write it out or my mind will be even more screwed.

the other thing is saturday. u wanted to talk abt it right. well. now i'm telling u my veiwpoint. Firstly i go there n i have to sit with my mum right. k. then when i see u after service, ur bring jasmine along. and heaven knoes she n i aren't close. but that's fine. ok. so cause i've worn contacts she looks at me like i'm some FREAK or smthing. and later tells me i must take them off or she won't speak to me. but that's fine. then the three of us are obviously uncomfortable and u are quite happy with her n dunno whispering what n laughing. kae. so even though i know i said i would stay for lunch the night b4,i forgot that as i figured u obviously didn't need me there and my presence would only breed discomfort so i just leave. kae? not ok. u get pissed. and that's when i realized what i said the night b4. fine. why din u just remind me instead of getting all attituded over it?

yup. but it's all my fault. okay? i shldn't have been pisssed with the funny looks i get. i shldn't have been pissed with ur attitude, i shldn't have gotten pissed this morning.i shldn't have said i wanted to go thomson. DOES it make sense?? no it doesn't. that's why i'm confused. but oh well. it must be my fault. but i dont' know what i SHOULD have done. go beg ur forgiveness for pang seh u. go take off my contacts and wear my glasses n dress like a total GEEK to make her feel comfortable arnd me? u know what? i won't do that. say i'm selfish or anything. but since when does one have to dress a certain way just so ppl feel comfortable arnd her. my main point is this : i felt i obviously wasn't needed as u guys had each other AND were having some very intereting things to talk abt that i didn't need to know. likely abt me. yuppx. and since u dun think i nd to know dun need to talk and u wanna stare like i'm from outer space. . let me go in peace. okay?

did someone ever ask me why i didn't wanna go to church? yup. cause i can't even decided where i wanna go without someone either getting pissed at me for leaving or coming or DRESSING THE WAY I WANT TO.. i've had enough. who can concentrate on worshipping God when there's all this SHIT going on?? give me thomson anyday. and then in thomson, i gotta worry abt keeping someone happy and stopping her from crying. i'm not an understanding person. if u expect me to be oooozing sympathy, ur looking at the wrong person. i will be empathetic, i will stay with u, but nothing more. so? haiz. the devil works hard in church lah. but i'm going to let him win. cause church suckz. i don't have the energy to deal with it anymore. went back hesitantly cause of the ppl who wanted me there, and this happens. just leave me alone and let me go to hell n die cause i din go church okay? cause it's like hell anyway.

oh yes, just get pissed with me all u want cause it's my fault that i ask him to accompany me for lunch. so for god's sake leave the guy alive.

u understand e meaning of the word FRIENDS??? argh. what is WITH u man??!! wth..if u say u are joking then fine. just wanna tell u. i DUN take this kinda jokes lightly. i get highly ANNOYED by them. as well as pissed. so. please.do.not.raise.my.blood.pressure. and remember that there is such a thing as FRIENDS. where there is NO ROMANTIC INTEREST INVOLVED. understood? hope so. cause it's pissing me off bad. yeah.

