I try to find clarity in this constantly changing world.
Music Playlist at MixPod.com
» B*tch
» Breadpuddin'
» Roomie4eva
» Limegreenbaby
» DaJie
♥ January 2006
♥ February 2006
♥ March 2006
♥ April 2006
♥ May 2006
♥ June 2006
♥ July 2006
♥ August 2006
♥ September 2006
♥ October 2006
♥ November 2006
♥ December 2006
♥ January 2007
♥ February 2007
♥ March 2007
♥ April 2007
♥ May 2007
♥ June 2007
♥ July 2007
♥ August 2007
♥ September 2007
♥ October 2007
♥ November 2007
♥ December 2007
♥ January 2008
♥ February 2008
♥ March 2008
♥ April 2008
♥ May 2008
♥ June 2008
♥ July 2008
♥ August 2008
♥ September 2008
♥ October 2008
♥ November 2008
♥ December 2008
♥ January 2009
♥ February 2009
♥ March 2009
♥ April 2009
♥ May 2009
♥ June 2009
♥ July 2009
♥ August 2009
♥ September 2009
♥ October 2009
♥ November 2009
♥ December 2009
♥ January 2010
♥ February 2010
♥ March 2010
♥ April 2010
♥ May 2010
♥ July 2010
♥ August 2010
♥ September 2010
♥ October 2010
♥ November 2010
♥ December 2010
♥ January 2011
♥ February 2011
♥ March 2011
♥ April 2011
♥ May 2011
♥ June 2011
♥ July 2011
♥ August 2011
♥ September 2011
♥ October 2011
♥ November 2011
♥ January 2012
♥ February 2012
♥ March 2012
♥ April 2012
♥ May 2012
♥ June 2012
♥ August 2012
♥ September 2012
♥ March 2013
♥ June 2013
♥ July 2013
Layout: vehemency
Icon: reruntherace
picking up the pieces
forced to cos i can't throw them away
i think you understand
but can you have the patience for me?
trippin every now and then
pulled down when you're not with me
can't i heal myself?
i've never been so weak before
hating every reminder
don't wanna know what i know
keep running from my reality
gotta stand and face the truth
[yeah baby, i've gotta stand and face the truth.
NOW.
sick of this..
sick of myself.]
drowning in uncertainty
i am so weak tonight.
friends, hold me tight.
calm this aching in my soul.
remove the demons of self-pity from my mind.
bring back the joy of living to me.
[[she's so beautiful.
she's so like you.
she's giving you everything.
she's capable of being good to you.
and the question that haunts me.
what can i give you?
nothing.
maybe you just made a big mistake, darling.
maybe all you needed was time.]]
breathe deep, dawn.
breathe really deep.
let the adrenalin out.
cos if you don't,
you know someone's gonna get hurt.
and like it or not.
that someone most probably is going to be you .
write.write. ease the tension by writing.
and yet.
i can't write.
or can i?
the next post will tell....
2005
2006
2007
2008
i think i've become weak.
a small thing, and i was pretty shaken up.
i mean, hey. i'm cool, aight?
it wasn't fear...i believe i've got backup..
it's just...anger.a bad case of delayed ''green-eye''.and..pure feminine bitch instincts. not to mention angst.and insecurity.
oh boy.. i must have been crazy to undertake this..
but i know why i did it.
cos i love you too much to let go forever.
so.
i've got to be strong.
no matter what.
it's the biggest ''fuck you'' i can give.
=)
but trust me.
it is SO fuckin hard.
hahaha//
[[and once again, peal'd out that mirthless laughter, that once she believ'd to have been vanquished.]]
What Your Feet Say About You: |
 You are pretty average in your expressiveness. You can express yourself well, but you don't always want to. You are a very passionate person. You are highly charged and easily inspired. You are an assertive person at times. You'll pull out all the stops to get what you want, if it's worth it. You take a while to fall in love, but once you do, you stay pretty attached to your partner. You are not afraid of anything. You are brave and courageous, even when most people would be terrified. You are very practical and down to earth. You're more concerned with action than thoughts. You are very spoiled. You don't work unless you have to, and you love to be waited on. You are easily influenced by other people. You're quite impressionable, so you should only be around people who are a good influence. |
You Are a Boy Shorts Bikini! |
 You're a sexy girl, but you don't have to let everything hang out to prove it. |
today = bored
especially since gotta control what i eat.
actually, it's not that hard...
just. boring.
haha.
argh.
i don't want to be weak.
but sometimes when i have to go the whole day without the reassurance of his presence..
the pain just builds up.
sigh..
it's a fucking small thing..literally.
most likely he won't understand why i feel so *ouch*?
i don't know.
but...honestly, yesterday stressed me out..
that's y i had that nightmare...
the way i felt in the nightmare is the way i felt during the day..
just completely afraid, afraid of losing him.afraid of not being perfect.afraid of whatever memories he might have.afraid of myself.but at the same time... the overriding emotion is stress. fuck. it's complicated...
