Love, Dawn♥

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E-mq_hZHRk

gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian.
idk how jay chou can sing like, such BLURRED words! hahaha..
but it sounds nice lo..
only thing... is,.. his dancing...
he can't dance like how he's trying to. =P so cute..

anyway!
im nervous as shite..
but still pretty happy... i guess? argh.
idk wtf imd. but if i don't, i'll never know, and so i'll never let go.

i'll c u around lovas~

much love,
siaozhabo

last crazy attempt...to prove that i'm insane? nah. hope not. but. still. i'm a very determined person.. yayy.
yeah.

officially nuts.

but what can i say?
i think i've got the best parents ever.. heheheh.

=D

xoxoxo
dawn

me.
haha.

i'm feeling......dead.
and useless....
and unmotivated...
and slightly psychotic...
and irritated...
and melodramatic...
and emo...
and determined.....
and weird...
and exhausted...
and ...
and....
and...!

DAMMIT.

ASSHOLE.
just come back already.

in the day i'm just hollow. at night i'm just plain psychotic. and all i need to know is if u still <3>

YAYYYY... today was fun~ sushi movie and shoppin~~ this is totally what i missed in the States! so yeah, i feel completely home again ^^ luv ma girl... [thanks for being my psych huh!!]
but no chuka salad! stuuuuupide! i love chuka salad! =(
watched nite at da museum... ok ba! would have been nicer if there had been more animation, yknow? yeah......then finally bought hair clippys from heeren! ohh yeahhh and black ear studs too. courtesy of miss lyt. oooo new love! polaroids! hahaa i wanna buy one! but see how first.. i still got many things to do...

i kinda wana go to china in june...
just for the heck of it...
but we'll see what happens first..

prolly gonna be going to SMa.... get a bachelors in accountin. oh yeah. so funnn. =P
so yup, i feel more settled and stuff now.... my next three years are pretty much planned out.

so....
what else...

oh yah, i'm still kinda insane.

xoxo
dawnny

oooo today was nice... went to sing kaykaykay with laksa =)
then i got a call from my crazy matchmaker at like, 11pm... seriously girl... -.- hahahha!

made it home jus in timeeee yayyy!!! and now i'm gonna rest and chill. cos tmrw is like, a longass day....

i wonder if i can dont lost my temper for one month... hmmm....?

like, i heard smthing, and i don't know if there's any truth in what the person said, but apparently, he thinks i'll suck as a mother.

and.. ya... it scares me.. cos i always wanted to be a mom one day...give my mom grandkids.. and now i have major doubts about myself... again.. and... it hurts? just because i suck at relationships doesn't mean i'm gonna suck at being a mom.and u know what else? i think i'll be a pretty fly mom. cos when i have a kid, that kid is gonna come first before everything. before my job, before my dog, before myself. that's how im going to be a mom. and screw you for saying that about me.

if u say i'm a sucky gf, or an unfilial daughter[which i'm definately NOT]... then i might prolly still accept it. cos i AM an extremely sucky gf. but saying that im gonna suck as a mom. i hate that you said that. and one day i'm definately going to prove you wrong. it just makes me wonder... how could one of my closest friends ever say that about me. =.=''' what if it's true??

idk..
i just know that i'm starting to believe that i am really going nutzzzzzzZZZZzZZZZzz... =)

cheerio~

irritating people like mr. B should just get out of my life forever.
such a freakin busybody.
if he asks u any questions about me, just say you don't know.
because somehow, that fag knows alot of info about me.

what does he think he is? the c.i.freaking.a??

blow me.
and on that little rant... i shall try not to get angry for the next one month.
cos i'm officially losing it.
and i'm trying to regain my sanity.