ciiaoz

hello!! i've regained all my lost everygy by sleeping for the past...dunno how many hrs. ahhaha. slept 1230 last night leh. =P ytd was long enough to be seperated into three days man!! lolzx.
first part of the day, when i got to the jumble sale at like...10? i met rekka in da bus!!! lolx. then she was late for her prefect duty lor. hehe. and then when i get there, met shanice, straight away start eating. i mean, face it lah. there's nothing worth buying except food and drinks and soft toys. lol. so that's exactly what i spent my twenty bucks buying. then. a kind soul-mum's friend-gave me 60 bucks cause she wanted to get outta there. =_=''' din know what to do so forced my dad to take twenty. i say forced, cause we both din want so much n then didn't know what to do with it. ahaha. anyway, a spending partner is important no? so i found P'Pim and we went shopping tgh. ahhaha. shanice was with her gor n her...sis-in-law? HAHA. which reminds me! i like the way B did her eyes!!! ahaha. okok. so we first stopped at the soft toys store. bought the same frog, and then i got a dog for my dog and she got a teddy bear. lol. then went to sit down. actually, went to disturb some ppl who were sitting down. HAHA. shannon, gor, hansel, anthony. of course i only bully my gor n hansel lah. HAHAHA. damn fun =P so gor was stuck with babysitting my dog n frog and PPim put her's with anth then we went off to get m0ore stuff. haha. ate jelly, ate random stuff, bought choc coins, and then i bought another dog for...me! ahha. so we go back to where the pet sitters are and find they've eloped with our pets!! argh!! ahahaa. oh wait, ppim's one was still there, only my pets had been abducted!sigh. so sad!! so went to find gor n get them back lor. later i went somewhere with sherly and lost track of ppim , i think she went home cause it was late. Koko bully me!!!!!!! hMPH. baka! anyway, me n sherly left within an hour of her arriving. AHHA.someone not there anymore. haiiz. kkk. then i go tpy, and JUST AS 163 PULLED UP, koko called. =_+''' ask me to wait for him wanna pass me smthing. next time he does that i will KILL him. ahaha. but nvm lor, called my other gor to pei wo. AHAH. ytd damn fun lah. read this stuuupid book while waiting. american girls are so 'drraaaMA'. lolx. and damn bimbo. =_=''' most anyway. okoko fine. most that are in the storybooks. HAHA. sooo...he pass me the thing already, i go take 159. ooo, then zoee called her bro. AND say i stalking him. WTFH>> yes i DO stalk ppl, but that ppl is called parrot/iceprince/ass****/6-legged-creature. yuppx. stalk my gor for WHATTTTTT =^= who say i'm e twin with e good imagination eh?? Lolx. tooopid. anyway. go home, and slack. slack slack slack. and then sleep. i'm damn tired, but happie. ahah. happier than i've been in a long time lor. dunno why lor. thinking why lor. mayb cause hitsugaya-chan so cute lor. mayb cause lor-language so funny lor. mayb cause i doing h/w now lor. ok lor. i go first lor. sick of this computer lor. wanna do something productive lor. okok lor. byebye lor. LORRRRRRRRRRong telok 1. Go there.

i'm bored....soooo...

>

You are a Career Girl!

You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success.You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy!An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing.And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

You Are 40% Scary

You scare men off ocassionaly, but only very weak men.You're a normal woman. You're not perfect, but you're pretty darn close.

The Only Thing You Play is "Cool"

It's not that you don't have the skills to juggle a few menNope, you just lack the desire.You prefer dating to be a simple one on one process.No games, no other people, no drama - just you and the guy you're getting to know.

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice themYou take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be pickyYou aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounterIt may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

You Are a Tiny Tease

You like to flirt and show off your body, but what confident woman doesn't.You enjoy male attention, and you're usually pretty good at not leading men on.However, there are times when you get carried away with your sexy behavior.It's okay to use your amazing flirting powers for good - but never for evil!

You Are An Independent Girlfriend!

Whoa, Ms. Independent! Your guy digs your modern style...But he's sometimes left to wonder if you really like him.Keep that unique spirit, but show him your love a bit more often.No worries - you're light years away from smothering him!

okay!
now that i seen him today..can function more normally. lolx. kiddin'.
you know, i simply love this skin. why? cause firstly, it appeals to my liking of black, and white, contrasting. second, e pic is kinda...emo/goth? to me and my definition anyway. so yup. totally my temperment when i'jm serious. when i'm playful.. more like chappy bunny. =P Lulu-[rabbit in thai] Anyway. finally, i think this template is SO much easier to write in and handle than the previous one!! =D okie, enough.

