I try to find clarity in this constantly changing world.
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Layout: vehemency
Icon: reruntherace
no
no
no
no.
i will NOT give up who i am for you.
even though i am doing subconciously now, it must stop. STOP.
Dawn is wild, free, she chooses who she will talk to and what she will do each day. She is not excessively dependent on people. AND SHE WILL NOT BE CHANGED into someone who worries, thinks continually as to what people need, and depends on him for happiness. I WILL FIND MY OWN WORLD.He is just an important part of it, not the whole. =)
so anyway.
damn sad.
friend leaving again tomorrow...
dunno what to say le, dunno what to cry le. haha. so just be heartless lo.
eh....
tmr den blog again. =))
loves.
aight.
nothing much going on so i don't really know what to blog about.
actually, mayb too much has been going on i dont know WHAT to blog about.
LOL.
results for O lvls came out. was worse than prelims....and im really really mad that i didn't do better. mad at myself, cos i got distracted.but stuff that wasn't worth it. hais. nvm, still good enough to get me into JC if i wanted, but most mostmost likely going to southern adventist university in august?think so anyway..
so...yeah.
worst grade was BIOLOGY. or did i mention that already?
no idea.
[is forgiveness really that easy? i have nightmares dreaming you'll leave me like i left you.]
yesterday went for steamyboat buffet!!
yumyumyum.
at first i had no appetite, n was super super sleepy and a bit emo. then siansian derr..wanted to go home and just be alone. then thanks to my beloved crazy girls, the evening ended with me being so high i couldn't sleep till early this morning. hehe!
so we ate and ate and ate and aattee....like pigs...then when we went home, our stomachs were like 3 months pregnant. >_<'''
today, woke up at twelve pm. =)
spent lunch with mammy and aunti , laughing and having fun as usual =)) love them to bits...
then the evening was with aunti and him. <3>
ROTI PRATA.
three days of being toilet runner again.LOL
the curry kinda freaked me out this time though...
no comment.
oh! and i bought a guy's T shirt to wear today X) it's sooo comfortable lahh... from Esprit. light baby blueee...=))
tmr, meeting up with the Siaozhabos to have sushiii and [hahahha] go pasir ris park^^
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She ran forward , happy to see a familiar face in the strange surroundings, with a smile, expecting an equally welcoming response. Yet his face was cool, the smile offered was distant. His expression seemed to question , ''do i know you??'' There seemed to be a hint of malice in his eyes, as he refused to return her greetings.
She thought he must not have seen her. How could one to whom she was so close not RECOGNIZE her..
Stopping sharply in front of him, she touched his shoulder lightly, and he pulled away even from that slightest of caresses. The truth was so painfully obvious and sudden that she had nothing to say, no tears to shed, no fury to vent. He was not willing to acknowledge that he even knew her. He wanted to forget her, wanted her to be a stranger to him. And he had done it. The realization went straight to her heart like a perfectly aimed arrow, and it was tipped with anaesthetic, numbing her temporarily to emotions.
The worst thing was that She knew it was true. Theirs had been a relationship built only in order for him to exact his revenge. It was her punishment for the past, and she could not protest against it. The room was full of strangers, but she didn't notice any of them as the cold hard truth made her shiver in the warm room.
Lowering her gaze from his own triumphant one, she nodded slowly to him, acknowleging defeat, then turned as if in a dream , and walked away from him, from the room full of strangers, and from the promises that lay shimmering on the floor like broken glass. She never looked back. She never said a word. No one did. In the silence, she heard her heart break, it's shattering as piercing and clear as a church bell pealing on a still evening. It was a physical pain, but she did not cry. She would not cry. She could not cry.
She stared into the darkening sky as it began to rumble with thunder, lightning streaking boldly across the horizons. Then the rain began to fall. It fell on her face, her body, wetting her clothes and chilling her to the bone. It didn't seem to matter. Perhaps even the heavens were seeking her distress as penalty for her transgressions. Nothing made sense to her anymore. She didn't know who to trust. The world was insane, and maybe it was against her. The rain on her cheeks seemed to be becoming warm.
