Love, Dawn♥

Aight!!
today was prettyyyyyy interesting.
Dragged my ass out of bed super early for a saturday, and went down *drum roll* for the SS song service. can't believe it still lah!
then after that went to 'try and get high' but didn't really succeed. just got sleepy. HAHA.
So my SISTER came just in time for service, [thank you thank you girl =)) ] and during the sermonette, i fell asleep during the last few minutes . andandand when my friend tried to wake me up, i just went back to sleep on the other side. actually she was trying to tell me it was time for the ''congregation to rise'' but i couldn't hear a thing cos of my iipod. *blushblush*

Then was communion, sis and i 'escaped' to Cheers during foot washin. Then came back, saw some people, felt a bit weird, but neveryoumind! what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger!! LOL. So after feeling weird, i went to the school first floor toilet, cos the church toilet was filled up with Ahsos and the like. eeuuurrgh. Then as i was climbing back down the stairs to the canteen from the first floor[side stairs], suddenly felt a bit dizzy and lost concentration! so my super slippery slippers slipped out from under me and i landed ignominiously on my behind on the steps =_=''' with my legs spread wide open, but somehow my skirt flared out nicely and not obcenely. for all you knew i could have been enjoying a rest on those steps. LOL. after the first few seconds of shock, i started laughing my ass off.actually more like 'ku xiao' lo.bitter laughter. AHHA. then the lady who was there to see me fall asked me if i was alright , then started laughing at me laughing. =_='''

finally got my limbs back into order and went down to sit thru the whole communion service. didn't participate this time, cos of certain CIRCUMSTANCES...didn't feel like i should. walked to United square..along the way, felt sorry for a poor green maggotty thing that was knocked to the hot cement path, so *squirms* picked it up and tossed it into the shade. Lol. at least it'll die in the shade =P
Went for lunch....ate Pizza Hut.. then ICE CREAM at Udders. =)) beer choc. The beer taste was a bit too strong.... and i bought it without knowin it was mixed with beer =-= '''
ate already felt like ZzzZzzZZZzzz-ing. i guess alcohol has that effect on me??

Oh yeah! then in Pizza Hut... i only have one thing to say. [[ i was shocked!! so sorry if i was like a goldfish... but don't put the blame on me, see who my teacher is! LOL. &&&&why don't YOU teach me since you're obviously better =P hehehehhehe. i have no objections!!!]]

SO. After Udders, went to kopitiam to watch somebody eat. hahaha. aarrgghhs!!! so cute... i wanna feed him cannn!? cannot. LOL. went to the MRT, i went home, and granny went on a DATE. with i dunno who lah huh. people say wanna stalk her in the end nvr stalk... LOL. no fun de. =)

WARNING: THIS IS A RANT.
[[not that i really believed them in the first place lah. stalking is just retarded okay!! which reminds me. To all those LOSERS out there who actually FOLLOW PEOPLE AROUND , get a life. =_=''' Even if you like/love/obsess over that person, it's a dumb and psychotic thing to do. Believe me, it's an urge we all have, but only the weak give in to it!! don't do it! I know some people who actually FOLLOW GUYS AROUND just because they like them. But the thing is the guys don't even like them.that's pathetic. and STALKING CAN TAKE MANY FORMS. all of which are equally retarded. okay. rant finished. =P]]

Actually wanted to buy papercutter from popular to do 'project' on the way home, but then remembered it was saturday, so cannot anyhow buy things. LOL. some more, to be emo on a day that i saw darkangel flying around will be like disrespect to him lah. HAHHAAAAAAA. LIKE REAL.
mainly cos of sabbath issues lo.

SO. was waiting for the bus, got approached by two ppl wanting donations. both so freaky. i gave the second a damn pissed off look, but he STILL DIDNT GET THE HINT. i need to work on my scary face alot more. =( Many wild ideas polluted my brain until i managed to fall asleep on the bus, but luckily woke up in time to get off at the correct stop! LOL. reached home, showered, and been on the computer since then. later wanna watch good luck chuck. i have a rough idea what it's like, soooooo, parental guidance not advised. HAHAHA. they're fully asleep now. =P

Today was basically full of stupid things done by Yours Truly. =P go ahead and laugh =)

according to my sista,

i forgot to pay my Brain Bill. =P

Like What You Ask For.