well, today, was tiring. but i feel accomplished. u knoe, accomplishment is a nice feeling, i haven't felt in a long time.forgot to bring my keys this morning, then ended up stranded at compass point for...3-4 hrs waiting for one of my parents to go home. haii. 4 to 7 i think? so i went MacD' to eat smthg since i felt darned tired n kinda nauseaus, dunno why. turned out it was really cause i din have enuf to eat. =_=''' pathetic. so ate a bit n studied at e same time. i liked the seclusion actually.just sitting alone facing a corner, alone with my books. sounds nerd but i doubt i AM a nerd lah. since i dislike anything to do with numbers and all and only periodically do i do hardcore study. lolx.so.did chinese comprehension...and some weird workbook stuff that's useless. then i did some physics-method was right but for some reason the things didn't calculate out right!! *grumbles* later did math. that was worse since i was doing trigo and the very impt function needed was malfunctioning. =_=''' these calculators shld be sued if they were alive...wasting my time. but then again, time was something i had alot of. Hahaha. after that , wrote my comments for the english oral presentation project on snakes.hate projects man. books are so much easier to master. =_=''' finally, felt i shouldn't be occupying that seat for so long, and decided to have some relaxation too..lolx. so i run up to the library, after first going to the toilet to make sure i wasn't looking weird after facing a corner so long. >_<'''unfortunately, i missed out the fact that i had this out-of-place stain on my KNEE thanks to kywe wa dana TUN. hmph. hahahahax. actually it was my fault since i drew on his hand forst thus enabling him to smudge it on my leg. *laughs*. Library was good, got magazines...and one youth 'novel'..more like a humour story lah. that book however, made me think a bit on some stuff. haha. which i won't write here since i'jm endeavouring to type with one hand and it's gettin tiring. oh yes, plse excuse typing errors, typing while eating an apple with the other hand ain't easy..haha. try it. =))
anywayyyy. kinda realized i've drifted away fromn some old frenx. lolx. u knoe, if i'm not having too much h/w this monday, we shld go out instead of me staying at home enlarging my fat percentage by sedentary activities aka: attempted studying. key word being attempted. well well. let me knoe will ya? u knoe who u are. hahaha// xiiao meii n twin-starting-with-Z// or mayb i'll go swimming with enlin n Co. ? which one?? i think go orchard more fun than swim. hehe. see how lahh...yeah. anyhowww.
This wednesday should be having guitar class. most likely gonna be reallll quiet since i found out Mr. President-of-guitar-who-only-uses-his-title-to-his-advantage has a rather wide chnese vocab-the language we usually spite him in. hahahaha. mortifying. everytime i think of it. =P heck. what's past is past. lolx. at least he's not wearing that damnned Hugo Boss coglogne anymore. GOOD! actually, i dun really care lah. hey. i mean. it's a nice scent right?? dunno if i'm looking forward to guitar club meeting or nottt. half-half? i only kno9w i'll be relaly really quiet. remind me. haha. either that or i go spastic cause of the stress and start playing with dev n sher on the chairs like they were carousel horses. >-<''' i'm SERIOUS. did i tell u about it? many wks ago, forgot how many, dev, sher, n me, were waiting in Pr Ko's office for e guitar thing to start. n while waiting, we discovered the swivel chairs in his office could be quite easily pushed up and down! so...due to extreme boredom and slightly induced spasticness which i believe was induced by the knowledge some asshold was gonna show up soon, we started giggling like lil girls while repeatedly riding the chairs up and down. =_=''' so lame. iknow. but if u think of it, life is meant to be enjoyed, why care what is lame or retarded or childish if it isn't gonna hurt anyone?? just do it! bring a smile to ur heart-and simply feel embarrassed later. *laughs* so we did that, till he came in, n then became too self-concious to do that. hehe.

two impt announcements!!
1~i loveee my new skin
2~plse buy jumble sale tix


XP okok, i know i'm getting lame. well. nth nuch happening in school.

First thing in the morning, i started looking out for someone. and the someone wasn't in school the whole day. haiiizzz. so devinna, mi, and enlin had to do e song servie n joni played e guitar. u know, ytd, joni complain i nvr talk to him when he call mi. aiyohhh...sry u knoe? sometimes i'm kinda deaf or i may have been thinking about the tests n all. blablabla..haha. i seriously am bursting with e need to write some song or poetry or story but i'm too sleepy to do that! thanks to SOME thing...lost alot of sleep past few nights n all. >< heck care lah..now everythings solved. kudos to chi lun..helped me realize some stuff aye. X)) anyhoooooooo, back to today waitin for someone to show up. haiiz. then i realized-it's indonesian independance day!! ohhh. no wonder. idiot went to e embassy i guess. =_=''' haiiiz. so nvm loh. still have tml. not like anything will happen lah, but at least see the person right?? hehee...
so yeah, i'm kinda phobic of putting on weight now, so i made some resolutions:
-no pocky n stuff with milk combined with sugar
-eat regular meals with no snacking
-don't eat canteen food!!! *that's easy man!!*
-run around more.

