Love, Dawn♥

awww!!! i saw this picture R uploaded on facebook!!! it was back in ... .. .. 2005? i was 14? yeah. SOOOO ugly. But we had so much fun...it was great! hahaha. little worries and lotsa fun. miss being young innocent and carefree.

This is why i dont like watching romantic comedies.... cuz YES i started crying at the end of Knocked Up. It's like, i WANT that. I want a baby and a happy family. A new life is just such a miracle... haha. And people get pregnant by 'accident' then fucking abort their babies??? I mean if you got raped, yeah sure abort the rapechild, but if its cuz you cudn't keep it in your pants... then dammit just have the baby. Sometimes i wonder what would happen if i accidentally got pregnant.. hahaha... idk. Weird. But yeah, it's a super sweet and touching movie... and this song is played during the ending credits. I love it. =)

Today, ate half a bowl of cereal with soymilk, half a bowl of soup noodles and vegetables, half a cup of bubble tea, and fruit. =)

hmmm. Cud prolly have done without the half cup of bubble tea.

Today was kinda tough. Kept running into the one person i didn't wanna run into.

Well, the fact that i hurt, doesnt mean that i care. you know?
Seeing someone you dont wanna see can bring back memories you dont wanna remember, making it all that much harder on your brain. But, that doesn't mean that i care. Ok i dont know how much sense i'm making.

HOWEVER. Went to pasir ris pet paradise with missy yt... saw mad cute puppies!!! Stank to high heaven tho! Later, went back to church for social night and durian ...... pretty cool, liked the song service. OH! And played twister for the first time!!! LOVED IT. Wanna play again~~~~ Shall add twister to my wishlist! =)

Time for sleep.

Exhausted.

SO.
it's the 7th month, which i hate.
and it's the 21st, which i now hate too.
if 11:11 is the good/lucky/wutever number... then 21/7 has to be like the suckiest number for me.

My mood is still pretty good though.
Yoga tryouts tomorrow... bleh. Shall prepare for it by not eating anything but bread and fruit for breakfast. -_-''' At least i satisfied my rice and subway and instant noodle craving yesterday and today. Tomorrow should turn out to be a good diet day. And if any one thinks i have weight issues, i DON'T. This is Asia...Singapore to be exact.. girls here are SUPPOSED to be stick thin. We dont buy that whole 'big is beautiful' thing. Curves yes, but big no. And i like curves. I'd rock curves if i was tall enough. But i'm not. SOOOOOO the only option is for me to skinny down to what my height requires. =D
furthermore, this isn't because i think people will like me more when im skinnier. It's a known fact that guys prefer girls with flesh on them IE not stick thin. BUT. and it's a huge but. I like stick thin. It's a....reaction.... to emotional stress. I start wanting to lose weight, learn dance, learn yoga, get flexible... basically i think it's like this. When i lose control emotionally, i start to take control physically. heh. Some psychoanalytical crap i heard somewhere..but it makes sense!! Cuz once i couldn't control how i felt emotionally, and things started blowing up in my face, i just started to have this urge to control the physical aspect of my life. yep.
Judge if you must, but hey, even my mom thinks im overweight... so THERE. hahaha! That doesn't stop her from feeding me 3 square meals a day when she's not working tho... -_-''' And i love the attention so i end up eating wut she makes. Which thank GOD is vegan and pretty much oil and sugar free. Perks of having a health food fanatic for a mom ;)

OH. And before i start to give the impression that i have a food complex or wutever those crazy ass bitches call it.... er...wut was that?? ..... .... .... ok i can't remember the name for it but NO i dont have anorexia or bulimia. I do NOT throw up my food after eating it. Just cause i think it's a waste of good food. hahaha. If i eat it it stays down. AND i do not starve myself. I will end up eating if im not hungry just to accompany a friend. does that sound like anorexia to you?? yeah. so im not sick in the mind. I'm just trying to encourage myself to stay on some semblance of a diet....so that i fit into those freakish 'free-size' clothes a lil bit better. =)