I'm sorry that I can't understand your anger
To read and understand your heart
Forgive me because I enter your life
Trying to find a gap in your heart

I know I will never able to be like how you want me to be
but as long as I'm still breathing
I will try
To be the person you ask for

Forgive me because I enter you live
Trying to find a gap in your heart

I know I will never able to be like how you want me to be
But as long as I'm still breathing I will try

I know [s]he's the one who is able
To be like what you ask for
But as long as I'm still breathing I will try
To be the person you ask for

I know I will never able
To be like how you want me to be
But as long as I'm still breathing I will try

I know [s]he's the one who is able
To be like what you ask for
But as long as I'm still breathing I will try
To be the person you ask for

Like what you ask for
I will try to be like what you ask

Seperti Yang Kau Minta.

Maafkan aku tak bisa memahami maksud amarahmu
Membaca dan mengerti isi hatimu
Ampuni aku yg telah memasuki kehidupan kalian
Mencoba mencari celah dalam hatimu

Aku tahu 'ku takkan bisa
Menjadi s'perti yang engkau minta
Namun selama nafas berhembus aku kan mencoba
Menjadi seperti yang kau minta

Ampuni aku yang telah memasuki kehidupan kalian
Mencoba mencari celah dlm hatimu

Aku tahu 'ku takkan bisa
Menjadi yang s'perti engkau minta
Namun selama nafas berhembus aku kan mencoba
Aku tahu dia yang bisa
Menjadi s'perti yang engkau minta
Namun selama aku bernyawa aku kan mencoba
Menjadi s'perti yang kau minta

Aku tahu 'ku takkan bisa
Menjadi s'perti yang engkau minta
Namun selama nafas berhembus aku kan mencoba
Aku tahu dia yang bisa
Menjadi seperti yang engkau minta
Namun selama aku bernyawa aku kan mencoba
Menjadi s'perti yang kau minta

Seperti yang kau minta
Aku kan mencoba menjadi s'perti yg kau minta

this time what I want is you
there is no one else who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away

I've seen it all and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away
I try to make my way to you but still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

[[even though this is written by lifehouse. i mean every word of it. =) if only you cold hear me calling out to you, to come and take me away, to give me a chance to steal your heart.]]

We're both looking for something
That we've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide
Looking at you,holding my breath,
For once in my life,
I'm scared to death,

I'm feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin

Well maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight

Like being in love
Can feel for the first time
The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes

Oooo...
Today i was SO extremely irritated.
and some ppl can't tell when im pissed off.
which made me even more pissed off.
la la la lass....
i think PMS ba. Nothing too serious.i think?
whatever.
just be careful...

i'm a dangerous woman now. =P

I love you. Ever since i saw you sitting there on the first day of exams, my heart was captured. Somehow i knew you were a good person inside. Even though you acted so tough and like SUCH A JACKASS, under all my Words Of Pride, i loved the person i knew you were. So i loved you till the end of the year, making a fool of myself in your eyes , i'm sure, but still, it was because i was brain dead in your presence. I could talk to any other guy, any other person, and be myself , but with you, i froze, i could not be who i truly was, and i believe that is why you never looked my way. I understand that, because i could not even respect myself. Besides, you loved her, and everyone knew that. I respected that. If it made you happy, that was what i wanted too. If i could have , i would have persuaded her to accept you. But she would not. Even though you did so much for her, and yes, i know about certain things that happened, she still loved another. When i saw you hurt, i hurt for you too. It's inexplainable, but it's true. All i wanted was for you to be able to be happy, for you to have what i know you wanted so bad. In comparison with your need for her, my want for you paled.

During the holidays i managed to push memories of you into a dusty corner of my mind, but when school reopened, you were in my class. Facing you everyday, i didn't know if i should be happy or cry in sheer frustration.I could see you but i could not talk to you. Blame it on my being intimidated by you. She was gone, but there was another girl, albeit this time a rumour. I hated for the rumour to be true, because she didn't deserve you. A player, she cared only for material things. Thankfully it wasn't true.

Anyway, the few and simple times when you spoke to me, even if it was just to ask for h/w papers or to tease me, my heart would be happier for that day. I still don't know why you have that effect on me. One day when you didn't come to school, i was fucking worried. Even your brother didn't know where you were, and as the periods went by i kept looking at your empty chair, wondering where the heck you were and if you were safe. After recess, you suddenly appeared. I wanted to throw my arms around you and keep you where i could see you forever, so afraid to have hard come to you, but i couldn't. You would have not liked it. So i ran to the bathroom and cried... because i was frustrated yet so relieved that you were fine. Do you consider this childish?

Valentine's Day. It took me the whole day to gather the courage to give you the simple chocolate. When i finally did, i blushed so badly that my dad noticed it when he took me for dinner later. When he asked me why i said it was sunburn =_=''' but that's beside the point. It's just i don't understand why you can do this to me, why my emotions towards you are so intense. i'm not a person who loves easily or for long, especially if there's practically no communication between the person and me. But i loved you.