& panic sets in.

because it hit me all over again how i have singlehandedly tremendously impeded my education process.

xian zai, wo zhi xiang hui qu guo qu de shi hou, bu hui rang ni zai lei liu, ji mo shi hou, zhi you ni hui pei zhe wo.
xian zai wo zhi xiang, hui dao zui chu de shi hou, wo zhi dao ni hai ai zhe wo, qin ai de ni, qing ni wo jin wo de shou. qing ni kan kan wo. zhen de xu yao ni de wo.
zhi yao ni hui tou....

i dunno who sang this song.. but it's nice~
and im going to bed.

ok.
there are some days when i feel like i can survive, i feel like i can focus on my career and just wait. like an idiot. but at least i don't feel pain.

there's a rant coming up. leave. if u stay, remember, its ur choice. and u'll be considered my psychiatrist. =.= but trust me, it's better if u leave, cos it's a highly disturbing glimpse into my mind on a very bad day.... you HAVE been warned...

seriously. jus go away. reading further will be a waste of ur time...

go!!!!

ok it's too late...

dear psychiatrist. i'm supposedly paying you a bunch of money to listen to this crapola, so listen tight...

there are days, like today, where i just can't, simply can't, look at the brighter side of life. i can't believe in the lie i tell myself. and it's a really big lie too. i lie to myself and say that one day soon, you'll be back. miraculously. i lie to myself and say that it's not the end. yeah it's a lie. because i told you i'll wait, and i will, but....at the same time i'm lying to myself, because the chances u'll ever come back are like, zero.

but it was the only way i made myself get on the plane and come home. it's the only way i could stop my hands from trembling as i packed. it was the only way i had enough focus and determination to travel back, because i was honestly having a breakdown on my last day there. i rememeber shaking so hard the only way i calmed myself down was by curling up in the shower with hot water pouring down on me. and i cried and cried. the shower drowning out any sound i made. and in that shower i made up this lie for myself, and i repeated it until i believed it, and i held on to it because it kept me moving on.

days like today, i can't dig my mind up from where it's hiding, 10,000 feet below sea level. it's like a constant pain that keeps dragging me down..down..down!! in my mind i've been throwing glass and tables and breaking things all day. but on the outside i'm just me.

it just sucks. okay? i knwo i'm being mad whiny and depressing here but i need to write it out cos i can't possibly expect anyone to listen to this emotional crapola. and anyway, i gave fair warning. it's like, today just took at least one year off my life. and i'm not complaining. if this is life then i can bloody well do without it. i won't cut myself and i won't take painkillers and i won't get drunk. not because i can't but because i think i'm stronger than that. i think i've moved past needing those things. well i never really needed to get wasted, but what the heck, i dun see the appeal anymore. and so it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. sometimes i think i'm going insane. u think so? sometimes i talk to myself so much in my head, it feels like it's going to explode. sometimes i sit on the bus and just cry. or maybe not cry, cos it's soundless. but the tears flow, and i get neck cramps cos i have to turn my head towards the window so no one will see. lols. whatever. but yea. i haven't taken a painfree bus ride. and this sucks. i need to start wearing sunglasses cos my eyes look like freakin goldfish eyes. or mayb i shud just stop going out. this week and next week... i have things on...minimal things, but still things. and mayb after that i can just stay at home. slowly melt into my bed. let the world pass me by, and let myself slowly go insane. and one day mayb when i'm insane enough i'll simply end it. yea i'm prolly already halfway there. but i dont' hate myself. yeah i hate some of the things i did, and i hate that i screwed up really badly this time, but i don't hate the fact that i am me. because if i really did hate myself, there's nothing standing between me and a hole 6 feet under. where da maggots will prolly welcome me with open arms. and i'll go straight to hell cos i committed murder and whatnot. yes yes, dark thoughts. and what's disturbing is how candid i am about such emo shite.