so thus saying, tml gonna play bball with miss-head-prefect. Lol. enlin n the guys also i think. haiiz. they all ar..play already wait we cannot play. =_=''' haha. nvr play for damn long le. i think will play like crap. hope someone goes home early so as not to have to embarrass myself by playing in front of that person. XP LOLx.
just got a weird friendster bulletin from my 'rabbit' aneel. he say he lost what he had for 14 yrs-his virginity. woohoo.congrats to him. NOT. well, anything lah. up to him u knoe? hahhaa. u won't believe the crap we talk about sometimes. hehe. take our last conversation on MSN for example. main topic? my english oral presentation on snakes. but it got So twisted...man. u won't believe how we stung those words into one very very...weird...'conversation'. from english snake oral presentation, to indian-indo snake oral practise, or whatever it was. well. rest is kinda too..weird to write here lah. haha.
tell me why i'm writing all this??

okay. u know, now that someone has found out i like him...through the unasked for 'help' of SOMEONE ...coughCOUGHcough...i really dunno what to do. i tell myself i won't do anything, and simply avoid him more than usual. hah. heard he was kinda..happie. and he weirdly told the fact i liked him to koko, which was how he AND i came to knoe of it. =_=''' so. guess he's happy, cause it's kinda like, boost to his ego? i mean, when someone likes u, u usually feel like...happy sometimes? unless u totally hate that person. hard to explain it lah..u gotta experience it. anyway. so i'm glad that at least he's not pissed and not taking e damn-u-to-hell-do-i-even-care attitude. ahhha. yuppx. this is basically all that's going thru my brain right now cause i'm really missing seeing him haunting the staircase in school today. bleahx.

.sigh.
more later i guess, can't write much of substance worth reading. sorry >_<

PS: u knoe?? he looks like one very happy lil boy when he laughs!! >_<''' wish he will smile forever.. so KAWAIIIIIIII.

Well. i think i've hurt some ppl without realizing it. guys probably. argh. dunno why luh. i really really dunno why okay. if i'm not told point blank sometimes i really am way too dense to get it. haha.so be kind..enlighten mi if i have hurt u in any way okay? haha. promise, i won't bite. XP

other than that, seems someone blurted out some crap to Ice Prince...so now i'm like...*pissed* but not really. just a bit. mostly scared...yeah. scared that there are ppl i'm confiding to who can't really be trusted to keep their mouths shut, or who think they're helping me when they aren't. lolx.

okay. well. on another subject. can i just say...i really really wish i was a guy sometimes?? It's easier sometimes. really. Gahh. let's just say. sometimes i just go on like i don't know, cause i don't wanna know. and why don't i wanna know? cause i'm not like my friend who can just say 'no sorry' and leave it at that. i feel the need to explain, the need to compromise. so i end up avoiding the issue. so, plse, don't take it too hard on mi if i just am seeming so dense, cause i usually am the first to know, but i just really really don't want to face it, unless you force me to by telling me up front. well. that's all. not talking to anyone in particular here, unless your mind tells u it's u. i admit, this IS a cryptic post. but how about this to lighten it slightly? my heart is closed, and few have the key. and currently, the door is kinda stuck so even if someone has the key, it ain't going to work really well. haha. okok. enuf said.

just had a rather interesting conversation with my Rabbit[aneel]...about my oral presentation. as in, my english oral presentation.about snakes. somehow he made it sound really really sick, if u know what i mean. hahhaha.but it was fun, rabbit... too bad u 'broke up' with my sistar. HAHAHA. okok. crappin'.

ytd swam. i'm gettin too fat. sometime this wk must go again. erm. oh yah, congrats to the family with the new baby girl!! hope u guys are good parents n bring her up well siahz. haha. here's to Mr. n Mrs. Mah , on the arrival of their new daughter. *cheers!!*

whakakaka....
ciiiaoz

okok. just a short smthing..i'm too sleepy for anything more..