Till Gospel camp 07, the first one at Sembawang. I decided i had to either let go or pursue you in earnest. Watching you, i didn't think you'd appreciate it if i did the latter, so i spent one night there, letting go of you. It rained as i sat there in the darkness, the thunder and lightning echoing in my heart. The unlucky friend who accompanied me as i cried thought i was crazy. But i was just cutting the Pieces Of You from my heart. & it fucking hurt.

After that i could look at you in class and feel nothing. Perhaps i even hated you? i don't remember. Mostly i just didn't care anymore about you. It was a feeling of freedom, and i was happy. Then i had Him. I had no more 'baggage' in the form of YOU. So it went well, even when we had problems i put in whatever effort i could to make him happy, i wanted our relationship to work. And i guess it did. Technically.

Until Graduation.. We had that special song performance, remember? Do I Make You Proud, for the teachers on the so-called Graduation Day. Maybe it was a combination of both the fact that we [him and me] were having a rough time, and the fact that you were still the you that i fell in love with not-so-very-long-ago. I still remember , after our practise was over on that Sunday, i told Ting, '' even spending this little time with him is going to get my into deep shit.'' And it did. By that Monday i had the fucked up task of loving two people. Does this make me a player? I don't think so. You were the first one in my heart after all.

I don't know if you heard it then, but when i heard it i realized that the reason i could want you again so quickly after so little time spent not even alone but just in the same group with you, was that i felt you were Sempurna. I compared other guys to you and found them wanting. Is this stupid? Ting tells me it is, and i kind of feel so myself, but the heart is an unexplainable object that doesn't listen to reason.

The next few weeks, i was happy. Our groups studied together, thanks to Cambonam, and i remember you having such fun scaring me when the corridors were dark. The flirt that you could be, you cornered me against the wall and told me i ''can't do anything because it is dark'', and i knew you were joking, but in my mind, i wouldn't have wanted to do anything. There was no way i could have or would have resisted you. Does that make me sound cheap? I'm not, it's only this way for you.

Then there was the fact that all the while i was feeling this for you, i was still attached to him. And i honestly didn't know what to do. It was the first time in my life i was ''unfaithful'' to a bf. Of course the logical answer was to break up with him. But i couldn't bring myself to do it yet. After all, there was no chance of being with you, because i knew you liked AK. Liked? A person like you only loves.

So why should i destroy a relationship with someone who loves me for the simple reason that my heart refused to cooperate where you were concerned? But when you were in front of me, i literally could be unaware of everything else around. When you asked me something or played with me, time stood still in my mind. Did you think i was spacing out? I was right back where i began, and i didn't miss the freedom of not wanting you.

The chalet. You were sick, and i was hurting for you. Again. You were sick and still trying to take part in the activities because that's what you are like. When it was truth and dare, you were a good sport even though i could see you lacked energy.There was nothing i could do, even though i wanted to do something, anything to help you, there was nothing i could do! After the room had quieted and the guys were scattered around drinking and snoring[andres].... i went out to the balcony to be alone. But Vid followed me. The first thing i said to him when he asked me if anything was wrong, ''how can i love two people at the same time!'' It was a new and frightening experience for me.

I started telling him about how i felt, how frustrated i was that i couldn't do anything for you even though you were sick, asked him questions about you. I only remember a few. I just wanted to know- if you were annoyed by the fact that i liked you. and if you were really the jackass that you acted like sometimes or if that was just an exterior. Because even though i believed you were not, i was afraid of being blinded by what i felt for you, and needed confirmation...&I got it.

Then i went to talk to you. Till today, i can't really remember what we talked about. I just want to know, did you really care if i cried? After we went out, in order to prevent ''people talking'', i jumped on a sleeping CamboNAM and cried. She wondered how i could cry just from talking to you. I just didn't want to talk to anyone about it.

Because i felt like you had already walked out of my life. Somehow it felt like a goodbye to me. Something i wanted but never thought i'd have, and when i had it, it was brief, fleeting, and that moment wouldn't return to me.The moment when at least part of YOU wanted me. I'm not so naive to think the whole of you wanted me. It was so bittersweet. The knowledge that you regretted the time spent with me hurt like hell, but i was happy that at least i had that memory of you. Is it selfish of me? I don't know...i can only tell you honestly what i feel.

And because i thought i had succeeded, i went back together with Him. I thought , stupidly, that it could work. And it did. For awhile. Until i worked with Vid, and seeing him so often reminded me of you. You see a computer, you think of computer games, you see a moon, you think of stars. It was inescapable that i'd remember you.