today sucked. it sucked balls. i had more career counselling, and yes it made my mind clearer on the subject of my career and shit. and i think if i have enough determination and brains i can get a good foothold in the accounting world in 3 to 5 years time. and i'll work hard [cos that's the only way to work in accounting] and i'll be successful [cos what else wud i be??] and u know what? it's all gonna be for nothing. because im not going to have a heart. and u know what. it's stupid. because i'm 17, and because of u i've been trying to be an adult. i' tried to take on responsiblities and commitment that people my age don't often think about. and yes, because i'm young and i'm stupid and i have issues [according to my friend i have ALOT of issues -.-] i screw up. alot. but this last time, i dont' even know what i did. or maybe i do. u expected me to change . i thought u knew i'd only change when i came back. so yes, it was miscommunication. and if u had told me point blank when we were discussing things, if u had told me that i had to change back immediately or u wud walk away forever, i wud have packed my bags and come home straight away. but u didn't. so it's not my fault completely. but my point is, if u really loved me i think u wudn't have just left. i may not have changed but that was because i thought u understood we'd start building trust and stuff after i came back, not before. i was coming back for u dammit. but no. u only saw that i never changed. u cudn't just wait two more bloody months. WHY. and i can never get any answers. because u always jus tell me, "oh, ask urself why" and freakin' hell if i knew i wudn't be asking, yes???? but seriously, whatever. let's just focus on the shitty day i'm having. which promises to repeat itself numerous times in the future. yes. so . i feel like nothing's worth doing or living for, and yes parts of my day were bright--- like meeting yt and putting eye drops in sha's eyes and teasing jassy abt couple dressing and telling jeereh abt my dream jus to freak him out... but.... everything else is just so much like a huge sucker punch to the gut. sleep is like the only thing that takes away the pain.. and i have a hard time getting enough of that. so yup. that's all. i can't write anymore cos im exhausted. im just afraid one day i'll do something really stupid. like hop a flight to china or some shit. oh trust me i'm fully capable of doing that -.-''' k i'm gonna stop here before u think i'm completely crazy or smth and send me to IMH...

much love,
dawn

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WUTEVER. im damn sick of being emo and believe me i'm trying to stop. i need work, study, shopping, ANYTHING.

kay. so like i thought it would be hard coming back, but i didn't think it would be this hard. -.-'''

i'm sick of seeing things. i'm sick of getting a sucker punch to the gut everytime some idiot guy uses body shop scents. i'm sick of avoiding libraries. i'm sick of having no where to go because every fucking place has memories that kill my mood. i'm sick of all da bullshit my brain is giving me. i'm sick of not knowing what to do. i'm sick of being pathetically weak and stupid simply because my brain isn't working where it should be. i'm sick of the weather driving me insane. i'm sick of not having anywhere to put my clothes. i'm sick of lying on the couch watching cable tv. yes i am! i'm sick of every single thing in my life right now. honestly, if there was an easy way out, i'd take it. but whatever, i'm strong and life doesn't really suck that bad. it's just my perspective.

anyway.
it's da weekend again.
yay.
church.
banmian.
dinner with momma's peeps in the night. crapazola.

and yea, whats with the aunty dressin for church?? well screw dose assholes , don't blame my mother for like, my WORLDLINESS or shit. if there's anything else u douchebags wanna say, BLOW ME.

hmm... what else is on da agenda for today..... ladidaaa...
oh well. nth else. i was supposed to make this a strong and happy and i'm-gonna-kick-the-world's-collective-ass kinda post. but.... im sry. mian qiang bu lai. hahahahahahaa whatever.

