I try to find clarity in this constantly changing world.

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Layout: vehemency
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*DRUMMMM ROOLLLLLLL*

IT'S THE 29TH OF AUGUST!!! DYOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??


IT'S.....


MR YE JUN'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [OTHERWISE KNOWN AS ZENGSHIPENG BUT LIKE WHATEVER.]


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DARLING!!!!
I'm sooo happy that i'm able to be back here and we can celebrate your 21st birthday TOGETHER! =) there's more to say but i'll say it to you in person, cos people will kill me prolly if i subjected them to reading such romantic drivel. =P

Still,
I LOVE YOU, BABY!

hehe.
i hope you loooveeee your birthday present!!

yeah.
so i've been mad busy, it's all culminating tmrw i guess. then i'll be free again till end september. haha.

my life in some nutshells, since i'm tired n sleepy n ready to hit the sacky sack sack.

1- im pretty secretly happy about something. keke. but yea, wutever u do i'll support u la, u know that!

2- tomorrow is lunch at home and dinner out wit etNyt. hmmms. i hope everythin goes good.

3- sometimes maybe i need to pay more attention to people around me...besides my besties ... cos i DO already pay attention to them. LOL..

4- still havent replied msg from ashes. imma go to hell for that man.

5- im feeling like i can't do anything right. like, everything kinda seems to be....just average in my life. relationships, friendships, work, stuff like that. i need it to move past average, i want it to be spectacular. i mean, if im gonna live life i wanna live it well. i wanna love i wanna laugh i want to have the full range of emotions instead of living like some bottled up homosapien squeezed on this island.

6- on a brighter note, im seein my girl tmrw.

7- on a darker note, i miss dating her.

8- on a brighter note, i met up with chacha on thurs right before tuition to get baby's birthday pressie completed.. lolls.. it was a.... stressful... time. but thanks to chacha it was pretty fun too! if left to myself i wud have prolly gone into breakdown mode. girl, next time we meet up i promise it'll be fun fun fun!! =)

9- and that goes for you too, y.t! nxt wk, aft my paycheck. =P

10- oh yeah! which reminds me, i have had one more class added to my schedule. fri afternoon. so now my week is like, sunday mornin till afternoon, monday free, tues evening, wed morning, thurs evening, fri afternoon, sat free of course. haha.

11-ok i'll go to bed before my unexplained frustration makes me bang my head against the wall.

hiya!

i have like, no energy, and i forgot everything i wanted to write. HAHA. sheesh. need to get down to blogging more. and and and... yeah. there's so much i want to say during the day but when i get back at night im too tired to write it out.

no emotions no thoughts no feelings.

just facts. n thats boring.

imma go pass out for awhile first
blog tomorrow maybe...

one more!!!

i desperately need to start taking pics n posting them like NOW.

i realized i have a painfully unillustrated blog. bleh =p

FML

Monday. yep. my baby's baaack!!! and yes, picking him up at the airport was as nerve wracking and delightful as i thought. haha. went back home, ate dinner, grinned like idiots at each other. and slept for like 4 hours. Monday day i had to go for tuition, so he followed me... and we went out wit et n yt in the evening for banbanbanMIANNNN =P New Fact: Chili is a way of showing gay love.

ANYWAY. hehehe.. tuesday was horror day. tried to quit teaching maths for P4, but my plea was oh-so-kindly rejected. -.- but i shall persist in trying to quit. yes i will.

wed, today, was pretty fun. had tuition in the morning again, then came back to my darlings... evening went out wit yt for SUSUSUSUSSUUUUSHIIIi while my lover went to look for rooms to rent. hehe. yes darlin girl, i think we shud NOT go out anywhere near a shopping center around this time of the month. especially not together. hahahaha. fun stuff though. i bought 13 punching pens, and a rainbow bag. 'God made all the colors of the rainbow' right, so like, i'm a Rainbow Girl!!! =P huh. right. anyway! yt bought a girly bag. it's NICE. haha.



aite. enough random facts about my life. i got some important things to say. and i'll say them in lil nutshells. =)

- i feel like, writing again! but i don't have enough sittting down time to write stuff, other than comments on students' papers. LOL. but.. yea. once school starts i wan go POPULAR. go Hougang branch.

- i feel desperately outnumbered.