She opened her eyes. It had been a dream. The rain, it was tears on her cheeks, shed in the intensity of the dream. But still she feared for the future, for reality, because dreams-they did come true.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
extremely emo piece of crap. haha.
[[it's amayzing how someone you once thought was perfect, could be so flawed on second-glance.]]
oh and btw, just wanna say happy birdday, i mean BIRTHday to that ex-darkangel... wish him all the best in life, love, and last of all, eternity. LOL. so serious derr.
Add this effect to your own photos
went to pick aunti at the airport today...
hehe.
cleaned my room, and sneeezeeeddddd. guess that says something about the dust buildup! lol.
ytd had rotiprata and ribena that was nicenicenice...cos someone pei-ed me the whole time =))and and and the curry wasn't 100% vegetarian. so this morning.... *blushh* my intestines rebelled horrendously. no further details needed!
anyway.
~ i didn't get the biikini job. i think the verdict was that i wasn't suitable for the job bcos i wasn't wild enough. lol. something like that.
so nvm, i have one interview and two jobs pending.
don't know which first =))
mammy coming back on the 25...then aunti leavin on the 31.so then maybe my job will start after that time lo.
not sure.
ah.
heck.
results coming out on the 24!!!!!
nervoussssssssssssss//
[[hold me tight till i can't even breathe =) and i feel that i belong there.]]
swam 20 laps today.
for me
that is a freaking sign of mental preoccupation.
HAHA.
mayb i'm just going mental =)
cos i'm thinking stuff like:
''i wonder how it would be like to live a simple life in the country?''
LOL.
then keep feeling like throwing up after eating...too gddmmn full.
btw, how shall i improve my engalaji??
help!
i seem to be making frightful sentences while speaking, where two english words are linked with two chinese words that are then linked with two more english words and finished off with two words in dialect. =_='''
ehhh, scary.
this morning, at EIGHT, my dad woke me up, told me to do some ''productive things'' instead of just going online, and also to ''get some breakfast in'' me and also *hinthint* go get the newspaper!..HAHA.
so fine, i got up ,
ate spaghetti for breakfast,
then readreadread half a book,
bought the newspaper after wrapping up in a cardigan[lazy to get out of my PJs!!!!] ,
then went on to clean 2 of my hamster's cages,
and finished off by cleaning the floor.
HAHA. my most productive day at home for a long time!
in the afternoon went for lunch, then scared someone was houhuiiing, nvr msg me de! *coughcough*
then just when i dun wanna care le, my phone had a missed call =)))))))
after lunchhh, had a crazy urge to swim, so i did.
i wanna go somewhere in june!
but i dont' think it's possible.
=(((((
howhowhowhow?
must i then wait until next year???
ANDANDAND
i may just be working at a BIKINI shop.
HAHAHHAAHHA.
wtf?
[[i need to believe that there is a future between us, and if i can believe that, i will love you without reservations again.]]
then someone busy DRIVING lo. kaos. but then i'm in no position to complain right?? HAHA...
drive mercedes somemore. =(((
nvm, share car is cheaper. *grins evilly* otherwise how to afford MERCEDES Lehhh..
nvm nvm , you drive a Mercedes i shou yang a Lizard. HAHAHHA. jokejoke. i only will shou yang pandas derrr.
oh man, im so gonna get into trouble with this. >_<
[[unwilling to burden you with my presence, but unable to stop my hand reaching for the phone that can bridge our distance, only hoping you would welcome my name on your callerID.]]
and there were those words she both longed for and yet dreaded to hear.
she dragged up all her objections fromt he recesses of her mind, afraid she would make a mistake again, and yet all she could think was that she wanted to be in his arms again.
the cool night air drifted around them like a caressing touch...
but still they were silent and unmoving, each wrapped in their own thoughts, with unspoken words hangin in the air between them.
and then she submitted. for once, without allowing herself to think of the consequences, to think of the reasons behind her impulse, she did as she felt.
Moving so quickly it was a blur, she threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder, and equally as quickly even though he was shocked, his arms went around her. Stroking her hair, holding her tight, calming the emotion that welled up from her in the form of streaming tears and shuddering sobs.
in his arms that way, it felt so right, unlike the others.
