I try to find clarity in this constantly changing world.
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`Complete application to Curtin. and make it soon. [ as soon as my bloody ACT scores come in from SAU.]
` Get water bottles, food dishes, bedding, for squeakers. Change their cages too.
` Spend one day gettin the remainin pressies for missy YT. -.-'''
`GROOM POOCHIE BOY. [well he got bathed but he needs a lil more...trimmin and stuff..]
`pick up contacts from Clarke quay before they have my ass for it.
`Remember to work out at least 10 mins a day. cos someone is gettin fat, and that person's starin at me in the mirror.
`Drink water. DUMBASS. my skin's sooo dying.
`find some good materials for sec 2 class this week.
yeah. see. i just had a horrible class day, so now i've decided instead of complainin i'm gonna pull up a list of things i need to accomplish. LOL. yayyy Dawn!!!!
and oh yeah, 5 goals for the month of OCTOBER.
1. DRINK TONS MORE WATER.
2. SLEEP EARLIER. AND BY THAT I MEAN BEFORE 3 AM.
3. FIND A WAY TO MAKE MY ROOM PRETTIER, WHICH MAY BE NEAR DARN IMPOSSIBLE BUT WELL I GOTTA TRY.
4. LOSE 3 KILOS. THIS SHALL BE DONE BY CUTTING OUT ALL MEALS EXCEPT THREE. lol.
5. GET TONED ABS. 84 CRUNCHES PER DAY.
yeah yeah yeah... we can all dream.. but my monthly goals are usually pretty realistic ^^
Loves,
me
ladiiidaaaaa~~
it's wake up, walk dog, eat, n bounce off to work again!!!
Congrats to baby, starting his first day of CAT studies today.
Here's lots of hugs n kisses and best wishes! keke. i'll be down to pick your ass up later^^
so yea....
gonna walk the pooch now.
sheeeete responsibilities!!!
it's been awhile since my last post huh??
i think i'm sick of my skin... needa change it up. hahaa.
ANYWAY.
Sudden crush on TaylorSwift.... she seriously has a cute face that sometimes reminds me of my hamster when she sings. LMAO. at this point someone is gonna tell me taht EVERYONE reminds me of hamsters. well, some are cute hamsters, some are pretty hamsters, and some are just fat roly poly hammies. =P
apart from this star-gazin i'm doin on youtube.
i miss being carefree...
no responsibilities bigger than handing up a paper on time ..
no worries about anything but grades...
work is gettin me down. LMAO. not that it's alot, it's jst something i'm getting pretty sick of. dead end job n all that. and im fulltime caretaker of a super neurotic pooch. lol. much as i love him and all that. and then there's the whole relationship thingy, and everyone knows it's easier to be single than attached. hahaaha. but i love him, and i love it, and i love the kids i teach.. most of them anyway... so... idk. im still tryin to get out of the weirdassemodepression thingy.
gotta go to bed now.
puppy is fallin asleep on my lap. haha.
nite nite
so it's like a sucker punch to the gut.
and im lost floundering once again.
starin at an empty path,
nothing seems to be worth it.
so whatever you wanna say,
im right to care about my future.
and right now it's fucked up,
and im wonderin if what i did was right.
But of course it was,
i guess though im lost now i'll find a way
though the night's dark i'll find some squishy glow worms.
can't let some bullshit get me down.
bloody hell, went down to apply at SMA today... guess what? idiote chooses now to tell me that my major has 3 sabbath classes for each module. i REMEMBER specifically askin him if there were saturday classes and he told me no. so yep. obviously SMA is out, so im pretty much at a loss wut to do. no way in hell i'm doin ACCA... so i guess im gonna try either curtin or the other 'supposedly' high rankin australian uni. oh yea, newcastle. whatever.. im pretty much over cryin abt it. yeah shure i waited 3 months to apply for FUCKSHIT but. yeah. wut can i do right?
bed time now.
sorry for skippin out on you today tatcha =(
& behind all the anger, i just want to cry.
it's a shield....
cos i always believed that attack is better than submission..
defense is better than showin how u are hurt by it.
i just really wanna curl up into a hole and stay there...
yt and tatcha can come visit i guess..
and my dogs...
but being a hermit is lookin like a better n better option.
alas.
i have to work.
maybe it's the pms hormones, but
i currently hate my life.
u know sometimes i t hink love has made me soft. it's made us all soft. even yt. [lol don't deny it girlll! =D]
and im not sure that's a good thing.
i try to be nicer to my mom, more respectful, more whatever, does she care? no.
i come all the way back from the fuckin states, fly my ass up to china, do stuff for him i wudn't do for another guy, and just yesterday he tells me, in essence, i'm trying to forget about him and our relationship, JUST BECAUSE i bloody forgot a coupla dates we had. omg. if what i've done so far isn't enough to prove that i actually do love u and i deserve that u actually TRUST MY FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU, then i can't do anymore. i LITERALLY cannot do anymore. well besides offering myself up on an alter, sliced down the centre and fired up with holy fire.
