I try to find clarity in this constantly changing world.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

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Layout: vehemency
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the touch of you skin on my skin
the feel of your lips on mine
you'll be the paved road to my ruin
cos your face is in my mind, in my soul, all the time.
and it's killing my soul.

your hand on my hand, pulling me down
down to the hell that is life in your shadow
yet i willingly follow, blind fool that i am
your warmth removes thoughts of resistance, of denial
you just don't know it.

you call and i come, wherever you are
your taste has never left me once
so tender you were, like you loved me
and yet so brusque the next day, like we never loved at all
&i saw the truth.

you blamed it on the spirits
and i blamed it on myself
but why do we treat it like a disaster?
for me it was a precious glimpse of being the one loved by you
forgive my impetuous actions.

i could go on...
but i will stop here.
temporarily.

&everytime i talk to you i cry

there's been so many times i wanna back down, kneel down, and beg you to forgive me , try to put things back to how they were.
everytime we talk like lovers, and yet the goodbyes are so cold, the voices masked.
so many words unspoken
so many feelings unsaid
but i can't surrender.
i can't lose what i worked so hard for.
some ppl say i'm only thinking of myself here
maybe that's true
but it's what i believe that i take to be right and wrong
and i feel i've done right by you and me.
BUT GOD IT HURTS SO BAD!

You Are a Powdered Devil's Food Donut

A total sweetheart on the outside, you love to fool people with your innocent image.On the inside you're a little darker, richer, and more complex.You're a hedonist who demands more than one pleasure at a time.Decadent and daring, you test the limits of human indulgence.

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return. Your flirting style: Friendly Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

lovelovelove. ah heck love.

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to give more than take in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance.

''If girls, even smart ones, likes a boy, no matter how big a bastard he is, they'll say he has an inferiority complex; and if they don't like him, no matter how nice a guy he is, or how big an inferiority complex he has, they'll still say he's conceited.''

whaha!
i just hope i'm not making that kinda mistake here.
oh well.
i just found this totally nice song on youtube, by pure accident. like someone was leading me to it. haha. shall post it here...the lyrics are so meaningful, even tho i'm trying to quit listening to chi. songs >.<

for those who will never know ..ahem..what it's like to kiss me. WHAHHA.

You Are a Passionate Kisser

You are the most likely type to kiss a sexy stranger Your kissing style is unpredictable and free spirited You could kiss anyone at a drop of a hat It's all about where your passion leads you

You Are 49% Bitchy

Generally, you're an average woman, with average moods. But sometimes... well, watch out!Sometimes, you let your mean side get the better of you. And you enjoy every minute of it.

You Are 49% Bitchy

Generally, you're an average woman, with average moods. But sometimes... well, watch out!Sometimes, you let your mean side get the better of you. And you enjoy every minute of it.

You Can Make 65% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

Your seduction skills are practically legendary. You know how to close the deal.Just don't let someone you're really into get the better of you!As long as you keep up your end of the flirting game, you'll get the prize at the end.

You Can Make 65% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

Your seduction skills are practically legendary. You know how to close the deal.Just don't let someone you're really into get the better of you!As long as you keep up your end of the flirting game, you'll get the prize at the end.

You are White Chocolate

You are White ChocolateYou are sweet, caring, and truly very innocent.Whether your naive ways are a bit of act or not, people like to take care of you.You are a quiet flirt, and your power is often underestimated!

Your Inner Pop Princess Is Beyonce

"Tonight I'll be your naughty girlI'm callin all my girlsGonna turn this party outI know you want my body." You've got the talent, looks, and attitude to get to the top of the charts.

Your Inner Pop Princess Is Beyonce

"Tonight I'll be your naughty girlI'm callin all my girlsGonna turn this party outI know you want my body." You've got the talent, looks, and attitude to get to the top of the charts.

What Your Latte Says About You

When it comes to what you like, you have your own unique tastes. And people don't really understand them. You can be quite silly at times, but you know when to buckle down and be serious. Intense and energetic, you aren't completely happy unless you are bouncing off the walls. You're addicted to caffeine. There's no denying it. You are a child at heart, and you don't ever miss the opportunity to do something playful. You are sophisticated and daring, but you are never snobby.