In his arms, she felt she had arrived Home.
ehh.
today going to have lunch wit gramps and dada.
then goin out wit ma girl..
=))
monday work starts!!
on tuesday i'm booked,
LOL.
shoppingggg!!!
and and and
that's about it.
dunno when i'll next blog.
tho most probly it's gonna be SOON.
hHAhAHah.
tired
tired
tired
tired
tired
tired.
[[i only bother arguing with people who have decent arguments that actually make sense. ]]
today went for the second day of training...which is so much more slack than ytd. LOL.
came home....and then had a surprise phone call.
@.@
goin down to school tmr to bring daddy a subwayy =P
hehehe...
im just trying to remind myself to stay firm and remember why i decided what i did.
LOL.
my will is so weak now...
i don't know.
argh.
need to think.
need to be strong.
emotions lockdown!!!!!!
graaghhhhh....
it's harder than it's ever been.why can't i just hate you?
first day of training.
started at ten, ended at six. tmr it's gonna start at 9:30 then end at 6. jeez.
well, basically they were just teaching you ur sales pitch and whatnot lo.how to present ur product, how to get closed sales.
haha.
it's what i'm worst at.
so i'm taking this on as a sort of personal challenge. if i can make sales thru telemarketing and be successful, i will have proved to myself that i can do what i am actually basically the worst at.
which would be cool.
if i can overcome this awful feeling of lightheadedness everytime i had to do 'public' speaking in the class.
LOL.
hope i survive!!!
bleh.
Chi Xin Jue Dui
feel like using a cup of latte to make you drunk
maybe that will make you love me more.
this taste of secret love, it is a feeling that you'll never know
because you, who has has someone to love you a long time ago, will never experience it.
seeing you and her in front of me
proves to me that my love is [extra]
you don't know how pitiful that is
it is an experience you have never had.
the hurt i have gone thru for you, is something you will never understand
why must i force myself to love every single thing about you.
to your rejection i have only one defense
closing the door to cry silently behind it.
i know the world where you will leave her is one that is impossible
but i'm still stupidly waiting for the day for that miracle to happen.
when that day comes, you will realize
that the one who really loves you has always been by your side.
i once thought that i would regret
not loving passionately and bravely enough
but the tears i shed for you
the changes i made for you
will never be able to be reverse your rejection of me.
hahaa. anyhow translate de. i think it's about 90% accurate though! =))
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesnt make sense.
-How Are You Feeling Today?
Oh i think they like me ~Franchize ft. JD, Da Brat
[[hmm? so i'm feeling confident that 'they' like me?? heheh...i guess i'm feeling loved!]]
-Will you get far in life?
Imagine me without you~ Jaci
[[i will get far in life if i have someone that i can't be without.. oh okay, i can live with that.]]
-How Do Your Friends See You?
Tears in heaven~Eric Clapton
[[Riiiiight.They see me as if there are tears in heaven because of me! heheh =P]]
-Will You Get Married?
Because You Loved Me~Celine
[[LOL.i'll get married cos YOU loved me.how sweet =P]]
-What Is Your Best Friend’s Theme Song?
Do i Make You Proud~Taylor Smith
[[my best friends referred to here must be those who sang this song with me for graduation then! Love you guys!!]]
-What Is The Story Of Your Life?
Da Ge~janice
[[talking about the fact that my heart is stubborn, a part of me is dying, and there is nothing left for me to do but to give in, since my love is unrequited. oh jeez. ]]
-What Was Primary School Like?
Leaving on a jet plane~Aerosmith
[[i guess so, during primary school years i was doing more travelling than studying!]]
-How Can You Get Ahead In Life?
Ming ming hen ai ni~ Guang liang/ping yuan
[[by obviously loving someone? hey! i know he's helped me thru stuff during these times but i sure hope i don't have to keep staying hung up on him!]]
-What Is The Best Thing About Your Friends?