ANYWAY! My mood is on the up and up now. Updates later to see how 21/7 goes!! =)

i watch wayyy too many tv shows. Sometimes i can't even keep them straight. hahaa. Here's my top 20...or 15..or however many it turns out to be.. =)

1. Leverage [SMOKIN' HOT CAST AND LINES.]
2. Lie to me. [soooo educational. heh]
3. NCIS [u gotta love Gibbs]
4. NCIS: Los angeles. [ll cool j?? whoooo~]
5. The Mentalist [the whole show is intriguing.]
6. Psych [Santa Barbara, need I say more?]
7. Bones [science can be sexy]
8. CSI: Miami [Horatio goes a teensy bit overboard with coolness, but his team is awesome]
9. CSI: LV [i find Langston an interesting character to watch.]
10. Two and a half Men [hilarious. But slightly disturbing. Chuck Lorre, wut can i say =D ]
11. Friends [it's a classic. watched the whole thing like 3 times already.]
12. The Big Bang Theory [Sheldon gives me a bloody headache]
13. Law and Order: SVU [This series gives a hell lot of food for thought.]
14. Criminal Minds [Strictly cuz of that super hot actor. ]
15. House [SO INTERESTING!]

Yep.. so theses are the 15 shows that i pretty much follow...regularly... lol.. =D
As you can see, none of them are emotional or romantic or...yea... hahaha. that's how i like it. Bones seems to be moving into the emotional part...so i've stopped watching it for awhile..
humour is wut tv needs. why wud we want emoness and bullshit when that's what we HAVE in real life?? entertain me baby...!!! or educate. Either one. But dont friggin depress me. haha =P

ANYWAY! Time for bed. Nights =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16nIUMwcZXg&feature=related

Edited my playlist. =)

Angels cry - you downloaded it for me :)
Tuo Xie - i think it means surrender? and yea that's how i feel. im wayyy out of fighting spirit here. haha.
Airplanes - that song just makes me happy =)

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Okay. I get how you feel mad at me... but i guess i didn't know you'd actually give a damn. It's like last time all over again, how you just got mad at me cuz i kissed that guy, when you didn't even tell me you liked me. and then you got so mad at me. After you left i started crying in the bathroom, and they had to be all like, awww dont cry... it's gonna be fine.. and all that comforting stuff. Cant you see a pattern here?? You dont tell me shit, then when i do something you get mad at me and go like, im never gonna talk to you again!! I'm willing to apologize, even like before, just cause i think i can understand how you feel... but apart from apologizing, wut else do you want me to do?? I'd do it, unless it was in the realm of the impossible.

You got to understand, i told you only cuz i didn't know who else to talk to. and if you actually did give a shit about me, then maybe you'd have tried to understand that.

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ANYWAY!!!

I'm sick.
Sore throat and fever and apparently my dog scratched me on the face and it got infected.
yay me.
PAIN. Now im medicated on panadol and i thinkkkk... i thinkkkk... im high off of panadol. Lol. Also kinda sleepy. and sad. but that's a common state of affairs now aint it? =)

My floor is littered with clothes and 2+ years worth of letters. Geesh. idk wut to do with them. The stupidest things make me sad... i guess. Can't decide what to do. Bonfire? or just add the box to my other 'souveniours'? After all, its just some gory reminder of what was a beautiful thing. Until you decided to keep shit from me. Yeah so i have a slow reaction time, but that's just me. Dont ever try to run away from the responsibility, cuz that's yours this time. ARGH. Decisions decisions. Somehow i cant bring myself to finish the last task of eliminating everything that reminds me of you from my life. Just this one last thing. And im having trouble with it.

OOOO TIMe TO SLEEP. before my panadol wears off. Tweettttweeetttt, tweety bird's gonna go to bed ;)

Peace.