A STORY OF BLONDE BITCHES.
once there were two not-so-fortunate girls, called SLINKY and GRIMY. and there were two blonde bitches who loved to bitch about anything that they didn't like...
oh well, they didn't have school, and they didn't have work, they lived off sushi and karaoke! so they were very very bored and they entertained themselves by gossiping and making fun of the not-so-fortunate people...like, SLINKY and GRIMY.
and unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, these two blonde bitches, were married to two heroes...
and these heroes, they didn't really like the two blonde bitches to bitch.
because they were afraid that it would affect the SELF-ESTEEM of the not-so-fortunate SLINKY and GRIMY.
[[which kind of makes you wonder why they got married in the first place right??]]
okay.
so.
one fine day...
the heroes overheard their two blonde bitches bitching, and they got angry..
they said..
''how can you make fun of them when her self-esteem already so low??she has low self-esteem you know!! wait people go and kill themselves, then the blood will be on your blonde heads ah!!wait you wash and wash, your hair will be permanently red with all their blood ah!! [[advertisement starts here: use L'oreal color-fast shampoo and conditioner and treatment to ensure that your hair stays in perfect colour for a long time, even in the case of blood getting on it!]]
you wanna bitch about people that you know it's okay, but you don't know SLINKY and GRIMY! so don't be unreasonable and scold them!!''
and the heroes had righteous[holy] anger [like Ms. Judy]
ohhh.. the blonde bitches were sooo pissed off!
and they went home and cried and cried and cried until all their mascara rann..and they looked the Ghosts of the Future.
actually only one of them cried, the other one was too shocked to cry..
they just sat there and tried to get their blonde brains around the fact that...
their heroes had just scolded them over those two not-so-fortunate slinky and grimy.
sighh..
it's so sad right??
even the blonde bitches' pet dogs sat in their bed the whole day and barked, cos they were sad too~!
but after awhile,
the blonde bitches got sick of crying,
and staring into space.
because they were not shocked anymore..
they were just...
very very very very very angry!
oh, and of course..
very very very very very hurt.
but anyway... they decided they wanted to get revenge!!
but because they were actually married to the heroes, they couldn't do anything too serious, so..
they bought voodoo dolls!
and the dolls were real!
one blonde bitch cut the hair of the doll until it was very very very short..
and the other blonde bitch, made her doll go to a poly course that he didnt' even want.
so saaad...
the two heroes now were very sad heroes..
and they weren't angry already..
cos they were too busy bitching about their new hair and school.
HAHAHHA.
but the blonde bitches were scarred for life!
[[yeahh..
this fairy tale doesn't have a happy ending..]]
and because the blonde bitches didn't wanna have any scars,
they went to the Ritz-Carlton, booked a luxury room, and after a night of crazy partying...
THEY DRANK POISON AND DIED.
[[Advertisement starts here:Tramadol[panadol] is a very effective drug to use for a pain free and quick death! buy it now! in pharmacies and Cheers!]]
Okay.
so the blonde bitches committed suicide, but when the doctors cut them open to check for the cause of death, it was found that they didn't die of poisoning at all!!
[[because the blonde bitches were so blonde they took the wrong amount of the poison, and it wasn't even enough to stop a headache, how to die like that??? hiyo.hopeless]]
the doctors were very very very very sad when they realized why the blonde bitches had died...
they had died,
because....
*dramatic music here*
of broken hearts.
the two heroes didn't really give a damn, cos they felt the blonde bitches were stupid anyway...
so they went to marry their precious slinky and grimy..
and had children.
but.
their children were retarded and deformed and not-so-fortunate....
so were all the generations that lived on after that..
[[and if you want to see what the present decendants of those two couples look like,please feel free to contact me, at 98574577..
maybe i can arrange a private viewing at the zoo for you. =) ]]
oh well.
not every bedtime story has a happy ending you know...
=)
but at least this one has a morale...
listen carefully now...
all you wannabe heroes out there...
it fucking hurts when you scold your girlfriend over another girl. it doesn't matter if she's right or wrong, if she's bitchy or factual, it just hurts.
get it??

[[we're gonna have problems...we'll try our best but we're still gonna screw up. sometimes it will be you & sometimes it will be me. but we'll fight.
but the important thing i've learned, '' is that whatever problem we have, we can solve, because nothing will ever be as bad for me as being away from you.'']]

& you said you agreed, & u promised me the world.

oh. and one more thing. i TOTALLY loved today's episode of American idol. like, the song choices were ahmayzing~! Heartless was RESURRECTED by kris.... hot damn.... and i liked da song One and Crying by Adam... this is gon be like a super tough choice fo sho...!

so they started me on missing some songs that i like,..... and.....today's pick is CASCADAAAAAA =P
like, whatever =.='''

ooooh.
so i went to get my wisdom toothy extracted yesterday... did i mention that already? can't remember. last night was SUPER painful...but today it's just a dull ache... not bad! =)

friday gonna go down wit chacha to check out da kapland campus n shit .... see what course i can take. and then i gotta make a decision quick. see if i shud to go thailand, kapland, or SMU. SMU prolly won't accept me ba, but people have been telling me to go for an interview...
hais..