I believe that the person you love the most in the end is the one you truly love. For me, that person is you. Even though i tried to love Him and be the best i could for Him, It was all wiped out the moment i just had a dream about you. I didn't even have to see you in person, just in a dream. You were back in your home country at that time. I actually dreamt of you 3 or more times in one week, & i scared even myself . It's just that i wanted to see you so much... where were you??

Now, everytime i see you, i'm nervous, but i take Vid's advice and try to ''grow some balls''. To be able to see you is enough to make me contented. That day and that night, i was happy just watching you be you. It was what made me able to last through the camp with minimum sleep and maximum output. Everytime i felt unable or unwilling to go on cooperating or participating in the camp's activities, i'd look at the pictures you drew, and somehow i'd be able to carry on. You may think i'm thinking too much, but i believe in everything i'm telling you.

Don't worry, i'll not turn into Monster Hunter the 2nd, because i believe true love lets the other person have freedom. I'm tired of trying to erase you from my heart, because your footsteps are stubborn, but i will not interfere in your life. Be happy, that's all i want for you.

50 Quiz Questions
Tagged by: Jasper xiia han lin.

1.Do you like to talk a lot?
♥ depends on my mood =)

2. Do you love anyone now?
♥ i love my darlings,darkangel, family, God,pets, gan-family, and human pets.

8. Do you smoke or drink?
♥ i'm not a smoker[even tho i have nothing against them!] and i'm not an alcoholic.

9. Do you like your teachers?
♥ yes! ms tan i hope you're reading this! i love youuu =P

12. Do you have a pet?
♥ 6 hamsters and one dog, and that's just the animal pets. the human pets ...i have one bunny, bear, duck, chicken, hamster, puppy....andddd i forgot what else.sry >_<

14. Do you eat every morning?
♥ my stomach, according to jasper, is made of steel. i can dun eat till 12 or later. =P

15. Do you go online everyday?
♥ depends on what timee i get back from work and how tired i am.

19. What are you listening to now?
♥ [i din know air-con has sound de lehhh] song! told you already dUmBaSs!-Wo Huai Nian De, by Sun Yan Zi.

20. Who was the last person who sent you a message?
♥ my darlingest Darling. the contents ah, DUN TELL YOU. hehehhe.

22. Last time someone made you happy?
♥ just now! when my darlingest Darling met me for dinner =P

25. Do you love the people who make you happy?
♥ you're a real dUmBaSs to have to ask this question. i LOVE them to BITS can.

26. Do you believe in those people?
♥ believe in them? that they exist? what u mean sia!

27. What is your target for this year?
♥ shouldn't that be WHO? but target is just have a good fulfilling year lo. what else?

28. Do you rather shop alone or with people?
♥ with my two darlingest Darlings! hehehe.

33. What can you say about your ex-gf?
♥ shouldn't this be ex-bf? if it is, i can say, he was nice to me.

36. Do you think your ex really lovedyou?
♥ read my previous post for my thoughts on this.

37. Message to your enemy?
♥ screw you! whoever you are. HAHAHA. cos i dun know that i have an enemy, unless they consider themself my enemy, in that case, like i said, screw yoU! haha.

38. The most important thing in a relationship?
♥ understanding and no secrets. trust me, the moment there's secrets, everything goes DOWN THE DRAIN INTO EVERLASTING HELL AND FIRE.

39. Say something about alcoholism?
♥ alcoholism...is addiction to alcohol....which sucks.really.not that i've tried though.

40. Any advice to a friend you know who has a problem?
♥ hang in there, i'm with you on this! =))

41. What can you say about the people you HATE?
♥ i believe i told you i do NOT hate anyone????

49. Are you looking forward on valentines day?
♥ i'm not looking forward to it cos i'm shortsighted and it's like, almost one year away. =_+

yo!
today was off...woke up at 11 plus to reply sms, AHHAA.then went back to sleep, replied again at one plus, then slept till almost two. HAHA. finally dragged my ass out of bed, changed it to the sofa, and watched Epic Movie. watched till three plus, then watched taiwan show on TV till four thirty...
showered, changed, make up, then my aunt came over, just as i was about to go out. fixed my outfit to become more decent, then ate half of the food she bought for me. haha.
went out, slacked while waiting for my fren to arrive. LOL. treasure hunt huh...
kkk. dinner was nice =)thanks.
and then shopshop! hee! took SO long to decide if i shud get black or white. HAHA. i was like 50% wan black 50% wanting white. finally made a call to my darling girl tingting...and bought white =D
if not nice i shall CHANGE!!! hee.

[[RANDOM THOUGHT: I WANNA LEARN DANCE!!!!!!]]

i need more shopping therapy, but not enuf $$. haish. nvmmm...i can control spending de. =P

what else is there...
hmmm...
im taking advantage to lose weight now lah...but somehow very hungry. the first wk after Alkane to Alkene i managed to lose one kg nia. but now gain back already i think. summore everyday feel like eating more and more. mayb growth spurt ba. haha.
what to do. dun dare to control eating too much...