Quick update!!!

Had mad fun today playing tour guide for the first time!!!

I thought i was gunna get lost but I DID NOT! Yay me!! =P

Started a bit late, so it wasn't as relaxing as i would have wanted it to be, but i think she enjoyed it! so yea =D

Went to Bugis junction, bugis street, and brasbasah complex to get my exam papers but they were closed. -_-''' K had kaya toast for the first time!!! hahaha super cute. and then we dropped by the quaint lil dessert store in some tiny road... i dont even know what it's called. and i wanted to get her to try steamboat buffet but not enough people to eat!!! It's a group activity maa... =P

Cine dinner was WEIRD. i got a plate of rice and eggs and vegetables for ONE DOLLAR. holy crap. and the service was madddd good. The guy kept apologizing for not having enough food for me to eat, when the eggs and veg were pretty much sufficient anyway! hahaha. so sweet. =) Touched!!! Anyway!!! i shall eat there more....support good food and good service!!!

movie....twilight eclipse...meh.... HOT bodies, but emo storyline. And as we were leaving the theatre, K was wondering at how many guys were there watching the movie... and then suddenly it struck me.. how insecure those guys should be feeling right about then. HAHAH! I mean come on!!! watching a 2 hour movie FILLLLLED with hot guys sans shirt... [the werewolf] and sexy romantic lines [the vampire] should be enough to reduce any sg guy to a quivering pile of insecurities. hehhehheh. If i were a guy i would NOT watch that movie. It'd make me suicidal. or i'd start taking steroids. heh!

After the movie we went down to look at the sg river and people-watch!! Hilarioussss the things we saw =D Took a cab home....and now here i am, still freakishly hyper.

Ever since rolling out of bed today, i've been like this. Eyes huge and hyper....no rhyme or reason! maybe it's just cuz my hormones are back in balance? or maybe just cause... idk????

Today, I just kept pushing away all the negative thoughts...

Even with you being evil and playing empty promises i refused to be sad =)

I can rise above and I will.

Smile and the world will seem all that much better.

OKAY FINE this is just me being positive. heehee. 28 days later im gonna be like, back to my moody self... and the cycle repeats.

I shud just get pregnant so I can get a 9 month break.. you know??? but then again i'd have to throw up every morning for three months...so....hmmmm... pros n cons yea? =P lmao!

I can finally blog here again! hahaha ...
As in, I can be real and speak my mind without havin to pretend that i have nothing to write and hiding far far away in my secret blog. That blog will still be maintained tho cuz i realized i lovedddd being able to write for only my eyes and several others to see. hee~!
Also, it's less bimbotic than this blog.
This is more of my diary, my journal, my whachamacallit. where i wordvomit in the most inelegant but 'normal' way... this is the me that everyone sees. So yea. =D

SO! Something i wanted to write here but never did.... =)

In 21 lines I will try
To decipher the riddle of you and I.
Every day i wonder if i should fight or fly,
Will my heart revive or simply die?
Heaven knows, nothing excapes it’s eye
Maybe it’s all my fault, & that’s why I cry
Maybe you changed, or maybe it’s all a lie
Maybe we have problems that underlie
Maybe our passion we misapply
Maybe it’s time to say goodbye
Maybe time is all we need to try
Maybe I need to believe, instead of asking why..
My smiles, my inner turmoil belie
Everytime I’m with you I lie
Everytime I think to leave you I cry
Life isn’t fair, & no matter how much I sigh
Nothing will change, my heart I cannot deny
If we’re meant to be, fate we can’t defy
If not, then we’ll still be under the same sky
It’s just that on you, I no longer can rely
My cold heart, I can no longer deny….

Since it's all over i no longer need to hide it i guess? =) RECLAMATION OF MY BLOG. and my freedom to write. Lmao.

WOOOOT~ Welcome back to Dawnny's blog !

Mad love.