I try to find clarity in this constantly changing world.

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exams are o v e r~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh hellllll yeah.
olehhh oleh olehhhhhhh~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the end of this semester is so different from last semester....
i ended last sem by doin kaka shots and running around campus...
this sem..... i think it's gonna be much quieter.....
=P

peace , bitches.

omg omg my all time favorite song since like 2007!

crazy emo song that i just found. hahaha

this time what I want is you
there is no one else who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away

I've seen it all and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away
I try to make my way to you but still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do

I've seen it all and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

Spring is so beautiful~

Last time seeing my girl =(

Sunbathing on my bed this afternoon...

i love my pinkkkk blankieee =)

ok.
im not a machine with no emotions or feelings.
understand that. WRAP your minds around that concept.
sure i make mistakes sometimes, but that's only because i'm stupid enough to try and make everybody happy.
i'm not going to try anymore.
because it seems i just make things worse =)

gomenasai.

jus a song i recently found...
i liked the dude's version...
but da girl's version is sweet too =)
enjoy.

"there's a pain that stabs you to your gut
that makes it seem like you can't breathe, you can't move
there's a pain that feels like someone's ripping out your soul
it makes tears fall involuntarily, makes you scream out your anguish.
there's a pain that brings waves of sweeping nausea
that makes you feel feverish, first so very cold and then later, burning hot.
yes, there is such a pain. and it comes from knowing you screwed up the best thing that ever happened to you."


another quote from my emo friend. since i can't write much emo stuff myself now tht has any artistic value, i quote hers. hahhaha! i find it interestin.... mayb some of you will find it helpful.

anyway!
i went on a formal date today.....
majorly cool....
=)
thank you !
it made me happy!
i loved the flowers, the food, and most of all the company....
chilled wit my roomie n her bf at Barnes'nNobels after that....
bought a book. to read on the way back.

i can't wait to go home...
yeah i'm gonna miss some people here
but home is always where the heart is.
and my heart pretty much never left it.
even tho it's been rather abandoned right now.
my heart still lives there .... ... ....

even tho i really hate what i see in my future rite now..
i guess i can deal wit it
one day at a time

venting time..im so mad i lost 8 points on a perfectly good research paper!!!!!!



i cud have gotten like, 96.
i lost 4 points cos the computer screwed with some parts of my essay and i didnt' check it cos i was super rushed that day.and then my outline was messed up apparntly cos i saved the wrong copy.and as for editing it was just cos i plain wasnt paying attention;.


ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
so so so so so mad wit myself.....cos there really isn't any excuses.
darn it.
whatevs.
at least my content was good *shrugs*

my working outline for my bloody exam that's tmrw...

Introduction: notecard #1 "you dont' need to be in a classroom to learn something."

thesis statement: a college education may be expensive but it brings many lifetime benefits.
Preview: completing higher levels of education such as college will bring longterm mental, social, and financial benefits.

Mental benefits:
Provides a relaxed and independent study atmosphere.
Chance to explore fields of study that mjight be interesting
General courses teach useful things that can benefit one randomly through life.

Social benefits:
Brain and personality usually more developed when person is old enough to go to college.
Make friends that last for life
Many people find their spouses in college.

Financil
Notecard 4 more education does not always mean higher pay
Notecard 6 but studies have shown that in pairs of twins where one twin has a college education and the other has a lower level of education, the twin with the college education usually has visibly higher job wages.