[[i don't understand and i don't expect you to understand...
but..
just want to ask you to be patient with me..
and don't get angry with my weakness.]]
lalalalala~~~
[[so it was, 'twas as she knew't, but alas, much harder that blow, more painful this fall, than 'ere there was before't.]]
still waiting for more pics from tatchaaa =) ESP. our threesome pikky. 
me; after the totally crazy day that started at ten am and ended at 10pm.grahh... tired.
morning was...not-so-rushed. went down by car to thomson..
got shocked by the amount of SY ppl i saw ... hehe... like, OMG..
saw my EVIL didi/gorgor..and by the way, i'm sry i couldn't stay for combined la...u know how hard saturdays are for me =)
then drove to balestier.
saw peeps in balestier that i haven't seen in AGES. =)
no offense, but the whole service i felt like singing...''wo yuan bian cheng, Bangali, qi zhe jiao che mai yue bing....''
totally felt like i was in Leettle Indiiia or something. i mean, give me a friiging break..i haf to serve these ppl every day at the shop cos apparently the STYLE appeals to them.
not that i'm racist or anything.
but i just seriously have a hard time understanding their accent. =_+'''
so tingster chacha and yours truly slept thru the sermon.. like bowing to the gods or something.. ting looked like she was praying, cha cha look emo, and i...HAHA...i was banging my head left right and center. =P
finally i whacked my head on ting's shoulder..so she pushed it down n kept it there. ahahha.
escaped the combined lunch, and ran off to United Foodcourt.
missed missy Tan but oh well. haha.
had yongtaufu^^then me wan go eat udders..so the gals acc. me =) hearts you all lah.
[[funny incident of the day: ''when you'reeee goneee... OI, CAR!!'' ROFLOL]]
lovelovelove alcoholic icecream. so niceeee =)
today managed to cut downnn on what i eat... breakfast wasn't counted, cos it was homecooked, by my mom, so it's counted as ''safe food''... HAHA. the ''unsafe'' foods for today was basically onli the icecream, and some fried dishes we had at RU LAI for dinner. yayy.
WHATEVS.
after lunch, tingster was sleepy, so she went home to sleep. me sleepy, so i went '''home'' to sleep. HAHAHA.
[[i wish you were my blanket..cos then i'd sleep so well with you wrapped around me every night =) ]]
sigh..
i don't know.. sometimes i feel i'm losing the battle, sometimes i feel i can win it. it's hard ahhhh~
it's like im fighting inside myself everytime....fighting reality? i don't know either. hahaa.
oh well.
just believe. =)
night, had dinner. super bored, super out of place. thank God at least the food was pretty good. i felt like a fish out of water... hahaha.
[without you i can't breathe cos there's ''no aiirrrr, no aiirrr'' ]
that's a song..yeah. by chris brown and...jordin sparks...i think. haha.
IMISSYOU;EVEN THE SHORT TIME WE'RE APART;IMISSYOU.
[hope you don't get tired of hearing me say it...because i don't plan to stop saying it =) ]
ahhh. tomorrow have to go to balestier.
and morning wanna rush down to pay HQ at thomson first.
then aft. balestier supposed to go for lunch?
then meet my darling?
& night time have a dinner with my mum's peepos. GRAHHH. sian. not the kind of company i'm looking forward to.
nevermind...it's good to improve my social skills by forced socializing with peepos i'm not interested in socializing with. =_=''' WHATEVS.
ahhh.
it's a crazy life i lead.
hahaha.
but i love that life.
cos it's MINE.
aww...thinking back, i miss my group! hehe. ANYTHING RoCkEd=)
this is my mum's crazy friend. dunno where i dug this picture out from. HEHHEE. ^^
LONG AGO. SO LONG AGO. omg. [at my church, where my membership is supposedly at.LOL.]
baptism at Thomson..and i was 'washed' with LI JIA CHENG. omg.
oh.. and this was in New Zealand.. starting out on this horse ride..along a one hour trail.. and that stupid white unicorn, almost walked into a tree, so i ended up hanging off the tree, while he walked off and ate grass. =_='''i honestly prefer australian horses. no doubts about it.haha.
AIGHT. so today was fun fun fun fun fun.
met my crazy blonde bitch for BAN MIAN.
and....
get this.
i ate, two bowls. HAHA. meehoonkway and money vege.
ahhh. thinking about it now..i'm getting hungry again. siao. eating so much. don't know WHY...
*frustrated*
today Dawn ate: 2 curry puffs, 2 bowls of banmian, one ice jelly cocktail, assorted snacks at KTV, and half a packet of rice.chicken rice. vegetarian chicken rice. haha.
and now i'm hungry again.ahhhh...nvm. my only comfort is that my girl is as much of a pig as i am. HAHAHA.