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and mood wise. it's veryveryveryveryveryvery bad. i feel like breaking things. i don't know why. but there's so little good emotions in me and so much bad emotion, that i'm about to spontaneously combust if i do not sleep now. so. goodnight!

aight!
back from spark camp.
feel like i've returned to civilization lo. HAHAHA.
let's see...
overall, it was nice =)
especially since i had the memories of someone WALKING to tide me thru. >_<
okay. that's stupid. but nvm!!!! i had fun jiu dui le =))
thanks to those kind kind ppl at the camp. <3
.................................................................................................
congratulations to shanice cashh joel and mianmian =)
grow stronger !
.................................................................................................

so in detail....
thursday was, veryveryvery tiring but nice. no further details shall be given =P
friday was desperately tiring cos i slept only about one hour the night before and SO...was holding onto sanity by a thread during the outdoor activities at Kent Ridge Park. I'm sorry if i wasn't a good leader =( but i did my best. i think. =P
anyway...friday night slept! cos nothing to do also ma. Saturday, starting to feel really tired le, but still managed to get up, out of the cozy cozy sleeping bag, and drag my ass to go shower in the FREEZING COLD water. luckily there wasn't so many activities during that day, so i could relax a bit more. had a shock during lunch. or rather a pain-in-the-ass reminder.. a conversation with a random uncle that went something like this:
uncle: do you know sp?

me: *wary* yeahh. why?

uncle: are you [sp's] girlfriend..uh.. sp's friend?

me: uhhhh...yeahh. why?

uncle: we have met before right? you are his gf...

me: uhhhh... i met you before???

uncle: *getting enthusiastic as he thinks my memory is coming back to me now*
yah ! you know that time... i sent u back to simei...

me: *stares* erm.. ohhhh!! yeah yeah [faking] when was that ah? i can't remember very well leh..

uncle: that time ah.. last year..

me: oh?? last year ahh....*looks questioning*

uncle: yahh a few months ago only lah. sp came back that time..you went to pick him , then we went to coffeeshop, after that sit my car go back ah..

by this time i heard all the information i wanted to hear .. so i dropped the bombshell on the poor uncle.

me: OHH! cannot be lah, i stay in sengkang, not simei. must be his OTHER girlfriend. *laughing sweetly*

uncle: oh. oh. wow.. ha ha.. so many girlfriends huh...

he then quickly turns away...evidently seeing something akin to murder in my eyes. HAHAHHAA.
when he was one metre behind me, i said [loudly] to my friend infront of me... ''bastard!!!'' then i walked off.
cos i wanna pee lah! think what. HAHA.

then later when i came back and was hanging aroudn the canteen, he kept looking at me =_='''
stupid kpo.

so in the end, i got pissed off lah. but last minute still remembered about the skit we had to do, and it was the prodigal son. HAHAH! modern version. damn funny. a was the FILLIPINO MAID. with a bleeding accent. cracked the room up somewhat. =))
all in all it was good for impromptu lah! ANYTHING rocks. cos it starts with A. <3
WHATEVER. i'm being stupid again.

saturday night, didn't wanna sleep, didnt' wanna stay in church, but we were all trapped in by the camp commanders, so super sian lo. just slacked in the AVA room until too cold, then went out to talk wit jas. then by that time about 4 am le. so went to lecture room to sleep, cos it was warmer there. slept in an awkward position till neck had cramp when i woke up at 6 plus, so somehow got myself onto the floor and slept there without any blankets or mattress or anything. but it was carpeted at least lah. slept till 7 or 8 plus, then jireh woke me up. dragged my sorry ass out of the room, and went back to doze on the benches outside the lecture room. finally woke up enuf to wash up and go for group devotion. barely stayed awake [sorry, david!] then we had breakfast, ate ALOTalotalotalot..
[[actually the whole camp i ate alot.... >_<]]

finally, fell asleep again in the AVA room while waiting for closing ceremony to start. when it finally started right, i woke up, glanced at the clock, and was like OMG!!! it's 11:15 ALREADY??? i start work at 1130 ma. good thing everything was packed so just grabbed my bags and rushed to Square 2.
so that was spark camp 08' for me. =P ''missed out'' on the sharing and closing stuff, but i bet i had more fun at work. >_<''' hahahaa.