Conclusion:
Restatement of thesis and a review.
Direct quote as an ending.





okay. that wasn't meant to be helpful to u in anyway. that was just me reviewing what i have to write tmrw. hahah =)

loves people! and it's not to early to start prayin i score on my history exam on monday! =)

My friend wrote this song... for her boyfriend while they were like, separated?... =)
and i think it's expressive n pretty , so it's featured on my bloggie today! haha.
no worries, i already asked her for copyright permissions =P hhahhaha...

ya.
sry for bein so emo.
prolly exam stress.
or some thin.
definately ain't eustress.

anyway! exams comin uip soon. i'm happy about that. at least exams is something i can study for and get it over with. unlike homework that keeps comin no matter how fast u clear it up!
english on sunday. history on monday. then lit and accountin on wednesday. i'm leavin here on friday. going back to see my lovelies ! be back on the 3rd of may.

yt chacha sha jassy and jeereh and quackers and other random people... must needs meet up aysap =)

today is a fuckin bad day.
today is just a reminder of how the future is so damn uncertain.
today is a lesson to me not to stick my neck out there so it can get CHOPPED.

chop chop chop
i see my neck bleeding
i'm not a chicken
why m i on the butcher's block

chop chop chop
i've made mistakes
i'll learn from them
why m i watching the knife fall

chop chop chop
i see chicken carcasses everywhere
i'll join them soon
why do i not feel afraid



haha.
whatever.
so what if i don't know what i'm gonna be doing three months down the road?
i've got 10 more days here and i'm gonna make myself enjoy dem to da maximum.

[th' eclipse o'th fiery orb doth steep my world in blackness darker than th' ghostly hour.]

everytime i want something.
and i pretty much get it.
for awhile.
then it pretty much gets taken away.
and then i get what i want again.
for awhile.
and.
i hate changes.

let me rephrase that.
i hate changes that are so freaking huge that it pretty much takes me one year to get used to it either way and then once i'm used to it, stuff changes up again.


sometimes when you stand on top of a mountain, it feels like you have it all.
until you find yourself falling.


i don't know what i want anymore.
cos everything i want comes with too heavy a price.
i know i always say destiny is for yourself to build, that you can make your own fate.

but right now...
im just too sick of trying to control destiny.
i'm too sick of trying to grow up faster.

if i stay here, it's not a great idea cos of the dropping economy. if i go home, i lose my possiblities of getting a 4 year degree in four years. if i go to thailand i'm going to have to adjust all over again and let's just say i don't wanna do that.

i had it all planned out.
it was supposedly all going to work .
until it all fell apart.
im jus SO SO very frustrated.
and i'm giving up hope.

so it was jay's birthday ^^

the last time i had a night's sleep was wednesday night.

i woke up at thursday morning at 10 am, and have not slept more than 2 hours at a time till now. yesterday i slept thru two classes, in class. it was really bad, like it almost felt like i was passing out.....i kinda actually was, cos i was that sleepy.... and then today i took a 2 hour nap on my desk so i wudn't oversleep before goin to class. and after class i slept in the guys dorm lobby for another two or three hours. oh. and THEN, i had a 5 km run today. more like run-walk. i think i actually got a slight tan! haahahaa yes ah!!! but i still need a full body tan wit yt!!!!!

anyway!

rite about now i shud crawl into bed.

can't let the weekend go to waste!!! gotta recharge ^^

awwww my cute baby boo... hahha

spring blossomssss

in the gazebo...

i get so excited in the day then so tired at nite...

blah blah blah..

i gotta get ready to set in motion my labor of loveyloveyloveeee ^^

handmade creations.
oh yeahhh baby!

im pimpin', yo!

we will eat YOU.

after i have completed my feasting ....on BLOOD.

my supper..... =P

weekend was great bytheway...
hilarious episode sunday night where ash n myself were about to jump out of the car and start dancing, when we realized that there was a couple in the car right next to us! hahaha! so i freaked out n jumped back in the car n started yellin at ashes to drive somewhere else. u know what she did??? she drove three parking spaces down. HAHAHAHAH! oh gosh. that was fun. and we had a great time laughing at the retarded songs... HAHAHH! oh man.... i haven't laughed so HARD since the last time i spoke to my darlin yanting. it was literally laughin to the point of not being able to breathe. amazin huh. however, the dinner sucked balls, so next time we go out, we're goin to olive garden!!!!! hmphs! im sick of being fed frickin american fast food that costs like 20 bucks.
oh.
and i made the perfect cake. did i mention that??