I'm with you~Avril
[[awww.it's true! thanks to all those who said ''i'm with you'' in both words and actions when i was down! =)) loves! ]]
-What about the guys?
OOps i Did It Again~Britney
[[ermm.i keep making guys believe i'mi more interested in them than i really am?ermm.]]
-What Song Describes You?
She Will Be Loved~Maroon 5
[[wow.so touched =P]]
-To Describe Your Grandparents?
Sorry,Blame It On Me~Aaakon
[[i really really really don't get this.hahaha.]]
-How Is Your Life Going?
Girlfriend[remix]~Avril Ft. Lil'Mama
[[SO TRUE. hey hey you YOU i don't like your GIRLFRIEND]]
-What Song Will They Play At Your Funeral?
It's not Over ~Chris Daughtry
[[again, i'm touched. but wait, they are saying it's not over for them now that i'm dead or that my life, it's not over? confusing!]]
-How Does The World See You?
I'm Broken~Seether & Evanescence
[[well, i admit i have a tendency to appear emo-er than i really am =D]]
-Will You Have A Happy Life?
Better Than Me~Hinder
[[that's comforting =_=''']]
-What Do Your Friends Really Think Of You?
Hurt ~Zhang Dong Liang
[[?????? they're hurt? they're feeling like i rejected they're love andandand basically it's just a song about a guy asking a girl why she had to hurt him. =_=''' does this mean i only have one friend??]]
-Do People Secretly Lust After You?
You're Beautiful ~James Blunt
[[erm.flattered??]]
-How Can I Make Myself Happy?
Dear Diary ~Britney
[[by writing a diary, or by finding a hot guy to fall in love with and write/sing about. hmm.good idea.]]
-What Should You Do With Your Life?
Don't Matter ~Aaakon
[[this.is.the.most.retarded.answer.ever.but.it's HILARIOUS.hahahha.]]
-Will You Ever Have Children?
Too Little Too Late ~Jojo
[[OMG!!!! noooooo~~~~~~i wanted two!!!!]]
hahaha. i got this from Valval. =)
Striding into the hall, willing herself not to trip in the new peeptoe pumps she had just 'invested' in for her job, she exchanged brief pleasantries with two of his friends, leaving T. to extend warmer welcomes. Unable to resist, she glanced into the room he controlled the nuances of sounds from. A split second. It was enough. She saw a strong, familiar figure, white shirted and with a head of sticky-out hair that she knew he had just straightnened before they had said their goodbyes. Blocking that image out of her mind, she led the way to their seats near the front fo the suddenly chilling auditorium.//
Then the familiar rhythms and words of the songs welled up around her, but they only swept more haunting memories back to her mind. She couldn't lose herself in this music as she often did, the knowledge that it was his hands that controlled the music kept pulling her back to thoughts of him. of them. The reality that she hurt him, left him, and made him hate her invaded her already throbbing mind. ''ahhh damn it!''
and with that mental dismissal, she blasted her ipod to drown out her surroundings.//
But she saw him briefly in a reflection as he reorganized the stage at the end of the service. Swearing in an extremely unladylike manner in her mind, she still couldn't help remembering the countless times she had watched him perform those same actions in the past two years, when they had at least been friends.Outwardly, however, she stood poised if not a touch preoccupied in a simple black top, denim mini, and black stockings for modesty. it was, after all, a church. 90 percent black outfit, a highly accurate colour indicator for her mood of the day.//
she suddenly remembered why she hated him. well, almost hated him anyway. That damnned slut, correction, sluts, and his games with them. being a playa she could understand, heck she had urges to do stupid things too, butlying to her she could not accept.If he truly loved her as he said, he would not have lied. There was nothing more to be said. But somehow that truth hurt her more than anything had ever hurt her before..//
so. No, she didn't want his pictures.
No, she didn't want his touch.
No, she didn't want his gifts.
NO NO NO.
she didn't want him.
but then why was she even writing about him now?????