i'm still bloody confused... so..
spending alot of time just lying down at home....
doing nth much...

i need to get books from the library.. but sengkang lib is too damn small...and other librarys make me emo...
shitz..

freak it.

so yo, it's like this...

finally, finally finally. i got my hair cut!!!!!! yeszssszszszssiiiiirr!

went wit yt to supercuts... and cutcutcut... the instructions i gave the girl....she didn't really follow la.... -.- so i was kinda freaking out... but hey! the end result was surprisingly good leh!!!!! whoooo~

so now, i'm lightheaded! awesomeness.
yesterday, also went to the library for the first time since coming back. which reminds me....

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here's like a note to whoever da crap thinks i've changed,,,,
NO I HAVEN'T.
you freakin made me doubt myself. u made me think that mayb i didn't realize it and i had changed into some freak of nature. but guess what, i haven't. i'm just more confident, and i flaunt it. and there's nothing the freak wrong wtih that. i've proved to myself i'm still da same, maybe just better. i'm still the same retarded-bookwormy-emo kid with weird fashion. nothing's really changed.
i still hate pr.freak, and da stupid fish in SYAS. i still love banmian,meesiam, and PASTAMANIA. [ohhh hell that's good...] i still get mad at the 4-book limit because everytime i go to the library i want MORE.
i still struggle with chinese because i can't get the same sounds right. i still get pissed off when it's too hot. i still need aircon to survive a makeout session. LMAO. not that i have since i got back, but whatever. i'm still as antisocial as ever. and i'm still as stressed out about the same things as ever. [career, education, jobs, bleh bleh bleh.] and yes, thanks to my stupidity i'm much more stressed about them now.

i think the only things that have changed...is... i'm scared of walking around at night alone. and i'm very honest. at the same time, if i need to lie to you, i'm pretty darn good at it. i just understand much more of the otherside of things... like, i can relate to what it's like to be 'bad'? i understand what the party scene entails, in america anyway, and yea it was fun...but i don't need that here. cos i'm ME when i'm home. and u know what? that's a good thing. i mean, yeah, i lost a coupla liver cells, or maybe a bunch of them, but when i have a kid next time... i'm gonna KNOW. i'm gonna know the ways she's gonna try to cover up her tracks. i will know the signs and i will stop it. HAHAHAHHA. *evil laughter* mayb it's just as well i dont' plan to have kids any time soon... ... ...

so anyway.
thanks for making me doubt myself.
it's now ur problem for not believing in me.
you didn't have faith, you were just concentrating too hard on what i was doing.
yea, i hurt u like hell and im sorry. i can't justify what i did. but im also sorry you didn't give me the benefit of the doubt.
u did the same thing to me before.. mayb not in the same way, but along the same lines.
and yea i got mighty pissed off in the beginning when i heard it from people, but i told them that i'm sure ur heart wasn't in it. cos that's how i believed in you.
so dont' say u tried to believe in me.
it just makes me mad. like. majorly mad.
cos of ALL the people i left behind here, i expected u wud be the only one who wud believe in me. i mean, changes scare everyone,and some liked it while some were like, WTF... but whatever, i knew they wud be fine once i was back and back to being me, sans crazy behavior. [like whatever i know SOME of u had doubts as to my sanity. others like chacha just joined me in my insanity =P]
i thought, i really thought u knew me better than them...
but no, i guess i was wrong.
i thought i didn't have feelings anymore...but i do. i have feelings of anger. major rage. which is surprising. but i do. i have major controlled rage just under the surface of my smiles. i'm so mad at you. and i can't tell u. so i'll rant it out here.i dont' care that u'll prolly never see it. i've apologized for shit, i've felt guilty about shit, and now yea. im mad because of shit.
i'm mad at myself. because i banked my whole .....whatever...on the fact that u wud believe in me and actually understand me.
i'm mad at you . because u said u DID understand. u also said otherstuff i can't say here -.-
i'm mad at myself because i thought u cud do it. im mad at myself because i took u seriously when i shudn't have.
i just thought that it was logical to me, so mayb u had seen the logic of it and u understood.
FINE I HAVE A TWISTED LOGIC. -.-'''
and i just realized i also have a kinda dark humor. eh whatever.
back to my main point.
u didn't believe in me.

and if u ever really loved me like the way you said,
you made the biggest mistake of your life.