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aight. now. to EXPLAIN. to those who know what's happening, which are few and far between, thank goodness. it's more or less like this..

when a person likes two people, stuff often gets complicated. especially if the person likes one more than the other.

for me...it kinda hurts when so-and-so liked someone else, but i can't put the blame on anyone but myself, cos i 'started it'. and it hurts even more to think that maybe he was never sincere the whole time when i thought he was and did my best to curb any traitorous emotions towards the other so-and-so...but like i say, i can't blame him too much cos i guess i'm just naive. to me, he's just another of my shattering illusions.
i thought he was a 'good' guy to me, that's why i put in whatever effort i could to make our r/s work.
but whatever the reason, he wasn't infallible. he wasn't sincere with me. i found out i couldn't trust him like i actually did .
i may sound selfish, but im just venting my frustration at myself. how dumb could i be to believe someone actually loved me like he said he did. how naive was i to think i could trust a person 100%. HAHAHAHA.
even though he wasn't the one i loved, he was the one i trusted.
fuck.
what else can i say? lol.
as for the other so-and-so, mayb i think too much, but i'd do almost anything for him. i'm not a person who accepts flaws in people easily, especially people i look up to or like[alot].. but even after seeing his imperfections, i still want him as much as i ever have. however, there's that damper that comes fromt he fact that he doens't give a shit about me =) haha.
ANYTHING.
hahaha...

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that's about it! =))
i may look fine and happy on the outside, but honestly, one nudge in the wrong direction is all it's gonna take to send me flying off the Handle of Rational Behavior. LOL. i guess this is a warning. =)

ciiaos peeps.

hehheehhe.
duckie reads my blog now.
so i shall be kind and provide entertainment for him SO THAT HE WILL GET ME WHAT I ASKED HIM TO.
guaiiiiii duckie. =))

today. woke up at 11am, was supposed to be at work by 1130am. so smart right????
gosh.
i bolted awake, and called lao ban niang. lol. panik panik.rushed out of the house, remmebering to wear every piece of clothes that i needed. HAHA.[[unlike once when i forgot to wear something IMPORTANT to school.]] luckily managed to reach about 12 15pm.... so not too bad. nvr get killed by LBN. HAHA.

anyway.
i finally got my CDs!!!
happy the whole day because of that. and also cos of my sleepy colleague. LOL. cos he sleepy i cannot sleepy right? yeah. but he always cover for me when im sleepy too =))

wooohooo!
ariel seksi !
KNS.
anyway.
crazy weekend coming up...
shall make it through with all the love and kindness that i hope shall be given and received. HAHHAA. *throws up whatever dinner she had*
who shall be my midnight fling?
most likely not the one i want to have it with nahhx.
whatever.
SO.
today. i was looking for a sleeping bag.cos there's no way i wanna lug mine all the way down to school area. TOO FAR. so mus find someone who stay near there right! lol.mission gets under wayyyy=)
asked DKAL... he dun have. =_=''' dunno if it's dun have or dun wanna lend. *sobs hysterically* LIKE REAL i will do that..tsktsk/ you jus dun know me. HAHAHA.
needed to find a solution!
so advertised on MSN for awhile...then realized i shud just make an sms to someone.
simple.
HAHA.
so helpful.
touchhheddd.
blehhx.
so now i've got a sleepin bag *smiles innocently*

[[it's times like these when i ask myself why i'd choose someone who will offer me nothin' over someone who would help me whenever possible.]]

ahh well.
the heart is a strange and unidentifiable object .
HAHAHHAA.

whatever,
i go sleep le.
and enjoy my CDs!!!
yayyyyy =P
and for the record.
ii <3>

step up 2 the streets NICE! my bad, duckie! hehehe... but yahh... next time den go wit u k =))
see da dance and all the attitude...
somehow helps me to release all the angsty frustrations i've been having. LOL.
whatever.
inspired le.
now i shall try the more 'gangster' [?] fashion//
mayb can express myself better.
we'll see what we'll see.
thursday thursday thursday.

[[i want you so bad, but so afraid to go for what i want. why can't i act like a boy. and treat you like a toy. why can't we just do what we want to do, and forget about the consequences for awhile.]]

cos loving you would be the sweetest sin.
''your fingertips upon my fingertips. your skin against my skin. ''

hey. that could be the basis for a short story.
think about it.
post it next time? when i have the time, energy, and INSPIRATION.
whateverrrrr.

the perfect dream.