___________________________________________________________________
so can you see why i have been forced to put my renegrade emotions in lockdown??
after writing this on saturday, while waiting for T's hair to be stretched and dyed to perfection, i was so drained emotionally that...i realized i was wasting time energy and mental health on thinking about it.him.them.yeah. WHATEVER.
but still, i think it's the longest piece i've written for awhile so i'll post it. =))
still, what's up there is only about one third of what i wrote in total. truly, salons are boring places to be !!
当世界不知不觉的变了Dang shi jie bu zhi bu jue de bian le
有时候我怀念以前的我You shi hou wo huai nian yi qian de wo
作的梦虽然远远的Zuo de meng sui ran yuan yuan de
想像是一种快乐Xiang xiang shi yi zhong kuai le
拥有了同时也失去什黱Yong you le tong shi ye shi qu shen me
而眷恋原来会带来软弱Er juan lian yuan lai hui dai lai ruan ruo
你让我在雾里成熟Ni rang wo zai wu li cheng shou
心开始曲折Xin kai shi qu zhe
我不想舍得不想懂得Wo bu xiang she de bu xiang dong de
是谁惹谁言不由衷Shi shui re shui yan bu you zhong
说谎伤害都是不安犯的错Shuo huang shang hai dou shi bu an fan de cuo
怕抱不紧什黱Pa bao bu jing shen me
我不想舍得不想懂得Wo bu xiang she de bu xiang dong de
谁说割爱才更深刻Shui shuo ge ai cai geng shen ke
彼此依赖是爱不是负荷Bi ci yi lai shi ai bu shi fu he
互相照顧 就是幸福的 Hu xiang zhao gu jiu shi xin fu de
當世界 不知不覺的變了Dang Shi Jie Bu Zhi Bu Jue De Bian Le
有時后 我懷念以前的我You Shi Hou Wo Huai Nian Yi Qian De Wo
作的夢雖然遠遠的Zuo De Meng Sui Ran yuan yuan de
想像是一種快樂Xiang xiang shi yi zhong kuai le
拥有了 同時也失去什麼yong you le tong shi ye shi qu shen me
而眷戀 原來會帶來軟弱Er juan lian yuan lai hui dai lai ruan ruo
你讓我在霧里成熟Ni rang wo zai wu li cheng shou
心開始曲折Xin kai shi qu zhe
我不想舍得不想懂得Wo bu xiang she de bu xiang dong de
是谁惹谁言不由衷Shi shui re shui yan bu you zhong
说谎伤害都是不安犯的错Shuo huang shang hai dou shi bu an fan de cuo
怕抱不紧什黱Pa bao bu jing shen me
我不想舍得不想懂得Wo bu xiang she de bu xiang dong de
誰說割愛才更深刻Shui shuo ge ai cai geng shen ke
彼此依赖是爱不是负荷Bi ci yi lai shi ai bu shi fu he
能握著手 就是感動的Neng wo zhe shou jiu shi gan dong de
我愿意 一秒鐘放棄全宇宙Wo yuan yi yi miao zhong fang qi quan yu zhou
擠在只有我們緊靠的小星球Qi zai zhi you wo men jing kao de xiao xin qiu
我不想舍得 不想懂得Wo bu xiang she de bu xiang dong de
是誰惹誰言不由衷Shi shui re shui yan bu you zhong
说谎伤害都是不安犯的错Shuo huang shang hai dou shi bu an fan de cuo
怕抱不紧什黱Pa bao bu jing shen me
我多不舍得 多不懂得Wo duo bu she de duo bu dong de
誰說割愛才更深刻Shui shuo ge ai cai geng shen ke
彼此依賴是愛不是負荷Bi ci yi lai shi ai bu shi fu he
能握著手就是感動的Neng wo zhe shou jiu shi gan dong de
說謊傷害Shuo huang shang hai
都是不安犯的錯Dou shi bu an fang de cuo
怕抱不緊什麼Pa bao bu jing shen me
我多不舍得多不懂得Wo duo bu she de duo bu dong de
誰說割愛才更深刻Shui shuo ge ai cai geng shen ke
彼此依賴是愛不是負荷Bi ci yi lai shi ai bu shi fu he
能握著手就是感動的Neng wo zhe shou jiu shi gan dong de
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEXOkhYHpW8
^
some very interesting thing..
erm...
basically i looked it up cos i'm like missing school.