& u wanna know what's the most pathetic thing?
i still kinda believe in you.

PS: and yea i've changed, i never believe anyone who tells me they love me anymore. because i know, it's just too fragile to be called love. i also don't listen when someone tells me they believe in me. it's funny, since i was so willing to believe that u did. but no. i've learned that it's pretty damn impossible to expect that of anyone. cos basically no one is as stupid as me. i've seen that too. people say they believe in you, but the moment u do something that hurts them or shit, they quickly think da worst of u. so please for goodness sakes, don't nobody say they believe in me no more.
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so anyway on a lighter note...!
it's funny how one of my friends in america hits the jail cell and like, i get two super funny messages about it. LMAO... news travels.
last night i was soooo damn tired, when i was lying in bed talkin to my mom, i just fell asleep. fully dressed and with my contacts still on. and my mom woke me up at 5 am...5AM -.- and told me to take my contacts off. LOLLLS... like that's gonna help... my eyes were already damn swollen... hahahaha.... fishy eyes... so yea. i just took em off n threw them on the floor. and went back to bed.

yesterday mornin i went wit my momma to the shop, then met up with the Wans for bowling and lunch. then they brought me to da SPCA to check out the doggssss there. no toy dogs leh. so sad. the rest were like huge mongrels and purebreds, all HUGE. lol and the place stank like hell. there were also kitties and guinea pigs and hamsters. LOL! oh. and rabbits. ahhaa. if i ever become a billlionaire , i wanna take over the SPCA and build them a better place to be located at.
ok. last thing before i go eat!

i'm getting my wisdom tooth extracted today. one side. yayy. be prepared for an extremely foolish dawn to emerge. =P

toodles, and xoxoxo~!

this morning i saw the aftermath of saturday night at clarke quay.
let's just say...

it wasn't pretty.
& not to be hypocritical...
but...
only one word seemed to fit..

degradation.

shitz.
i never looked at it in this light before i guess....cos i've never seen.... and from the outside looking in, it's stupid.
sure, there are funny moments, but, i can be funnier when i'm not being retarded like those people tumbling about on the streets.

thanks. because without You i'd prolly have taken longer to understand.

anyway~! on a much lighter note! i've been a gud, albeit extremely retarded daughter today... =P but at least i keep my momma laughing...
need to get my teeth done soon...
sigh.... -.-'''

i'm kinda glad life is returning to normal..... =)

Today i knelt in church to pray
i said, I'm not sure He'll listen, but still i'll try
dear God, it's been awhile
I can't ask for anything, but i'd like to say thanks
Though i hate to admit it, The pastor is right
You've blessed me with another week
And what an important week it's been.
You've brought me home safely, from half a world away
Brought me sleeping soundly over oceans and seas
I've met the friends that mean the most to me
Tatcha on friday and Yanting on saturday
The prawnnys and shasha so long ago last sunday.
You knew how much it'd make me happy-even though i wasted money on a cab
To again sit thru an incredibly long service, with my girl again!
And I'd also like to thank You, cos You gave me strength
so even though someone important is missing
You promised me, I'd learn something from it all
This week has been amazing
So thank You, dear God, because I definately see
It's You who gave me the life to live
It's You who's teaching me how to live.

so dude.... man..... it's been too long since i've last seen my girls tatcha n yanting~!!!!!!!
went shopping with chacha my super-duper-freakin-awesome-shopping partna yesterday.... taka and far east.... then met up with my dadda to eat, in the end we talked with mr jacobby for like two and a half hours and didn't eat! =.= awesomeeee..