It comes back to me..
like waves of the sea...
when you pass by...
you can make me just cry...
it really is no fun..
when from memories you can't run..
and they haunt me..
while giving no blasted clue..
how to simply erase them..
how to ignore them..
they spin in my mind..
in colours of every kind...
and soon i feel like sleeping..
the rest of my life away....


okay i'jm sorry that was terribly lame. will do better next time. promise. hehe. now...cya ppl tml !! luv ya all!! =)

well..what kinda guy is Mr perfect? hmm...for me..right now...?? hahaha....

Silent yet mesmerizing
Elusive yet irresistable
Tender yet strong
Independent yet sweet
Ardent yet free
Reclusive yet unrepressed
Determined yet loving
Interesting yet unusual


well...dunno what else...ermmmm...write some other time.

haii. i'm just so tired these days. really dunno what is happening. well. went nowhere today. ytd went out with devil, sherly, dana and enlin. and then that was in orchard...like...yeah. i tell you ppl smthing. i think my mom, has entered this blog. that is why this password thing is up. i don't know what's into parents these days, how they find our blogs. but it's like...half scary half amusing man. first, i have shanice jittering abt her parents going into her blog, and instead of 'tightening security' on mine, i went to go and go into my blog on my parents com. and of course the webbie is liike..left there lah. oh man. so haii.hope i don't get an uber long lecture..haha.

oh ya/..ytd the singing thing? oh damn. we were like, prepared to give our best singing the two national songs, and just as we start...Ms Judy Chew came up, took the mike away, and told us to sing louder, WHILE hogging the damn mike. okay. think abt this. u want us to sing while u DEAFEN us with ur operatic singing? omg... totally bimbo teacher. she thinks she's so good issit?? u know how many times she almost made me sing the wrong words cause she practically YELLED them out??!! man..i wanted to give up singing and walk off...cause...she was obviously gd enough and pro enough and LOUD enuf for it. one woman show. as if the solo she sang earlier wasn't enough. hahaha. anyway. for all that she's a erally cute teacher lah..mayb act cute but who cares...adds to the spicyness of life. haha.
the clothes thing was so troublesome though...i woke up in the morning, looking for a white top. and i couldn't find one! haiiz. so i tried to find red. even worse. but i had to wear smthing along those lines u know??!! so i got a pink tube...=_=''' and added a black half-jacket, along with a too damn tight skirt which ended up as a mini cause i had to pull it up. thank goodness my mom din see that or...well...i'd get an earful. and some to spare. XP shoes? heels. ouch. i had blisters dammit when i got home. but u know what? it was fun! it was outrageously fun! =) in my opinion..enlin's outfit was e most most shuai-est. ahhaha. the priderman one was cute..but not shuai okay. and of course the sec 4 da jie's were fantabulous!! lien was the swtest..and yu meng jie was SO traditional. and fitris really looked like a nothern indian while Pim didn't wear anything unusual lah. but she was pretty in her own was. haha. although some disagree. =)Thi from our class was the only few in sec three girls who dress in traditional costume. the others like the taiwan Yiting wore their national school uniform. ahaha. and one girl from china..wore a shirt that was supposed to pass as a dress, and a pair of shorts so short they could pass as underwear. haha. and stockings to perfect her fully exposed legs. =.=''' well... i'm sleepy..going to sleep..night ppl.. =) lovessss

saturday:

was really cool. it seemed like a whole wk lah. first we had breakfast, then was bible games. our grp came in last, cause the organizer(ME) was damn bad at skits. oh well. then anthony's group was SO PRO! omg. hehehe. anthony as king herod really good man. he is professional actor!! luv him so much. (KIDDING) hahaha... part of the dialogue as i remember it is below..