- i think some decisions, no one can give advice on. some choices have to be made personally, they are called personal choices. and these personal choices are usually the most important ones. That's why sometimes i won't tell you which path to take. Because only you can decide what order your priorities are in. As for my opinion in such matters, usually what i do in my own life will be proof enough of my opinions.... yeah, i will worry for you, but i'm not going to be anyone's moral judge, but as to what is right and wrong, where is one to draw the line, then that is for every person to decide on their own. No matter what your decision is and whether i think it's right or not, i'll still be happy for you n support u..cos that's wut friends are for. =P gan dong liao right???? WADDDEVER. hehe.


- my ass hurts.

- i think some people should stop making the death of Pr. Ho into a joke. it's nt funny. Death never is.

- At my funeral, which i hope shall never happen, but if it does, please don't discuss if i'm gonna go to heaven, whether i was a slut, why i started wearing makeup, and if i've had sex. Thank you very much.

- my nails look like strawberries.

- There's a whole shitload of vampire/paranormal fiction out there!

- i'm tired. oh. and i haven't had time to reply ashes msg. shit imma bad kaki.

aite that's all folks.

mucho amor.

dawn

When i wake up, i'll be smiling
When i'm working, i'll be dreaming.
I'll be walking on air, and living on laughter
But when the sun sets, my fingers'll turn to butter.
Eight o clock comes, i'm rushing my dad to get ready
He's like, "Sheesh, girl, we've still got 4 hours!"
No daddy we don't, we've still gotta drive, i still have to get ready.
And what if there's a traffic jam-
"yeah right, at 11 in the night??"
-Well you never know right?
And the cars might all be packed up like sliced ham.
So he rolls his eyes but we get there on time
Quicker than when i penned this rhyme.
Before your plane even hits the tarmac,
My head's spinning like i'm hammered on cognac.
Everything's moving in slo - mo,
Like a car avoidin the po- po.
Just when i want it to be runnin' fast forward
Time's held up so bad it's like goin' backward.
My dad says "girl, relax. It's gonna be awhile"
Awhile? Like how they say 'it's gonna hurt AWHILE'
When the dentist's drill against your cavity starts to press-

But i digress..

Anyway. Lights flashin, signs pointing,
Looks like you're finally arriving.
I'm running to the spotless glass panels,
Like there's a 99% sale goin on at Chanel's.
Spinning baggage carousel, hurry and give my lover his bags
Baby! Why you checkin bag tags??
Finally you're coming, you see me and smile
I'm about to melt into a happy little pile.
It's been 2 months, but it felt like 2 lifetimes
I want to relive this moment a thousand times.
Flying towards you, I beat the concorde's record
Our arms wrap around each other tighter than zipcord.
And i can't speak, and you can't speak,
And my daddy says
"hi!"





LMAO. aight. a purely fictional piece... guess i'll let u kno how the real thing went tmrw =P


im like sooooooooooooooooooooo exciteddddddddddddddd

aight. so today i actually went down to church! whoooo. congratulations to me. =P
unfortunately i kinda slept thru the whole service. sadness. wutEVER.
OH! and and and so i just finished watching this funny movie i dled a long time ago in the states but haven't watched till now cos i thought it was just a stupid ninja movie. and heck yeah it IS a stupid ninja movie but RobinShou is darned fuckin HOTTTTT man. hehehe. i wanna see more of his films! anyway...

24 more hours!
im like, SUPER HAPPY. =P

aight......
so like, i just figured i'd write a short passage about something i've been...thinking about. =P

there will always be a time in a relationship when one person will feel like he or she needs his space from another. or inadverdently provide too little attention to the other. either way it will result in the other person feeling .... annoyed, to put it mildly. i guess i know what it's like having been on both ends of this equation....
but u know, i think in the end IF it's meant to be, the feeling of needing space will be replaced with a slight nostalgic feeling soon followed by 'OMG I MISS HIM/HER SO MUCH.'' I kid. but anyway. if it's not meant to be... then the feeling is not one of needing space. it's one of " oh shit i'm in the wrong r/s and i need to get OUTTT''.... LOL. so yea that's my take on it. of course there's always the sitting-on-the-fence approach, where the person wants more than just space between him/her and the other but is still unsure whether or not to break it off completely.
Life is complicated, what can i say. it helps if you know what u want out of it though =)

anyway! fri, sat, sun, and then my baby's BACKKKKK omigoshhh im so damnnnn excited!

aights.

down to the nitty gritty.