[[darling you gotta start eating more or i'm going to get FAT. cos i'm eating for you now. HAHA.]]
okok . enough about food. getting hungry. AGAIN. now let's talk about what happened today huh..
after lunch, took a cab to orchard. and guesss what?the KTV branch at international building was closed...so we had to walkwalkwalk to the park hotel one. sigh..
asked about the voucher thingy..and it's like, gosh! they totally rip you off over the drinks and snacks.and they're COMPULSORY. ha. so much for the voucher thingy. the promotion is way cheaper...
so we sang sang sang...
four hours again..
but this time had ET to join us..SP couldn't come cos school ended late or something.
n suddenly it's like, towards the end,i was lying on the couch and siao-ing with my girl, n there was this xinyuetuan song...so ET was like, oh too bad SP not here to sing it..
n the door opens, he walks in.
i'm like, WTF?
hehee...so so so so so happy~indescribable.
but omg. me and yanting almost died while the two gays were shouting their love to each other through the song. died of laughter. HAHA. seriously. i love them all. =)
had a hilarious and DELICIOUS day with that darling blonde biatch, then my darling guy sends me homeee.and just makes my day that was already made, so that means my day was made twice so i'm super super happy and i knwo i'm not making any sense but IT'S OKAY. ahhhh~~
felt so ridiculously-childishly-amazingly-frightfully-contentedly-happy~~
[[i wish this happiness, it'll last forever.
but that's not reality..
we're gonna have problems...we'll try our best but we're still gonna screw up. sometimes it will be you & sometimes it will be me. but we'll fight.
but the important thing i've learned, '' is that whatever problem we have, we can solve, because nothing will ever be as bad for me as being away from you.''
i hope you feel the same way too ^^]]
anyway.just found this song really funny at K today.. it's Never Again by Kelly Clarkson.. emo emo song, for emo emo people..wish i'd thought about it about one week ago. would've been perfect for me. hehee....
but yea. some parts. actually one sentence. it haunts me.
ahhh freak the song. =)
i'm your girl&that means i'm a happy girl.
fuck care The Rest.
tears are a weakness
and that means the 'ghosts' have won the battle.
but smiles mean i've won the war.
i'm on a pain-killer drug,
and that's YOU. =)
[[oh yeahhhh... ban mian with my darling mama tmr. !!!!!! yesss!!!!! hehehehe...]]
watch out for :the TWO BLONDE BITCHES & THE-WEIRD-FLAT-AND-EXTREMELY-NICE-NOODLE.
=))
small girl in a big world;
my house! LOL. i wish.
pain.
this is a new kind of pain..
that i've only experienced a little bit of last time.
it's fucking not nice.
a deep kinda pain that takes away all the strength in my body, that makes me just stare with unblinking eyes into space, thinking, hurting.
that kind of pain the makes you feel about ten years older.
the pain that makes you cry on buses. [okay, fine. i'm used to that already.. haha..]
did you feel the same way when you heard i kissed him?
i wonder.
and it's a really weird feeling.
i can't get angry,
can't seem to hate you,
can't seem to regret.
it's just painful.
and that's the strangest thing of all.
i surprise even myself.
what have you done to me???
dawn usually doesn't accept such things...
[[no. seriously. i was asking myself, ''why the heck aren't you freaking out??? why don't you get angry or SOMETHING?? are you dead or what??''
lol.
funny actually, arguing and scolding myself.
LOL.]]
my girl asked me..
how can you forgive??
and i'm thinking...
there's nothing to forgive..
because you didn't do anything wrong per se.
oh yeah.
but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
it's okay.
lol.
cos
you're
mine.
=P
&it's going to stay that way. right?
XOXO~
You Are More Like Angelina Jolie |
 Bad girl with a heart of gold. You are smart, sexy, and strong willed. You aren't against stealing another girl's man... If he's better off with you! |
You Are 40% Cynical |
 Generally you give people the benefit of the doubt. But there are exceptions. You buy into many of the things that mainstream society believes, but you're not anybody's fool. |
i'm not hardcore, see?
You Are A Little Snobby |
 And being a little snobby every once and a while is totally allowed. Because if no one was ever snobby, no one would ever try to dress up or look pretty. And while you do enjoy the finest things in life (that you can afford), you tire of superficiality. You know there's more to life than what's just on the surface. |
only a little??? muahahahhaa...
argh.
the waiting is killing me..
cos i freaking miss talking to you..
nahh..
i just miss..
you.
wei shen me xiang ai de ren bu neng zai yi qi??
i still can't find the answer to that question.
ever since the day we broke up..
the first two weeks i cried on the inside..
and after that, every single day i will cry at least once.
maybe it's weakness, but i couldn't control it..
ever since i realized that the one i really loved was you, i told myself, that i wanted to kill my heart, so that i will not love you, so that i can let you go.
zhe yang xia qu tai tong ku le.
that is why i applied for leave from the 21st onwards,
i needed to take time off to slowly kill myself on the inside.
because it was just too painful to love you if you couldn't be mine!
but my 'mistake' was to talk to you again..
it makes it so much harder when we're friends.
i understand what you said, why lovers cannot be friends.
it's still equally tong ku! maybe hating you is even easier than to be friends.
i may be very proud, but i'm not very dumb.
and for the first time in my life..love really has won over pride...
i don't understand how it can be..but it did...
somewhere along the way love won.
i realized what i need and what my heart truly wants - i need you and i want you.
sometimes people only get second chances, but i'm going to be thick skinned and ask you for another chance,
because i think you're worth it.
i think the love that i believe is still between us is worth it.
wo zhong yu zhao dao le wo xu yao de yong qi, qu rang zi ji ai ni.
because i realized that to lose you is worse than to get hurt while being able to love you. i love you, and i love your imperfections. i just need to have the reassurance that you love me the same way, and i will give you 100% of me.