LOL.
going back tmr for recess with my 'partner'...
go eat canteen food!
yayy...
even tho it kinda sucks..
but...
oh shit.
i almost miss him.
nononono.
my emotions are in lock down.
just those parts that are related to him.
cos i can't handle it.
and heyy, it's pretty carefree this way!
hehee..
work today first day of first job. omg.
leg skin break.
and only sell one piece.
but im not complaining.
i get paid to slack =))
| You Are 46% Evil |
 You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination. |
| What Dawn Chee Means |
 You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. |
i
can't
wait
to
leave
this
place.
cos i have a feeling that every saturday after this is gon be shit.
=)
i'm sorry, i'm weak.
i dont' have the strength i used to, alright?
just have enough willpower n strength to be 'normal'?
every one of ur friends that ask me about it, they tell me, i have to ACCEPT IT.cos GUYS ARE LIKE THAT.
NO I'M NOT GONNA BELIEVE THAT.
being a guy ain't an excuse to break trust.
i broke trust with you, but im not excusing my behavior based on my gender.i'm not excusing it at all.
but at least i was honest with you and ended our rs.
even though it hurts me to hurt you, i still can't stop myself from doing it.
why?
i have too many questions and no answers. ahhh heck care.
anyway.
maybe working at vivocity.
=)
one store called me back [wow how amayzing =P]
so we'll see how it goes.
today!
went to see national treasure.
really cool.
liked the scenes with the president. hehe.
=))
then went takashimaya to meet ting.
cookies!!!!
yong tau fu!
today is definately food day.
keep eating and eating and eating and eating. i could go on, but im getting hungry now. so i'll stop.
gonna sleep now.
sick of crying and 'drawing' every nite before i sleep. hahah!
aren't you?
im hungry again..
mayb there's baby inside me.
immaculate conception.HAHAHHA.
KNS
| You Should Wear Black Lipstick |
 Confident, dramatic, and unexpected. Your look: Gothic beauty Your signature lip gloss flavor: Ginger |
| You Are a Dreaming Soul |
 Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul |
| Your Style is Classy |
 You've got class, and you know how to put together a guy catching outfit You're more likely to shop at Bloomie's than bebe For you style is looking like a million bucks... And you're always do with your fantastic yet feminine wardrobe |
| You Had an Average Year |
 While you had some setbacks, your year also brought some good things. All in all, things mostly evened out. That's just how life works. Focus on what went well for you - and what you can improve. A new year is a perfect reason to give yourself a fresh start! |
| The Recipe For dawn |
 3 parts Vigor 2 parts Love 1 part Dignity Splash of Brilliance Finish off with whipped cream |
as i was thinking...
i shud list all the regrets and satisfactions of the last one year....
i think, my biggest regret -messing it up between us.
-too much has been said on this, no need anymore. but it is like, my truest and greatest regretttt.
The second regret -being distracted by the social intricacies when i was supposed to put my all into the O lvls.
-i was distracted by stuff, bf, gfs, going out, eating. LOL.bad bad bad. sigh.but i think i did do my best lah.
The third regret is most probably -not being a better friend to those i could have been.
-how to put this? i was pretty antisocial, keeping only to one group of people. but then again, more sociability means less time, means less study right? haahaa. =_=
Fourthly -not treasuring the last few moments with my class and teachers.
-this is last, cos i think i did treasure the time alot, just could have treasured it MORE. lol.
and since i think 5 is nicer number than 4, i'll make this..fifthly -not being braver a long time ago, to approach you and see thru my fears.
-mayb if i had we ma have had a chance? but no, forget it, i shouldn't be regretting this. =D that's why, it's last. lol.
as to my satisfactions...
there's quite alot =)basically, everything i don't regret i'm satisfied with, but these are some that i can pinpoint.
#prelims!-i think L1R5 was alright... =))chinese finally get A.
#weight =P - after exams i managed to lose the 'exam kilos' lah!
#writing -some classes in sch really helped me improve my riting.LOL.