Oh, and it made me think, what have YOU done that shud make me trust ur feelings towards me? tru feelings can't just be judged by whether you've been faithful the whiole time or not.... it's more than that... and even tho u say that's the way you love, basically all you've been doin is letting me go. makes me wonder how much u want this, how much u want us.
then i adopt a dog and it pees on me.
and im eating soooo much healthier now than when i was in the states, but guess what? my health is like WAY worse.
well. only good thing is i don't look like a pig now.
life's just kinda been kickin me in some ways..
kinda sucks when my 18th birthday is comin next week and i can't even summon a smidgen of excitement...
screw the world.
hearts.
see.
i was pissed like fuck originally, now im just like...eh...okay...whatever...
im jus gonna say, to those who don't have a mom who annoys you, then don't judge me. but to those who do, you're gonna know exactly what i mean.
It's like, im walking down the street and i see TMC which is this pieca chite place....in a totally rundown building, in a weird place n stuff....alot of foreigners there... yea. and im passing by with my mom n a bunch of ppl and i decide to make small talk and like laughingly say ''wow....and rememeber how you thought of sending me there?'' and she's like ,'' it's better than SMA.''
for those of u who don't know, SMA is my school of choice, and that decision was supported by my mom for all of 12 hours before she decided she needed to push me towards getting another school. it went from '' oh gosh honey im so glad you found a new school!'' to ''that school is ewwww and i really think you need to rethink your decision to go there.'' and it's been that way ever since. like, she won't EVER admit there's ONE thing good abt the place i decided to go to, even tho she brought be there in the first place. like today...
which is plain childish cos sma is OBVIOUSLY better than tmc, if u don't believe me just go and look for yourself.
so yeah. i just bit my tongue and went back to my friends. no use trying to make small talk with her, i usually get some sort of ''cold water''.....
like, she's my mom so obviously i love her n stuff but she's just a pain in the butt....and sometiems i swear she's more childish than me.
and like my boyfriend is being an ass cos when i very calmly told him that i was upset abt THE ABOVE... he was just like, ''baby don't be like that..''
and i'm like, yup, that's TOTALLy how to empathise wit me. totally.
like, you don't have to live with her u don't know how frickin annoying she can be...and im not even askin u to be like, ''yeah she's annnoying totally you're totally right,'' im just askin for like, an acknowledgement that i have a right to be pissed, or even just a listening ear....WITHOUT the cautioning and advice that i should relax and take it easy and she's your mom and all that bullshit! u have NO IDEA how much i've improved in my attitude towards her okay.... but that will never be enough because she's my ELDER and etc etc etc....
well guess what...
I DON"T GIVE A SHIT.
and u can wait for my call cos it ain't comin any time soon.
So it's like, today just got me feelin emo..
WELLL... not exacctly emo but more likke....drained.
Maybe because i haven't had something i really want to eat in awhile..
that unsatisfied feeling even though you're super full...
I'm simple, really, i want banmian, and spaghetti, and soup noodles .... maybe the random carrot cake... it all depends on my mood, but i never crave for crazy food like ox tongue, or bat poop...[im sure some people eat that SOMEWHERE...] but like, i jus wanna eat what i like u eat, u know? and when for consecutive days, i dun get to do that, i get annoyed.. lol!
and... i mean, i dun mind socializing at all... but twice in one week is overwhelmin... please dun have another 21st birthday any time soon baby.. =P
it brings me back to the fact that apart from a handful of close friends, i can't seem to get along with or have a sense of belonging to most singaporeans.. i envy that of the MCs.. u know? i mean, yeah i use singlish but it annoys me when i do, i never used to have this problem... The speech of the ahlians and ahbengs grate painfully on my nerves... the KS idiots standing smack in the middle of the train doors need to fuck off... the retard aunty who's so damn short needs to take a chilll pillll and not flare up at innocent teenaged girls who accidentally slap her with their hair... like seriously...
idk... im definately not a happy camper today... hopefully sunday is gonna be amazin .... gon see my baby girl & boy then.... tomorrow too... whole day with darlin...
wish me luckkkkkkukkukkkk ^^
i've been thinking abt different things...
but here's just a stupid comment for the day.
The best way to piss a guy you've hooked up with once, iis to ask him his name several times the next time you meet him. He'll be like, ''wtf u don't remember me???'' LMAO.
lame and random, but i gotta reply msges...so! be back here updatin soon =)
F.
So like my mom's the best at judging me. as in, literally, 'you're a disgrace to the family' kinda way.
and i'm pretty sick of it.
i only ever hear two things: Either how cute i was when i was a kid and how proud they were of me THEN, or that i'm currently teetering on the brink of bringing heavy disgrace on my whole family.
like. what the fuckin shit.
What do u want me to do? change myself to suit you completely?
Forever remain the innocent little kid that knew shit about anything in the world.
Everytime, we have an issue, she makes me feel like im either gonna be headed straight to hell for being such a slut/whore wutever, or that i'm gonna DISGRACE my whole family thru one of my horrible disgusting actions. yes, she actually does use words like disgusting on me.
yours truly, her own daughter. and yea, it definately pisses me off. and it hurts more than i'd care to admit.
i used to just deal with it by rebelling and going 'fuck care' to whatever she said or thought of me. but since i came back i've been trying so damn fuckin hard to actually be there and spend time with her. cos apparently that's the more matured thing to do? but wtf. sometimes it's a serious pain in the butt.
i wish my roommate were here, cos she'd totally understand.