Could it be that if I ask the stars
And if I start to feel the language of loneliness
Am I aware?
me who walk in the emptiness
Silenced, stunned, stuttering, all in doubt
Me and everyone who is hurt because of us
I'll be disappearing in the darkness of the night
Detached, I'm floating
Let me ask the stars
About our meaning
In the perfect dream

Mungkinkah bila kubertanya pada bintang-bintang
Dan bila kumulai merasa bahasa kesunyian
Sadarkah aku yang berjalan dalam kehampaan
Terdiam terpana terbata semua dalam keraguan
Aku dan semua yang terluka karena kita
Aku kan menghilang dalam gelap malam
Lepas ku melayang
Biarlah kubertanya pada bintang-bintang
Tentang arti kita
Dalam mimpi yang sempurna
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tak bisakah mengerti, ku selalu ingin enkau begitu.

aight aight aight.
enough.
i need to learn a new language, but i highly doubt this is the way.
can't help it.
ARIEL is hot hot hot!!
=)
hmmm.
*thinks*

oh yeah.
today mus thank lao ban and lao ban niang... =))
counselling sessione.
this is like the worst breakup so far lah..
BUT.
Thanks to God for distractions *grins*
have alot of things going on.
SPARK camp and all.
i'll try to be a happy girl...
try to keep the people around me happy too =))
TRY.
it will just take [] this much to break my composure.
cos now i'm like running on caffeine alone. haha.
so much so that my hands are shaking....
HAHA.
siao.
keep saying ''haha''.
nvm. i have tmr and thursday to look forward to.
i think.
hahahhahaha.
thursday sleepover in school.
^^
tuesday watch step up 2.
=)
heard it's really nice.
hais.
nothing to say le.
extremely shaky due to kopi O....HAHAHA.retarded. a bit of coffee also shake until like that.
i dun think i know what im writing anymore so i better stop here ne.
=P
bleh bleh bleh.

[[i just wanna be in your arms, give you some assurance that there's someone who loves you. ]]

Terusk melangkah melupakan mu
lelah hati perhatikan sikapmu
jalan pikiran mu buat ku ragu
tak mungkin ini tetap bertahan

Continue walking forgetting you
my heart is tired from observing your attitude
your way of thinking makes me doubtful
it is impossible for this to be sustained

Perlahan mimpi terasa mengganggu
kucoba tuk terus menjauh
perlahan hati ku terbelenggu
ku coba tuk lanjutkan hidup

Slowly it felt like dream is aggitating
I try to keep moving away
slowly my heart is shackled
I try to continue my life

Engkau bukan lah segalaku
bukan tempat tuk menghentikan langkahku
usai sudah semua berlalu
biarkan hujan menghapus jejakmu

You are not my everything
not the place where I stop my steps
this is the end, let everything pass
let the rain wash away your foot steps
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

extremely tired. because the whole day i wanted to sulk, but cannot really, because there were people around me. then you know, feel kinda bad to be wet blanket. not that i wasnt' already kinda a DAMP blanket. anyway.

it's a good thing the people-thomsonites- that i was hanging with were funny people who keep doing funny stuff that gets funny reactions from me.HAHA.

we were playing this game[in balestier] where the group has to name a song that has a word the host says in it. like if the host says ''time'', you could say ''In His Time''.

so when the thomson co-host was doing it, the rule was that you could explain away any answer you gave....

thus, in response to the word knowing, mr Tam-i-don't-know-how-to-spell-the-rest-of-his-name said ''i knowing a place.'' and his reason for that ....''i'm indonesian!! in bahasa it's correct!!'' the whole room was like erupting in laughter//ROFLOL.

oh so very tired.
and numb.
pictures hurt.
everything sucks.
i just want to be held by him, be safe in his arms, and let everything be back to normal.
but that's impossible.
because
i've also had enough of this emotional rollercoaster.
stay far far FAR away from me.
it's better this way =))

anyway.
movie on tues!!
yayy..
step up two. =))
got kaki to go with le .. hehe

i must act happy even when im shattering inside.
cos my friend said, when ur sad, it will affect the ppl around you.
hais.
fine.
so i shall give my fake-ass laughter .
anyway.
at least ARIEL can make me smile just listening to his songs. =))

alright.
so was working today.
and suddenly everything started going downhill.
was really down.
went to TPY rooftop garden, said my goodbyes, and did what was needed to be done.
it hurts. still. but i've cried all i needed to cry already.which is...alot. hahahhaa.
i still don't understand alot of things.but i'll recover quicker this time, cos i have practise already =P and besides.
i won't let this affect my selfworth.
it's his choice not mine.
8 months and 29 days.
this time, it's really the end.
nevermind!
i will survive~

thank God for my friends.
who are remarkably supportive =))
specially my gor.jasper.mr.fisher.and ting.AND my boss , who listened to a whole load of crap at work today >.<'''
awww.
love you guys!
and.
get this.
when i needed help most.
HE gave my self esteem a big boost =))
just by simply talking to me.
and being ALIVE.
awww.what utter rubbish.
my day is rapidly transforming from the worst to the best.
and now it's time to end it.

sigh.
but tmr i'm gonna wake up
emotionally and physically sore.
just hope
that when reality comes crashing down,
there'll be no more tears!

loves~~!