#attitude -i'm learning to be more care less about things that i don't like but can't be changed.And also getting 'braver', or is foolhardy?? haha.
#shopping >< -finally, i'm getting decent clothes. =_='''
#overall- there's this sense of closure. as in, acceptance of everything that's happened, both good and bad, and the accompanying results. well, 80 percent closure. i'm still struggling with the other 20% but im getting there! =)
so i guess that's it.
compared to 2006, 2007 was more dramatic, more volatile, had more attitude, more opinionated, more fast moving, and much much more tiring. haha. on the whole, i had more regrets in the latter year. In general, i think there were friendships that were strong but broke in the end, and weak ones that became stronger. People changed, ideals changed, and relationships [bf/gf] moved quickly from togetherness to squabbling and seperation. I guess life's like that, change is the only constant.
so...
after everything is said and done,
i have these people to thank for making the year what it was=)
siaozhabos:
my darling darling bestiies. even though we're not all together now, the times and laughter and tears we shared will always be a large part of the memories of my short school life. =) i think the thing i really have to thank you all for is not losing patience with me even tho im less mature and experienced than you. Thank you aunti for ur HELP during the SYC camp and for putting up with me jumping on you abruptly at the chalet cos my nerves were shot. LOL. =P thank you mammy for the words of experience that guided me thru parts of my frightful experiences with the opposite sex. [[btw, i love ur new year's resolution!! ]] and simply for being my mammy! <3 you girls! <3
blur gang:
they're really fun to be with and can never fail to make you laugh even when you want to cry. =P especially, Kywe, lao pa, and Srong. first one is for singing for approx 30 mins straight.even tho it may not have been especially for me, u'll nvr know how much it helped me. =) second is for lending me a listening ear, even tho i think he nvr understood half of what i was saying due to the vagueness of my ramblings. haha. from what he understood, he told me a very important thing, and that is never to give up before giving yourself a chance to prove that it truly is impossible. if you never try, you'll never know. =) thank you for that, laopa! finally, Srong.
thanks to him for winning aunti's heart and making her happy during her last few months here. =) and thanks to the whole gang for the noise and laughter they added to post-prelim study sessions and occasionally, church. <3
shopping divas:
alright, i admit this was made up on the spot! the name, i mean. =P
i defin can't make up such caring, sweet, and unique people like yen and chacha =))
a big thank you to chacha for sharing a VVVVVVspecial dream with me, for being an extrmly good seatmate , and for all the jolly times we spent tgh[iceskating!!!!] =))thank you to yen because she's always so funny and brings humour n beauty wherevr she goes ! this year wouln't have been as great as it was without you both! <3
aight.
i'm not done yet!!!!don't scold me yet k, i still have teachers and church peeps to go! but i'm sleepy so i'll stop, otherwise my thanks won't be from the heart. ahhah! as it'd be asleep! =P
nitenite!
wassup.
today went to school. LOL.
just to pick up something lahhh.
pick up AIDS, [JOKE]
so anyway..
picked up my preciaous jerseyyy...and then went to say hello to the ppl i knoe, who showed up in schul today. People got promoted!! yeaaahhh =D you go guys! so anyhow, went to vivocity for interview. The shop if Lafon.. like, wtf name is that? but nice manager.. they wanted me to do like, training for two weeks, during which i couldn't get friday off. which is bad cos they do like twelve hour shifts. i'm just starting to realize how difficult the SDA guidelines can be when working outside. sighh.
after that i went to walk arnd the whole of vivo, applied for 4 more jobs. LoL. what to do, they all dun want adventists de. GRRRR. so it's alright, mayb i'll get the job at Forever 21? cos they're like, expanding. LOL. getting fatter. or whatever. so yeah, sales. jeez. i know nuts about sales. but i guess it can be learnt =) just be really really fake when needed, and believe in ur product. =_=''' hey, i think i'll do well. =P
so anyway, at school, it's so hard to believe i'm over done and complete with that place. HEE! that sense of freedom is really apparent when you see all those sitting in classrooms. whahahaha. but then again, there's this nostalgia, cos it seems just so yesterday that i was in their place, sitting there finding ways not to pay attention to the teacher. =P
and now it's all over...i kinda miss it. not the studying, not much anyway, but more the friends and people there...even miss those annoying ones [=P] but onli a lil miniscule bit . LOL.