Monday was a public holiday, but i still had to give tuition. Momma was home for a change, so we all went out aft my tuition to go mum mum.... hehe. amk for zi cha dinner, then we went to geylang on a whim! for doujiang you tiao and durian. it was really scary cos like there were dirtyolduncles staring at me when i got out of the car in the middle of geylang.. and my mom was all like, 'make sure they got disposable things!' cos she's scared of aids or smth. LOL. my doujiang didn't have sugar, cos the lady forgot. sheesh. kinda weird taste, but i thought that was what it was supposed to be like, until i commented that it was really BLAND, and my dad was like, nooooo, very sweet leh! HAHAHA.oh! and there was this china supermart right next to the store, so i went there with my momma and bought laoganma chili. ohhhh heck i used to eat that stuff with everything the last two months in the states! =p onli thing, when i bought it here, it cost like 2.50 onli! whereas a smaller bottle in ATL cost me abt 6 USD. muthafucka ripoffs! haha..
Anyway.
that was monday, really quite a nice day. =)oh, and i got a tour of part of the redlightdistrict esp the parts with brothels n stuff. weird. kinda wish i cud be a guy for a day and go in to see wut all the fuss is about. LOL.

Yesterday was pure torture -the tuition- but i called up chacha rite after my last class and HALLELUJAH she was available! heck yeah... das wat im talkin abt shawty. lollls. anyway. awesome time chilllin at macD...

let's see. today was gud!
watched The Hangover with tingy...lmao. i'm under the impression that watching four retarded hangovered guys for two hours actually causes you to feel slightly blur yourself. Reminded me of the last great party with ashes n liza. heck. good times. OH, also the crazy ass shit we did over spring break wit ashes n shannie. LOL. brought rafiel with me today.... i daresay he enjoyed it too the lil canine. =P coolness.

imma lil tired...
gonna slp.

There's so many questions in my head
Whirling, spinning, rocketing around...
So many questions, where are the answers?
It's like coffee without sugar, a toilet without paper.
It's like a piano without black keys, a table without legs.
Who am i, why am i who i am, why am i wondering why i am who i am?
Questions questions questions, i need some answers.
Stop this ferris wheel, i'm turning green.
Give me confidence as the Advil that stops my spinning,
Give me surety as a paperbag i can be sick in.

one major question?
If i cud apply for jobs that require you to work sabbath hours, WOULD i get the job??
or am i just the kind that screams please-don't-employ-me to people. LOL.
basically, it makes me wonder sometimes.
I need to prove myself...
in order to believe in myself.

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

ooooh~

my roommate's [dammit i guess she's my exroommie now but wuteverrr] blog has given me inspiration!!! also, the fact that i'm undertaking trying to teach my sec 2 students some tips on creative writing. it would never do for me to slack off now would it?? unfortunately, that's what i've been doin for quite awhile!!! =P anyway. gotta ease back into the flow...



How do i know i love you?



Cos when i reach out to touch you and you're there

My heart spins out of control along with my mind

And when i open my eyes and see your sleeping face

I just want to watch you till you wake



Cos when i look at my phone and you're calling,

I get this warm fuzzy feeling.

And when you message me right after classes,

I just want to climb thru the phone lines and kiss you.



And when you grabbed my hand the first time, you grabbed my heart

When you touched my face so tenderly, you touched my life



You opened the door of two different fates, when you opened the door of my heart

And you made me strong, where i was weak.



All i can hope, my darling

Is that one day i can know that i've been to you what you are to me.













Aight. i need to step up the writing game.

ANYWAY.



Off to bed now. =)

thanks to lizatangtangtang!
I HAVE SUCCEEDED in the second stage of my plan! =P

aight.
so the photo shoot was a success. but i need one more shoot.
so yes sha darl, maybe i'll borrow ur baby?? but what kinda baby is it? hehe =)
anyhoo.

watched an episode of Made on MTV Asia just now. hilarious in a sad way. this white girl has no rhythm at all n she wants to get in on the hiphop scene. lollls. but darned lucky bitch even got to walk it out with DJ UNK! like wtf. sheesh. and that jus makes me wanna go get danz lessons moreeeee. =( gotta wait lo. more impt things to pay for now..
like my baby's bday pressie!!! =P

oooh im mad excited~
dunch know when he's comin back but his visa's been approved man!!! whoooo..

aights. this week has nth too crazy... my dad's birthday today [WHOOOTTTTT FOR DADDYKINS!] and meetin darlin tingster on wed for dinner. oh. and i need to make another apptmnt for photoshootin once my figure gets back to bein camera worthy. oh jeez... i get pissed with my body sometimes i swear!!! hormones n shit.

wut else wut else...

OH YEAH.
note: i can NOT teach mathematics.