*(three wise men)

shipeng/and two other guys: *kneel down on one knee in front of 'herod'

anthony: good good....*condescending* good dog...*laughs maniacally and motions for ms Bo Ra a korean girl[i think] to continue massaging him =.=*

shipeng: we've come to look for the king of kings...

anthony: what king of kings?? *points furiously to himself* I'M the king of kings okay?? it's simple!

shipeng: ........ [i don't think that was in the script]


haha...yeh... that was just one part lah...the whole thing funnier if u watch. lol. so then night time, had a dance thing...friendship dance. and war games. the war was funny, got four types of attack and defence. the best was the Cannibal one.. [ooogagaga ooogagaga PUI PUI PUI] and the defense was [EEE EEE EEE] and the chinese one was [drongg dong dong dong drongg dong dong dong SHA SHA SHA!!] ehhee....so fun. we scream like no one's business man. and then the dance...they forced the guys to get girl partners. ahhaa. sorry to the one who kena forced to go with me hor..not my fault. LOL. dance with...him, enlin, enqiang, daniel, pr ko, mr wee, and several girls. ahhaha. no choice in the matter except for the first one loh. sian. ahha. anyway. after that went to go explore with some ppl...then SO many damn cockroaches. and dana say he saw ghost.. and lao pa say last time got ghostly happenings. heeheehee... then later talk with pim..was really good. talking to her is relaxing..u know...she is the other half of me that is silent and thoughtful..that wants to sit and just watch everything that happens. and then walk back to camp. saw a statue. HAHAHAHA. damn funny lah..i was like...swinging my book in the statue's face and the only reaction i got was...a very very slow reaction. lame. he should go act in US as one of those fake statues in the historical parks put there for amusement. ahhaha.



anyway..that night...not too bad..not that hot..and then the next morning. wake up. eat very little breakfast. and then...had the...STUPID SPECIAL FRIEND THING! omggg...i was...nervous..for some reason...hehehe. aiya..stupid lah.haii. nvm..it was good in the end. i want the picture!! ehhehee// i dunno HOW many pictures i got at the horizon place...of..his back...HAHAHHAA. okok...i better shuddup...wait ppl all get wrong idea. haha. X) but there's nothing to hide is there? no more need. i'm just confused..and lost. just a lil bit.mostly embarrassed. cause u know...not that much of my life was built on you. and what i've built, i can pull down, what i've felt, i can destroy. and i can finally let my greater passions fly, let them soar to where they belong. hehehe. enlin..if u read this..thanks for helping me during the camp and today..u dunno how much just being kind and making me laugh meant. haha. you're a gd friend..haha. anywayy.. oh ya..koko also..FINE i know i'm not a good sistar but ur a good bro lah..haha. ur gdnight always makes me feel remembered. =))


anyway. i've realized ...i need to seperate those that hurt me from those who love me, or i will end up rejecting everyone who tries to be a friend. u see, sometimes after everything that happened last time, i've lost so much faith in people that sometimes it's hard to remember not everyone is the same.not every guy is the same. and some deserve more consideration..and not the cold attitude i sometimes unconciously give. aahah. well...one more thing to work forward to.

take care ppl...byebye

okay! i'm sleepy but MUST get everything out b4 going to drop myself into dreamland for the next 12 hrs. ahha. well, the gospel camp was really...unique. i won't say it was uber good, or uber bad either. it's just...frozen and burnt. so u see...let's start from the beginning shall we?