Finally i can believe in myself, that i can love you fully like when we first began, because it's really better to get hurt than to lose you.
& your 1% that is blank, i want to ask you for it too if i can still have it?
If you can accept me, i need to ask you for this one thing, that you cannot push me away when things go wrong.
If you have problems, allow me to share them with you. If you are unhappy with what i do, please tell me. When you are sad i want to make you happy, if you are happy i want to be happy with you. Will you let me do that?
i hope you understand i mean every word that i'm writing here,
because if you know who i am, it's not easy for me to admit all these things..
i really thought that this time we were over for good, end of story.
There's a line thru your name, i broke 'my heart',
and my close friends all heard me say i will never ever go back with you again.
So i want you to know i'm not having fun or playing a game here, okay?
This is one time that to lose face is better than losing someone i love.
[[i thank yanting who pointed that out to me]]
i'm sorry that it took me so long to realize, i'm sorry that i had to almost lose you completely before coming to my senses, but..i'm here now.
& i'm hoping we can learn from the mistakes we made in the past, understand each other better, and gei ai qing duo yi ge ji hui.
For myself, i feel that thru this round of experiences, i understand you better, & i believe i can be a better girlfriend this time.
If you tell me this is too late, i can understand that..
but i really hope you can give me, give 'us', another chance to do our best to love and appreciate each other.
i want to ask you, that if possible don't contact me at all for now.take the time to think about it.(really think about it.because i don't want you to have any regrets)...for one month?
NO WAY. i'll die by then... [even though i did think of asking you to do that so you won't regret...]
& if you're willing...
accept me on the 21st=)
but if you're not...
qing ni jia zhuang mei du guo zhe xie hua...
shuo bu ding hai neng zuo peng you.
i only want the decision that is 100% certain, because i want to give you my 100% too.
& don't be afraid to say No if that's what you feel is right, wo bu hui zi sha de. =)
[maybe you can study better without me?i don't know..]
So i'll be waiting for your answer..
& if you need more time, then take more time.
but at least think about your decision till Monday.
Don't rush.
ilu.
dawn`
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjvLnx3OQNk&feature=related
i absolutely hate her nails, and her dressing in this video, but she's so pretty and i can totally relate to her songs...her voice..so sweeet =))))))) i wanna sing like that. if i could i'd sing for someone.
[[hao xiang ni, bu ting chi..]] @.@
hmm..
my da ge just said something..
''i think u guys are really fortunate to have a teacher like that''
cos he asked me to stay back for lunch and i said i'd rather accompany MS TAN for lunch..
and i agree with him one hundred percent =))
other than that random thing...
today ...
church..
slept like a pig at the sermon again. ooopsie.
my mouth open! and yanting n missy tan were laughing...
but whatevs la...
people who can't preach...just have to deal with me sleeping, aight? lol..
then we went for lunch...
and after lunch dropped by ToysRUs..
and this *#^&$%$%^$&^$* filipina maid, kept tripping the back of our shoes with the pram that she was pushing... first she bang into me, then i said OUCH, so she said SORRY.
later a few metres down, ms tan got fed up, complained to me n yanting that the maid keep ramming into her never apologise... and the maid was in front of us at that time...so i said pretty loudly, ''yah la... some people no manners de ma..''
then, can you believe the fricking woman had the guts to turn around and tell me, '' but i said sorry, right??''
then i was like, ''NO. not to my teacher..''
but she quickly walked off...
tiing was like,,''wahhh! fierce sia[that woman]''
seriously lah, if she wasn't a maid, and if this had happened last week...
wahh. she sure die.
oh yeah..last week..was really, erm.... bad.
as in, last saturday...
gosh..i was such a bitch lah..[[thank god i didn't know that there WAS another bitch somewhere nearby..if i did. hmmm. welll.... hmmm. nvm, KK hospital near by. AND IF ANYONE HAS A PROBLEM WITH ME CALLING OTHER PEOPLE BITCHES OR STUFF, THEN LEAVE RIGHT NOW.]]
cos my mood was really bad, then since morning i already wanted to bite people's head off...
because after the service, i was already kinda bad mood, then was playing with shanice and jeereh, then my skirt was low and my tank top was short, so when i stretched, exposed a bit of the skin at my hip area...
then suddenly i hear someone saying ''xiao jie xiao jie''...
so i move aside to let them pass ma..
then she started poking my hip/upper ass with one finer and muttering something in chinese about my skirt twisting and can see the skin or dunno what shit..
at first i was shocked, then i said, ''hey, do you realize you're actually poking my backside??''