PS: even if u mean well please PLEASE please don't flatter me cos it's insincere and i start wondering how much i can actually trust you =))

you are one hell of a fucking bitch that was conceived of a bastard and born of a whore. As cheap as they come, and as loose as they can get, you're a low-down specimen of homo sapien that disgraces the female sex.

btw, cheap comes from the low price of lousy hookers, and loose describes the state of the watchamaycallit of sluts who F*** too much.

it's been about one year?
but girl, i wont forget you.
ha ha.
29 February, 2006.
you had the guts to tell me to you took the pin.
if i didn't refuse to be as fucking 'jian' as you, i'd be waiting for my chance to SCREW YOU OVER with a flippin' chain saw.

'cuz ya so loooose , it won't hurt a damn bit.

today.
monday.
my first day in one week of hols! hehehe.
it started badly, as do all my days for the past one week.
went to meet Ting, to pass her some stuffs. was extremely late, good thing she dint have to wait for me though! then took a straight bus down to novena, and bought DONUTS =D 6. for my boss, colleague, n myself ... soooo sweet. can feel the sugar rush >_<
slacked for half an hour there, waitin for Tatcha. so weird not workin....
might even miss it! lol...

JOKE.

then anyway...met tatcha at 2 plus almost 3.
my gosh! missed her So much cos we haven't met for like agesssss.!!!
hee=)
MUAACKKKSSS.
so anyway.
was like, shopping at 77th street....then bought a nice black hoodie dress =))
sexaye..
AND.
then we went to SANUR to eat.
order sayur lodeh, sayur telur, bila something-or-other, and gadogado =P
niceeeee.
but wayyy too much for two girls to eat.
HAHA.
so anyway.
we ate, and ate, and ate.
till my food numbed brain, started telling me how great the curry was. haha. will go more into detail on that later.
After lunch/dinner, we went to shop some more!!
but didn't buy much this time..i didn't anyway. AHHA.
wanna savesave $$, get tuition =))
went to tampines, then took bus back from there,
and so ended our first 'date' after so manyy weeks!!!!
love ya girl!!! =))

strong
controlled
bold, and yet tender,
it doesn't overpower you and yet sweeps you away to another world.
it has an edge to it, but yet you're not afraid of getting hurt by it.
when it's over, you always crave for more
no matter what bad effects it may have on you later
you still want it.
and will continue to want it.
it's warm, never hot.
it's flavour unique, it's scent heady.
i've fallen in love with it.
...............
the curry, dumbass.
HAHA.

thinking of ways to freak tatcha out so she won't eat curries ever ever agaiiiinnnn.] HEE!!!
jokejoke. then no one to accompany me eat my precious curry. =P
nites people!

[[another day, never dies, that i don't think of you, hoping earnestly, only that you will remember, not another person has loved you so, you are precious to me.]]

i think i'll b learning a third language soon.
=))

[[can't understand why i'd not hate you after the way you left, but i guess my heart is one very stupid ass!]]

cheerios ppl.
even tho im anything BUT cheerful

haha.
arielarielarielariel.
don't know why, just think he's soooo hawt.
[[PS: HES A SINGER SO DONT THINK SO MUCH.]]
so anyway.
i was watching his MV...
andandand it was this live performance..
the way he sang
was like
kissing the damn mike.
HAHAHHA.
ohhhhh.
myyyy.
goshhh.
bloody fool.

Disclaimer: the story below is purely fictional, any resemblance to real life persons or situations is not intended.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She remembers her hand on his warm chest with its cold heart inside.She remembers being help by him so tenderly, even as he denied any affection for her.Yes, she knows he held her in regard, yet she stayed on. She remembers looking into his inscrutable eyes with their heavy lids. She remembers tripping over words, thoughts, expressions, stuck in her mind yet she had been unable to will them out. Till this day she wonders if she had said all she wanted to say, done all she longed to do, would today be any different between them.She remembers his voice, gruffly asking her if she was crying. Then she remembers his quickened breathing as they kissed. With increasing rhythm did his heart beat, and hers, as their lips fused tighter together.but for altogether different reasons. She remembers how he apologized, as if preparing her for what he knew he would do. She felt his passion, but knew better than to revel in it, for it was but a physical passion and not the emotional counterpart that she craved from him. His arms holding her close, the feel of his hair in her fingers, the soft warm glow of the room, but most of all the cold knowledge gripping her heart, these were indelibly etched in her memory, serving as a haunting reminder of Him, Them, and what was Then.