friday:
well, we were allowed to go to school in our normal clothes even tho we were only leaving at like..1:30 pm. so we camp in our different personalized stuff instead of da uniform. lol. and then, when we finally left, there were two buses. and P'Pim was on the other bus..haiiz. so she n P'B were takling on the phone while looking at each other. =.=''' can laugh lah. okay, journeyt there uneventful. except P'pim was gonna vomit in da boat cause it was SO topsy-turvy. haha. and bi ended up sleepin. Yanting was SO at home siahz. total beach babe. ahha. then we saw St. Johns. Island for e first time. omg. it was really undeveloped. No a/c, No shops, No nothing..except research facilities, barracks and other facilities like toilets and dining halls. so we walked and walked and walked. and the poor guys had to carry so many things. [food, toilet paper, etc.] finally we reach out campsite. GAH> okay, let's just say the comfort level ain't that high. so we just quickly got our beds and changed, and headed down to the beach. and the beach. was. NICE! hehehe. envy us man. envy us!! LOL. it's such a change from the typicalk spore beacheds, no litter, no nth. and we DUNKED MS TAN! woot!! ahahha. we took off all her valuables n then dragged her down to the water n dumped her in...quite unceremoniously. hehehe. and when we had finished the telematch[my group came in first!! ehehe...good leader mah...Mr jiang enlin. LOLx] and finished our swimming and splashing, i discovered the horrifying truth. the toilet to bathe in, had no doors on e five cubicles! oh mann.. and it's liike, th mirror opposite each stall made it worse lah! irritatin! so no choice, just abandon dignity and shower. and then dinner was good, but when night came. and we had to sleep. shock number two-the dorm or barracks, was SUPER HOT! after lying there in my shirt and shorts for half an hour and talking sporadically with yanting, we both reached the same conclusion. IT WAS TOO DAMN FREAKIN HOT! we were on the top bunks so it was way hot. solution? STRIP. heeheex. this is what comes from going arnd with yanting. HAHA. jkjk. anyway, we both took off our shirts, n sleep in just our bras. and nghi and chippy and oshin were like..WTFH!!?? lol. lucky no more guys walking around outside loh. haha. even like that i was still sweating like mad..but soon sheer tiredness overcame the heat n i kinda...dozed the night away. kept waking up tho.

saturday...oops..i gtg

okay..that was one ugly post. sry guys. haha. anyhoww.... i'm sleepi sleepi these days..haiiz. this month sux alot. but everyone is totally cool lah..haha. did i blog about the concert? it was hilarious. well..not quite but it was still enjoyable lah. went with lynn and her sch friend. wanted twin to go..but wasn't possible.. so in the end..was gonna go on my own with lynn. and thennn... WOOT. someone in CITY HALL TOO!! omggg..haha. so msg back n forth then he also wanna go. so go loh. haha. tsktwk..next time muz wear more formal siahz. tuxedo. HAHAHHAA. KIDDIN. dun.[u thought i was serious?? =.=''' moron!]


anyhoo anyhoo...i am dying with my maths...can't handle it. i need tuition!! but my dad...have cough. =.=''' best time right? poor dad. poor me too! so...just make use of my genes loh. try to anyway. hehehehe. some of the genius in my dad MUST have worn off when i was a ZYGOTE rightt??? hehe.. wrong... i'm so idiot-ic. haii. okok...no more thinking abt studies. hehe.

you know, i'm SO happy..well..kinda. cause. i got a GIRL FOR MY SECRET FRIEND! heeh. u see..today we had to draw a 'lot' with a person's name on it. and this was to help us play a game during the gospel camp called Secret friend. so..we're supposed to get a gift for the person. when it was my turn to draw. the first ame i drew was----*drum roll* MY OWN> =.=''' so pathetic! but then..second time i drew..it was Lee Ae Kyung. sec 2. not bad ba..at least i dun have to try and find smthing that a guy i dunno likes right? girl easier. haha. anyway...other than that nothign much happened today.
oh ya..note to DANA: stop laughing at me plse!! so freakyyy...and it's not even true loh. ^^ thank God for that! =P i think he got Pim..he so happie. =.=''' pim was like...aghast when i said i think he got her. hahahahax....


okay. so. tml. we going. and i'm pissed. cause i'm sleepi still. and HOW am i gonna wake up?? okay. so we have to do smthing for talent night? it's either a song, skit, or poem. i votefor the poem. least effort. and smthingn that i know how to do. i'll make an english poem..n enlin can do the chinese counterpart. hope he gets it done in time...cause there's no way i can help with any skit. one, my acting sux! two, my creativity factor is nil. so if we're going for the skit, i can't help...sry ><>hahaha... aiya...sianz lah// im' so so so so sianz. mood kena killed. i think i'll go..study. hai. HAI. note to self: special friend thing is STUPID!