but she poke a few more times, & i turned around to face her, super angry, [cos i hate people touching me in this kind of way] and was like, ''DO YOU REALIZE YOU"RE TOUCHING MY ASS?? I CAN'T BELIEVE I"M GETTING MOLESTED IN THE CHURCH!!''
kay lah, it wasn't molesting, but it's damn irritating when someone you're not close to comes up to you, and not only makes a fuss about you being ''immodest'' but freaking pokes you...REPEATEDLY. gosh. stupid wu xiao jie. didn't like her ever since i was forced to eat lunch with her when i was about ten years old.don't like her even more now. LOL.
my friends were spared though, from my bad mood..i tried to anyway, but i think AK and AL got cold treatment from me .. [my bad!!] and my dad got attitude from me also. [i know im naughty lah, okay??]
oh and * was just []this close to dying, but he damn smart, avoid my question. hmmphhss. as if i cannot find out on my own like that. =_='''
and wanted to slap * for keeping tiing in the rain!! S.O.B.... LOL.....
so this week was really good compared to last week, and that idiot of a maid was lucky...
lalalas~~
i have to get over this habit of chewing people up verbally..
not good for my rep.
HAHHAHA.
as if i give a damn..
[[love me with my imperfections, can you??]]
i'm fricking tired..
but still have to go dinner with my parents.
you, carry me through it, okay?
even tho you're e problem in the first place but...whatevs!
i think the train streak looks cool ^^
plastic surgery!! LOL...
Haggard Hag. =P
uh-huh..handle with care please!
picture me broken...i can't decide which is better.
the crying-everyday-and-everywhere-with-everyone me, or the so-darn-numb-confused-and-exhausted me.
it must be getting pretty bad, cos even mr Jacob [aka Blackiie] saw me today, and asked my dad if i was sick or smthing... from a distance of three metres plusplus leh! mygosh...
i need to get my life together... =_='''before i turn into..CORPSE BRIDE!!! lol.... =)
[[i'm tired.
somebody just take me home.
home in the skies..
this is the first time, i've felt this kinda tired.]]
starting from monday hope to take time off to rest.
MEDITATION.
lol...
but i feel i don't really need it..
there's two paths to take, safe one and dangerous one.
i think it's obvious what to choose...
just can't take it anymore la huh.
but there's definately gonna be people after my blood for this.
heck, maybe i'll wanna kill myself...
the saga of Dawn's Stupid Emotions...to be continued.....after the commercial^^
1. Full name: Dawn Chee Jing Fen
2. Name backwards: Nef Ginj Eehc Nwad
3. Meaning of the name: alot of meanings.. http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning
4. Nickname: Aurora, dawnny, xiiaodiingdang, ETC.
5. Screen name: [[d'awnny]]
6. D.O.B: 160991
7. Place of birth: SG
8. Nationality: s'porean
9. Current location: my house, my room, my 'communication centre'...
10. Star sign: VIRGO =))
11. Religion: SDA
12. Height: beginning or end of day??
13. Weight: btwn 45-48kg?
14. Shoe size: 5-6?
15. Hair colour: brownn..
16. Eye colour: brown...
17. Who do you think u look like: shrek's wife.
18. Innie or outtie: errrr.... innie!
19. Lefty of righty: bitchy, can?... =_='''
20. Gay,straight,bi or others: others. LOL.
21. Best friends: Someone, tiing, chacha, sha, didi cum gorgor, etc..
22. Best friends u trust most: if they're my best friend i have to trust them... =)
23. Favourite pals: isn't this like best friend?
24. Best friend of opposite sex: secret =)
25. Best buddies: .....all my 'buddies' i guess? if it isn't the same meaning as pals..
26. Boyfriend of galfriend: girlfriend!
27. Crush: i like oreo chocolate crush!!
28. Parents: mr &mrs Kenneth Chee ..
29. Worst enemy: myself
30. Favourite online guy: =)
31. Favourite online gal: Tatchaa !
32. Craziest fren: if it's friend... hong qi~ he's the craziest person i know...
33. Advice fren: make that friends, cos all my besties advice me =)
34. Loudest friend: errr... people in thomson! lol...
35. Person u cry with: my giirl..
36. Any sisters: sher, sha, lien, aaannnd others. haha.
37. Any brothers: ALOT... one didi cum gorgor, two xiao dis.. and others..i may have forgotten =P
38. Any pets: two hamsters, one dog...plus human pets.. LOL.
39. Any disease: AIDS!!!!
40. Pager: i'm not a doctorr..
41. Personal phone line: my handphone line !
42. Phone: samsung..wanna change ay-sap!
43. Lava lamp: .......
44. Pool or hot tub: hot tub =) more private!
45. A car: BMW. [bus walk MRT]
46. Your personality: complex.
47. Driving: i'm a slave driver.
48. Room: err... it's okay, but i'd like to get the door fixed!
49. What's missing: me!
50. School: miss it!
51. Bed: three soft toys...bolster, pillows, comforter....and remote controls!
52. Relationship wif parents: aight..i guess?
53. Believe in urself: yeah, i believe that i exsist...
54. Believe in love at first sight: crush at first sight, lust at first sight, love is way too complex to be had so fast.