and friday nite ....let's seeee.... didn't do anything... cos i was so sleepy.. but saturday nite lza n i dint slp so that we could be up and runnig at 7 am for my trip to atlanta. HAHAHAHAHHAHA.
it was so scary n fun at the same time. poor people almost broke their backs! =P
so anyway!

i'm just in a really loving mood...
too many things still undecided, but im just gonna focus on what i have right now. and appreciate it. you are all loved. =)

oh. and tornados are in the area. freak.

i just honestly can NOT study here....
i don't like everyday homework assignments that count basically as much as the final exam. much preferable to have as little hw as possible and then study two weeks for the final exam. blah blah blah. this homework system is killing me. i thought i could handle it this semester and i kind of was... then things got too distracting after spring break. i just missed class again this morning.... so stupid..... i've missed so many quizzes in like, literature class. cos i skip accounting, then end up being late for lit. leaves me speechless, i wonder what it does to my teacher. why oh why cudn't i have one of those super cool teachers for my lit class who don't really care how many times u skip class. blaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

anyway i'm goin down to talk to her later to see how to 'improve' my grade.

fuck.

i'm damn fucking exhausted .
and i can't get dilemmas out of my mind.
i'm going back in three weeks, or maybe four if i can get an extension.

but.
i'm just....
so so lost.

i could actually be 'young' again .... i wouldn't have to worry about the future, because there wouldn't BE any future. i could live each day for each day, without worrying about anyone else but myself. i could be a spinster forever and learn from my grand aunt and get a baby without gettin married. i could actually just take a gun and blast my brains out all over this computer screen.


but then here i go again being all dramatic.
must be all this shakespeare.

but in reality.
i am lost.
but at the same time i feel free.
thing is, i don't want to be free.
but sometimes i'm not given a choice.

is that all it will take?
just one obstacle, and you'd let me go, you'd let our friendship go?
just, "oh, we can't be close anymore because of reasons i can't tell you" and then i'm expected to sit there and quietly accept it?
if i had done that, what would you have done?
just let ur best friend walk out of your life forever?
am i even still your best friend?
i don't even know if you'll ever read this.
i don't even know how much you even care.
yeah sure you say you care, who doesn't say they care, but honestly i can't really see it.
i
just
can't
see
it.

it's all up to you i guess.
if you want our friendship to continue, you have to fight for it.
i'm tired.

OOOOOOOOH yeahhhh new blogskin!!!!!

i was wondering how long that pinky skin would last... obviously not long!! =P
anyway....
this skin, suits my mood right now.

cos no matter how much shit life throws at me, no matter how many weird things happen that change my life course, i'm still up and running. Life can NOT keep me down.

cos i have my family and friends right there beside me. =)


LOVES~!

i have a major pet peeve.

i hate english being broken. esp in writing. i mean, all singaporeans pretty much shatter english when we speak, but when writing essays, oh please.

it pretty much disgusts me when people i thought were good at a language mutilate it in essays.

sounds mean, but it's da truth.... =P


oh. and. i found a new way to get out of the dorm ^^

ha. so anyway.
today is a freakishly annoying day.....

i hate crying myself to sleep.
i hate waking up in the morning to people who give me attitude.
i hate sucky phones.
i hate when obviously you're mad and you just don't want to tell me.
i hate when i can't keep everyone happy.
i hate when people yawn loudly into the phone cos my ear will hurt.
i hate when my suitemates don't wrap their fucking tampons properly and it bleeds all over.
i hate today.

i really really hate today.

so anyway.
waiting in tihe library...
waiting
waiting
waiting
waiting

fuck.
hurry up already.

the best way to start my day!!!!!! =)

and the best way to end my day!!! suppliessss from home. LMAO.

yeah, i got d best roommate ever who leaves lil aniporn scenes for me. =P

more aniporn.... damn we're sick... HAHAH

my first unhealthy cake ever!!! =P