came home...
and i'm aimless.
feeling helpless.
and BORED.
boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored.
u know, it's like m going to school..and almost everyone is asking me. about us. him. and i feel that i have done wrong. like, in their eyes. and i guess i can understand that... but it still hurts.
i guess it hurts cos i feel i have done wrong too? as in, done wrong to have even had any history with him, to have let things get so far that it had to end.
i wish there was this confessional i could use to remove the guilt. seriously. siigh.
oh well.
on a lighter note, i think i'll make another resolution. =P
17. quit swearing. [aight, this is for Ms granny =) ]
let's hope i can keep it then =P
new years resolutions cont. :
11.don't rely on first impressions so much
12.learn dance! T.Tso long ler..
13.eat more 'good' food. [[LOL]]
14.not like anyone [!!] get engaged to college. haha.
15.stop slacking off in church during sermons.
16.don't hurt anyone this year. ><
hee!
it's 1st jan =D
2008
hahaha...
and how did i spend my last day of 2007??
extremely well i think =)
morning, woke up extra early...went to the airport to send a friend off. haha.
drank ...stuff...with him. no ill effects though! wasn't even unnaturally high =P
so then sent him off...felt a bit like crying lah, for no good reason! ahaha.
guess it's just sad that all the people i'm used to in school are leaving. most of them anyway. sigh.
so had to meet ting at bedok.. took two buses to reach there...and then waited at the Macs there. some AB kept looking at me. what, nvr see girl before ah! =_=''' bought apple pie, but dint eat it... suddenly, i see this 'auntiiiii' coming from accross the road. HAHA. but a very sexy aunti, to be fair ~~
=D
next time girl, no need to wear the shirt better, same thing. HAHAA.
[actually..the hair was okay lah!]
so so so we went to town, cine, and queued up to get a place in Suki Sushi. isn't it crazy how we're willing to wait for one n a half hours just to pay 20 bucks for a meal??
HAHA..
after lunch, shopping.
handphone pouch...hair spray...GUCCI PERFUME PIG. hahahaha. no cardigan, so sad!
then went to The Coffee Bean to get a caffiene buzz.
the guy in charge of dispensing ur orders to you, shouts ur name so loud, i jumped the first time lah. LOL. but he sure gets things done fast~~
by that time, it was already dark [surprising! cos the time seemed to pass so fast...]
and got on the MRT to go home...
thank goodness it wasn't too crowded.
reached home...
erm. details of what happens after that is kinda private.
just that i forced myself to stay awake into the wee wee hours of the morning..
slept about 3? or 4? can't remember. i know i blanked out on granny tho! then after that went to sleep.
slept till 1 or 2 pm today.. got up, ate a bit, then something happened to my guts. like, organs. HAHA.not pleasant....
over ate yesterday i think =P
supposed to go out wit someone today...den had to help my mum last minute, paiseh! so postphoned e meeting... =(
later have to have dinner with grandparents.
i guess that's it for the first day of e new year~ =_='''
extrmly boring..
but relaxing.
=D
[[thanks for the memories, because i have realized that i am contented with just what you gave me, i dont' need anymore than that. For the first time, i can think about you, and laugh, because i've realized what has been , what is, and what will be, is all part of life. whatever i do won't change it, won't change you. and accepting that fact has brought me happiness =) ]]
does wildness and sweetness have to be opposite traits ne'er found in the same person?
i think not..
there's no reason why i can't be crazy, have fun, push the limits, and not be caring to those that matter to me , or considerate of the general people around.
i think my 'wild' times only affect those who refuse to accept who i am . because no matter what i do or say, the one thinking, breathing, and eating, is still me. dawn chee jing fen char seow pau lou mai kai chee jeung fun hor fun tou sha pau...etc. =P
can you accept me for who i am?
can you respect the person i am inside?
alright~
duty beckons.
later....