55. Good listener: no idea... ask my friends??
56. Get along well wif parents: usuallyyyy..... =P
57. Save email conversations: email? msn, yeahh..
58. Pray: yeahh..
59. Believe in reincarnation: nope...
60. Make fun of ppl: all the time =P but i know there r ppl makin fun of me too and i dun mind.. =)
61. Like to talk on the phone: depends on my mood... =)
62. Want to get married: yeahh
63. Like to drive: i like to drive people crazy.
64. Motion sickness: yeahh...getting worse and worse
65. Eat stem of broccoli: love steamed broccolii!
66. Eat chicken wif fork: i dont' eat chicken..period.
67. Dream in colour: ermm...usually, unless i'm dreaming about night time...
68. Type wif ur fingers on home role: what's home role??
69. Sleep wif stuff animals: ermm.. three, but they're not animals..
70. Next to you: air
71. On the walls of your room: notes posters postcards PAINT.
72. On your mousepad: the mouse??
73. Dream car: batman's car.
74. Dream date: any date with someone i'm in love with
75. Dream honeymoon spot: never really thought about it..maybe hawaii?
76. Dream husband n wife: husband? no idea... wife? errr... no thanks?
77. Bedtime: anytime after twelve am and before 5 am.
78. Under ur bed: ''they're under your bed!! muttons to midnight!'' [anyone listen to 98.7fm???]79. Single most important question: am i alive?
80. Bad time of the day: for now, it's from 6 pm onwards.
81. Your worst fear: losing loved ones.
82. The weather is: fine.
83. Time: ten thirty pm.
84. Date: 18 April 2008
85. Best trick did on someone: can't bother to remember..i'm not that playful [yeah, righttt.]
86. Theme song: it changes every once in awhile...currently? it's An Jing by JC.
87. Hardest thing abt growing up: learning what love really is... still learning.
88. Funniest experience: lots! with the Siaozhabos =))
89. Scariest experience: having now..
90. Silliest thing u have ever said: ''am i gonna get AIDS from kissing you??''
91. Most desperate and funniest thing u have ever done to an opposite sex: LOL. not telling.
92. Scariest thing when you are with your friends: go toilet in the dark?
93. Worst feeling: past five weeks plusplus?
94. Best feeling in the world: sleeping?
my life is good..
cos even though you're not mine
i'm still talking to you.
screw you.
HAHAHA.
was watching that vid of jaychou...anjing.
then realized hor..
if i wear that black arm thingy...
it really a bit like his bandage...
and horr...
did he get his bandage cos he cut himself??
LOL....
i wonder.
emo kia.
HAHA.
wahh.
tired tired tired tired tired.
but at least had food, cos my mama cooked for me this morning =)))) lovesss~
and had to stay later a bit cos LBN needed to do somethings...
left about 8 plus plus..
&every nite after work it's the same thing..
get on the frickin bus.
think, then cry, then get exhausted, then sleep.
bang head on glass, wake up, sleep, repeat.
aaaannnddd today to add insult to injury...
i missed my stop. =_='''
dragged my exhausted ass home...
and the sad thing is i even have to fake it for my DOG.
cos he's so hyper when i'm so tired, i just have to make him happy and act cheerful..
LOL.
otherwise he'll b so sad...
=P
but i'm fricking tired.
nvm..
3 days of so-called living left nia.
after that ....
peace =)
T~T
and now. to bed. i dun wanna sleep.
these two nights... keep having weird dreams..
sure kena scolding by my girlfriend again. lol.
but the problem is...
they're only dreams...
ehhh lehs, don't think so much...
my shoulder painful nia. HAHA.
dunno how i slept last night...like PIG liddat.
oh well, my mama Ting is a zhu wad....
^^
love her to bits.
BTW.
the pic nice rite???
i made it at work when i was too darn bored...
LOL
todayyy..
woke up late...
story of my life..
and then didn't really rush ...
and still got to work early. hmmm.
weird.
hahaha!
pretty normal day today...
folded alot of clothes....
and wrote out that stupid SAU essay.
sian lah.
i don't wanna go.
OH
and i bought rice from that Kopitiam in Velocity...there was SO much sand in the vegetables! and to add insult to injury, i found a beetle or baby cockroach in the rice. gahhh. so in the end didn't finish most of the rice...
and didn't wanna eat anymore...until i got home.
funny...don't know how to feel hungry le...unless i'm out with tiingster. if not i only feel the nd to eat if i m dizzy. siao siao!
kkay!! randommmm....
today closed shop wit my girl...
took 88 home....bleah...couldn't sleep on the way home...
reached hm about 10++..ate, then gonna showerrrr now.
life is so mundane when you break it down into the details huh..
hmm...
4 days of life left...then i can take a break...