today met yt for breakfast and church! i won't tell how la huh, but...apparently... i had to get a taxi driver to drive like he was in the F1 race... dots... more dots... lalalallaaaa.... but it was definately awesome to see my girl again! duuuuuude... the feeling of walking into church/sleeping in church/going to cheers/laughing at the *ahems* together was just totally worth waking up at like 8am [super early kay] and taking da cabbythingy down. =) yayyyys~!!!!

so yea! i'mma go sleep now. cos. i'm.
yeah whatever.
sleepy la! =P

so like, i had sushi buffet last nite~!!!! whoaaa yessss ah! nice! it's been like 9 months since the last time i went! =P
and anyway, it's sushi la, so can't really put on weight ^^

hmm yea that's it for now.... still thinking abt gettin a job but still too lazy to get movin on it =P
i jus wanna stay in bed all day.....

cheerio~!

seeing this just makes me wanna hug my roomie, and go sing k. hug my roomie cos we watched this tgh so many frickin times and laughed our asses off, and go sing k, cos, hey man, anyone of us can sing better than this poor fag =P

so like.
i wanted to eat sushiiii buffet today..
and everyone was frickin working or in school la!
T.T

getting used to da heat now..
but pretty bored!
gotta start lookin for a job.
but damn lazy to do so.
just wanna sleep my days awayyyyy yayyyy~!

oooh ! jassy can go eat sushi tonite! heh heh...
setttt..

ladidaaaaa...............

heh. interesting song came my way a couple of days ago... by someone called Guang zhi? super old i think... hahaha... but anyway.. it's like a bloody sad song. i sat there... n listened to it.. and i was like, hmmm. cool.. someone needs to write a song that answers this song, yknow? like da songs fuck u n fuck u right back are related to each other? maybe i'll try one day...

i have a couple of rants for today..
but i lost the mood suddenly.
everything i wanted to write just became "blablablablablablablablabla..." in my mind.
awesome.
just gonna...
lie down and ROT.

bla
bla
bla
bla
bla
bla
bla
bla
bla
bla
bla
bla
bla
bla

aights.
so i'm back.
first day back was sunday, went to eat, then eat somemore, then went to the evangelistic crusade's finale. mad tiring. monday, went to the movies with jassy and shasha^^ nice movie, but made me emo... weirdly enough..
nevermind...

so today! i'm having a day off to just chill at home. i miss my home. miss my dawg..
my parents say if i stay in singapore they'll let me have another dog. HAHAHAH. mucho like bribery to stay home dontcha think??hahahah whatevs. anyway. future plans? i think i'm going to thailand to study. i have no idea what for, but since that was planned, i'll do it. my whole life seems summed up in t his one sentence huh? "i have NO idea what for, but since it was PLANNED, i'll do it."
awesome.
im sorry for being like, so selfpitying or emo or depressing or whatever you want to call it. but im honestly not feeling sorry for myself. i'm just very confused and pissed off cos nothing looks remotely appealing in mai phuture.

all that said, i m enjoying myself back home! familiar faces familiar things. stil have yet to meet up with chacha and yt! my two darlin girlies on this side... ad i have yet to go to the library~! who will go with me to da library?? onli my dad or someone else used to go with me... =(

okay! so yeah. im also getting a job...hopefully... =P
but,. one thign at a time huh~

PS: i miss lizatangytang and ashesfitzy! heheheh!

huh..

kay.
today was a crazy hectic day. started at 11, and never stopped till rite now , also 11.
so in total, i go to LWH twice, and FlemingPlaza 3 times. walking all the way in heels.
stupid stupid stupid.
packing has been so hard. having to throw away things that sometimes mean alot...
so...
yea.

mad stressed still..no idea when i'll relax.. but .... i just feel pretty lost. this chapter of my life is pretty much over, so what comes next? the planned chapters have all been erased...n now i walk alone.

i hate that i let myself become weak.
i became dependent without even knowing it.
so now ...
im having to rebuild my walls all over again.

it's been a longass time since i've been so emo. and even longer since i've made an attempt to be good.

whatever! imma goin home!
see u on the other side, bitches~
;)

oh crap shit tooty tooty toot!!!

luggage stress.

i absofreakinlutely hate my luggage.
hate it.
hate it.
HATE IT.