You Are an Alpha Female

Powerful, confident, and successful - you are definitely a dominant force.You control social and dating situations. It's clear that you're always in charge.

You Are Most Like Scarlett Johansson

“One of the best things for a woman to hear is that she is sexy.”

i guess you won't know or believe that i still miss you.
don't know why i bother saying this.
since you won't read, even if you read you won't understand
even if you understand you won't care
//
i'm going round in circles.
but i have this ''inner peace'' like i did the right thing and everythings going to come out all right.=)

lalalla!
taiwan! hereeeee i come!

ooops.
i did it again.
i just wanna say that i'm really sorry
&never planned for it to be like this.
only wishing that it may be easier on you
you can put the blame on me.
cos thats where it belongs.
but when all is said and done
i know i've done the right thing...
for it is what i believed was best.
i think a part of me will always love you, my darling.

silence, the queen is here
flippancy and hilarity conceals the strength within
loving and easily swayed, she is libra impersonate
remember, the name is *.

the one she loves
is hard to visualize on paper the fullness of his character
but we know that all the tears she shed for him are real and true
she loves *

arise, the princess is here
sweetness combines with her mild streak of stubborness
but do not be fooled, there is nothing this leo cannot do.
remember, the name is *.

the one she loves
he is a dark knight with great courage, we applaud him
for there were many tests before she would accept his love
she loves *

listen, the lady is here
craziness runs alongside philosophy in her spirit
she loves and hates with passion,but still remains a true virgo
remember, the name is *

everytime i hear you name.



you don't know how much i want to see you again.



everytime i hear your name.



it brings me back to the time in your arms.



everytime i hear your name.



i tell myself i can't let go.

the words i have to say are few
but please listen, for they are true...

even if i am a fool to do so,
i believe
in
you.
~

hey.
at ms tan's house...
heheh!
so nice place u know??
feel like staying there...for a long long time. haha


anyway. next wk...thursday,,,it's gonna be a day where some ppl are going to get hurt, i just want you to know..it's only because i have no choice that this is going to have to go down this way. =l
i'm sorry in advance...
but i'm sure you'll hate me soon enough=)
whatever happens, you'll always have a special place in my heart...and i hope nothing will stop us from being friends yeah?
xoxo..

ciiaoz peeps

hokay!

Yesterday went out with chacha for to 'hang'. haha..
Funfunfunfun =)
walked around till i managed to get a pair of shoes, and she got a pair of sunglasses.. [retro, and classy!] but it kept falling off her head. whahha! ><
so den we went CafeCartel and drink and chatchatchat...where there were soggy cushions but deeeelightful drinks,
and then walked up to PastaMania for lunch/dinner =) sweet! wanted to eat there for sooo long but nobody acc. me ! ahhaa...
finally we go to my bus stop...where we kept squealing and bouncing[laughs!] till my bus came...then she walked home><
mus go out again soon k babe?


today...tired.so stay at home and rest my lazy bum. haha!
and cut my hair!
not much change tho..
lalalas~~

`unwanted.

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.
Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you,
more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you! //

chris daughtry

i wonder if it's worth the risk?
i wonder if they're worth it?
i wonder i wonder i wonder

WHY MY LIFE SO COMPLICATED DE???!!!

A very very dear friend asked me how i'm feeling...
er...
feeling...
that's a funny word.
the truth is...
i don't think i have much feeling...
after two or three days...
i'm totally numb..
cos i miss him too much?
i know it sounds stupid.
it's like ...
GRAHHHH.
faster come back!
i just wanna see you and i'll be kontented.

I don't think i can take it anymore..
everyone's leaving!
everyone who means something to me.
okok fine.
ALMOST everyone..
aunti
panda
darkangel
PEOPLE!
just so many ppl i spend the last two years with
they're leaving,
and i don't know how many of the sec 4s i'll see again.
it's so hard to keep in touch even in Singapore...

i hate this.
i hate goodbyes.
i hate graduating, cos it means seperation.
I HATE IT!