=)
stoopid picture. posed and photographed by my boss. =_='''
i found this heart at my busstop. reminded me that love can be found in the most unexpected places =))
ANYWAY.
i dont' know if this will ever be read but i dont' care cos i just wanna get it out of my mind....ha..
i don't understand why i could think that i loved him more than you
when
i've bled more for you than i ever did for him.
i've cried more in just one and a half weeks because you than i did for him in 2 years.
i've felt actual physical pain just hearing your pain.
i've never been happy even when i was free to love him after leaving you.
i've broken almost all my personal rules for you while i'm not even driven to do that for him.
i've slept better after talking to you than talking to him.
i've worried and even had nightmares when i knew you had ''xin shi'' but if i think he is emo, i don't even bother to ask what's wrong, cos i don't worry!
i've had a more lasting happiness because of simple words from you rather than the one hour high i got from seeing him walk past my shop last time.
i've cried in K while singing 'your' songs while i barely think when singing 'his' songs.
i've never had a harder time breaking up and staying away from any one before.di yi ci jue de fang bu xia. it was easier to let him go then than it is now for me to let you go.
seriously, i don't know if i should hate you or not.sometimes i wonder if you are really a 'jian ren' or if you are sincere when you tell me u missed me and all that.
just go and learn to love her..
evidently you think you can don't be a 'jerk' and give her a 'future', not hurt her, and be faithful in love to her.
i'm guessing you wont' read it.but so what if i make you angry with this post?
do you have any idea how much it fucking hurt when you always push me away when you have problems? when we first got together you promised me you would share your problems with me. don't you remember? but three months after we were tgh, you were cold to me. said you had problems you had to deal with, without me. fuck. that time, i loved you 100% with my whole heart n soul. shi quan xin quan yi de. and when you did that, it was like...tong dao ji dian lah. after that, i think i didnt' dare to love you fully le. i kept a distance from you, told myself that i couldn't have a future with you..but it was only cos wo mei you yong qi qu ai.
so that's why it was easy for me to fall for him again..
it was safe for me to like him, cos deep inside i knew with him it's only like a fairytale, it's not real, i cannot go together with him, cos it will never last. but i let myself believe i loved him...cos it was safe. no need to cry, no need to nan guo, just be happy when he's around, and normal when he's not around. that's all...don't have to think so much.
with you it was dangerous.. i needed you until i think i was scared of myself. when you're around i'm happy, when you're not around i'm also happy, because i knew i had you, but when you treated me cold or things didn't go smooth between us, it was like i couldn't control my emotions... it affected my life in every way.hen tong ku, but still xin fu. it was confusing, so i got confused. i ddin't understand what i understand now. that's why i say, i wasn't brave enough to love.
actually. this last round.
you said you saw him in my eyes.
it's true, i did think about him...because my heart is confused. but what you don't know is that after two weeks i was forgetting about him le. i wanted to be yours and be the best i could be for you, because i think deep in my heart i knew that wo zhen zheng ai de ren shi ni. u can ask ting, i told her what i decided....
but then you had problems and pushed me away again.
it fucking hurt. don't you get it. if i love you i want to share your problems!when i finally decide to try and have the courage to learn and love you 100% like when we first started, you try and kill my heart again. why dont' you just use a knife and cut me.
when i asked you to give me three reasons why i shouldn't break up with you, i only wanted one answer : dont' break up with me because i really love you.
i only needed that knowledge to be able to put up with your cold attitude and all.
but the answer you gave me was: wo xi huan ta.
when i called you to break up, i was at 'our' rooftop garden..
where we started, we ended.
i didn't want to call. i didnt' want to do it.
but at that point, i felt like there's no point in going on.
my feelings were confused, your feelings also were confused.
now you say, you felt we should break up so i'll be better in US and you can concentrate on your O lvls. you forgot that you told me, when you wanted us to fu he. that's the objections i gave, and you gave me the answer. and dont' tell me you've forgotten.
i wonder how long it'll take me to get over you...
don't even know why i'm writing all these crappy stuff for.
no point also.
well, if you never read it, good, at least i'll have my secrets.
if you read it, then.....i guess you can use it to improve your english.
`imissyoutoo.
today when i woke up, and seriously, the first thought that went thru my mind was, ''wei shen me xiang ai de ren bu neng zai yi qi.''
i have no idea why. mayb i wanted to listen to the song??
but it's a pretty emo thought, so i went back to sleep, no strength to get up. next thing i knew, it was like 10am, and i was supposed to be up by 9am.
so i dragged my arse up, and started showering and all...still lagged a bit, cos i didn't know what to wear, so took a longer time than necessary getting ready, and i was like moving extra slowly and blur-ly also. HAHA. finally decided on black sleeveless dress&heels, but i had to cover my arm , so detoured to 77th street to buy armsocks. LOL. they only had skull design... so just buy lo. about eleven bucks. worth it, can use it often.but the total effect on my style for today was Street Fighter meets Lady.which is SO wrong. trust me. ha.finally rushed down to the airport to send Laopa off. so sad lo. my 'adoptive father'... HAHA. Reached terminal one at about 11:20? met yanting dana anthony and Laopa. the whole way i was thinking about something... dun wanna say here.but i'm glad that my girl understands me =)) cos she had the same problem.
however, i think i want to deal with this in a different way from her. i don't want to regret.