*aunti... i just really hope i can see you in USA...with ansrong too=)

it's just been too many blows one after the other....
panda left
darkangel left
aunti leaving...so soon.
then ansrong will leave
then eugene will leave
then ....
HALF THE POPULATION OF MY LIFE IS GONE.
gahhhh//
okok...
overstatement..
but seriously...
my heart is really cracking up and being torn up.
*riiips*

if i could have one wish...
it would be that we'll all see each other again..
and nothing would have changed between us.
<3

i'll remember you always, Grad class '07 =)

everytime i try to fly i fall!!
because you pull me back to Earth with the chains you threw around me!

my weakness caused you pain...
and yes, i'm SORRY!

your face haunts me in my dreams!!
for no drug can cure me of what is my guilt.





// okok...enuf randoming.

do you know how it's like to be so torn up inside,
lying awake in the night,
listening to the sounds of your breathing,
numbed by the poison coursing thru your body,
clinging to the last painful memories...

do you know how it's like to want to cry,
holding on to your control,
trying not to cause anyone pain,
because it's my weakness that is the cause,
because it's my fault.


loveme;;forgiveme.
but i know it's not possible....


wow! since when i became so emo ? ahha...

love you everyone!!
XOXOXO

OK.
'im SO so SO so tired...

//crying in secret because of you.but still you have made my dreams come true.//

sorry..
kinda random here...
i guess i'm just missing people who have left =)

take care everyone!!
XOXOX

Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers
Why carry on without me

I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry
At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away

~~And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me

EVERYTIME - britney spears

this week has been pretty crazy.
haha.
tuesday ii finished exams for good..so went out with darling Panda till evening, then met with aunti&mammy& their spouses at pasir ris park. ahhaa. wanted to cycle, but the rental stores were all closed or closing when we reached...SO...we skipped to the mega playground thingy

[[note: we were reduced to 10 year olds by the exams stress]]

and basically spazzed out for a couple of hours! finally, energy having been totally spent, we dragged ourselves out to White Sands for dinner. Byt he time we went home..it was approx. 11pm or 12am?

and on wednesday, woke up pretty early to acc. Panda cos he was leaving that night...or rather thursday early morning.
came back from the airport...it was like, 3++am?
SO.
thursday, met with ting and nghi and Ms Tan to buy food for the chalet...after only about 4-5 hours slp?i know some ppl are used to surviving on that but i turn into a zombie robot on that kinda schedule. HAHA.
//Somethings are too sacred to be disfigure thru the written word, and at the same time too volatile to be held apart from the paper.//
At chalet...
andres brought this uber sweet speaker system that could really throw out beats. ahha. beautiful bass.
and so we played cards, laughed, freaked each other out, till early morning of today...i think playing stopped at 3-4am?can't remember. everything gets SO hazy when you dun have enough sleep. so the playing stopped and the drinking continued...and someone ended up getting stoned so bad he snored like a pig while sleeping on chairs! whahahahha...*evil grin*
and when it was seven or eight am, several ppl, including me, took our first real sleep of the night..haha.
woke up at ten plus, checked out, went home, took a one hour break, then went Kinokuniya to help a friend get books. went home...and am where i am now. =)

Dearest
take care and have fun wherever you are!
you're in my heart always =)
XOXO!
yourbaby``

to whom it may concern:

i'm crazy
i'm emo
and i AM missing you.
haha.=)
no matter how much you can say you don't believe me , i'm still gonna miss you.
yeah, there was a time when i wasn't sure about my feelings for you...
but it was because of exam stress.
and now i've fallen in love with you all over again.
again, you can believe me or not.
but now...
it's like i really really wanna be with you.
next to you.

you just keep saying you don't feel important in my life,
and i guess it's my fault.
but i really don't know what to do.
maybe you can help me?
you only want to be with me when we're alone.
but i have other friends.
and about tmr,
i didn't know you were free!

so anyway.
i don't know how i can make you believe me that i miss you
and that you are so important to me that i just don't feel complete unless you are with me.
i don't even understand it myself.
you're the only person who i can talk to every single night and not be bored.
[unless you're not paying me attention lah =) ]

anyway..i just want you to know
that you have to believe how much you mean to me
because if you weren't important to me

we'd have been over a long time ago.
i do
i really really do
love you.

yourbaby;;