RUBBISH.
let's see what else happened todayyy...
oh yeah, after sending him off, about 12 pm? then went to take MRT, whole way i was trying to understand somethings again. later, reached paya labar with hongjie and my darlin... hmmm.. ate ban mian!! oh yeahhh... nice nice =)) must eat more. dont' know why i eat so much but my hand keep getting smaller. LOL.during lunch was talking about random stuffs with my girl... then told her about a dream i had last night. it was so weird but kinda sweet. actualy it's just like one of those freaking chinese soap operas lah. my girl said i think too much that's why dream until like that. but the thing is....i dun even think my brain is working. HAHA. ate the ban mian&dessert, then heard somethingS that make my stomach wanna vomit everything out. ouchouch. but didn't vomit.... because i know it's for my own good yeah?but im sorry that i broke the 'promise' i gave u, girl. haha.sometimes, with emotions, it's hard to control your actions huh. =( you should know.
after lunch the three of us took a cab to Orchard, SING KAY AGAIN^^ oh yeahh baby. in the cab sian the whole way, sorry guys! but they pei me to be sian lah, so it's okay. HAHAA. dropped at borders, walked around looking for the stooopid POSB atm machine, finally gave up and went to the Orchard Station to draw $$.on today alone i spent like, 65 bucks?
finally reached Party World KTV at 3:20pm then sang sang sang till 6++ ..actually can stay longer de, but HJ must go home, andand there was that dinner at night also for me.
so sad.
as per norm, my darlin sing her lover's song. HAHAHA.
and this time our shared song was anjing again.... and a new one, SJMR.
and then she intro-ed a new song to me...na jiu zhe yang ba. stupid lah! started cryin a bit, cos it's SUCH A SAD SONG. LOL. in my head i was like screaming ''noooo nooooo noooooo!!!'' when i heard the song. HAHA. crazy... but it's super old lah...1995?
today i was like in a daze, so i didn't really have any favorite song... =(
&&&my darlin 'dedicated' a song to me. it's really meaningful lah...
basically it's from a girl to a younger girl, and she's telling her that she must learn to be strong, must learn to be brave. learn how to wipe away her own tears, and stand up from where she falls. it talks about how brave the birds are when they learn to fly, and how she must learn to be more like them.
i'll do my best, my dearest mammy. =)) dawnny loves you.
anyway! left that KTV place, and went to send HJ to e mrt. after that i was gonna meet shanice n she was gonna meet et, so went to walkwalk first. oh yeah, and i put on a tube inside the dress, cos very lowcut ma.dun wanna get weird looks from those Thomson ppl. LOL. she met et le, i left them to their pattohing, and gang gang hao shasha arrived, so went with her to tanjong pagar. reach there le, WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT for the rest of the people to assemble...omg. so bored, just sitting down there. cos i didn't feel very sociable yet ma. nvm, was messaging^^
FINALLY went to the restaurant, then they told us the different places to sit, it was all prearranged de. LOL. i was on one side of mingsheng, soph was on his other side. and between us.....MWAHHAHAHA. we tortured him thru the whole dinner. *hi-5 to soph!!*
now i know why the guys like to rape him so much. his reactions so funny lo!
sry huh MS i was just a bit stress/bored/siao so took it out on ya =))
but the problem was, the room was filled with thirty people?and i started getting stressed out plus ate chili for lunch.. so had stomach pain. and they closed the sliding doors , so i started getting a bit...faint? dunno. maybe also something to do with the stuff i was thinking about when i wasn't torturing MS... hao tong ah.. felt like it was hard to breathe sometimes.. but in the end, just tell myself, that i deserve to smile. =))
later they opened the doors so not so bad.
then there was the CAKING of thomas, which led to the CREAMING of hongqi and mingsheng, and then *drumroll* the cake was passed to me.... anddd.....*another drumroll* i shoved a whole chunk of cake down ms' back. HAHA. he was like, stunned. the credits for this great idea goes to soph!! =)) [MS' wife!] whahahaha. i seriously hope he reads this. HAHAHA.
then i was like, ''ohhhh ohhhh you poor thing, back pain right??'' and started smashing/rubbing the cold creamy cake all over his back.... i bet he felt SO GOOD. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA.
hilarious lah.
after dinner..[which was like thirtyfive bucks and i ate so little can! nvm nvm, jiu suan that it was for thomas so it's worth it. HAHAH.]
i was a bit dizzy...but after awhile ok le. [[wahhh what's wrong why is my head so weak huh. eh, Quacker, what did u do to me huh?? or mayb too long exposure to MS. LOLLLLL]]
went back to Tanjong Pagar mrt, on the way...i was msging, then crossed the road without looking for cars. and there was one that was coming lah! HAHHAHA. i'm getting pro-er... luckily my bro was watching out for me.then i kena scolded... T_T but thanks la huh dude=)
second part of my journey home i didn't have to cross any roads, so i made it home in one piece.... i always do. lol.
and now blogging.
finally listening to the song that kept going thru my head the whole day. haha.
wei shen me xiang ai de ren bu neng zai yi qi??
because, life's like that =))