I try to find clarity in this constantly changing world.
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Layout: vehemency
Icon: reruntherace
OKAY, I'd like to think that recently i've been a rather emotionally controlled person [publicly]... but today I pretty much lost it.
How? well here's freekin how.
Just read practically the whole Nanny Diaries in one sitting.
First 80% of the book was funny...a satirical [?] view of rich OCD mothers who want to do everything that has to do with their child except actually raising the kid.
Then the last 20% started getting sad and emo and zzzzzzzzzzz let's just say that even though it was a great read, IT has now left me wallowing in depression somewhere between pages 349-367
You know that throbbing in your head and behind your eyeballs when you've just read a paperback in dim lighting, on your back, without moving for maybe 2-3 hours straight? Then add to that a severe mood drop thanks to the insanely emotic and pathos-filled last dozen chapters.
Sure I might be overreacting.. but the thing is, the story I read, it seemed too real.
Wife number one loses to mistress, who becomes Wife number two, who then turns into her predecessor and gets replaced by a new mistress. Just instills a kind of terror in me, yknow? Because I KNOW it's not just a story, I KNOW there are guys who are fully capable of doing such things. And the kid? The kid just gets caught in the middle. The book's portrayal of the lil boy in the story, hemmed in by an unforgiving ritual of talent classes and enrichment programs and whatever crap the parents throw at him, when all he wants is time with his dad. And how his parents' conflict stresses him out, and even when he's sick his mom isn't there to take care of him. OKAYYYY I emphathise too much with a fictional character, but I'm pretty sure there are kids out there who want time with mom and dad but all they get is a friggin' Maid, or Nanny, or Tuition centers.
Just too much for one sitting.
SO. I was just lying there head throbbing mind whirling with all the sad sad sad thoughts, and I realized if I dont get out of this funk I'd get realllyyyyyyy horrible nightmares [YES i get nightmares alot]... So i called my Babyboo... and he, angel of mine, was sucha dear. So after a 15 minute pep talk from Mr Cuddly, I felt maybe 30% less depressed...
Then my bfff tweeted me goodnight randomly, which made me 10% less depressed...
And hmm, I'm going to go do Yoga, which might make me 10% less depressed...
And i'll watch a stupid happy comedy with no emotions except brutal hilarity, and that'll cheer me up 40% more...
The last remaining 10%? I hope it'll be gone by morning.
Remind me never to read emo books in one sitting ever again. -_-'''
Oh cripes I forgot to blog about SYTC.
Well... okay.
Some things I learned during that time weren't from the talks..
They were lessons learned purely as a result of introspection and contemplation.
And i'm happy to say, 3 good things came out of it.
Sadly, two of the good things are secret...but the third good thing that came out of SYTC was seeing my gf for three freeeeking days in a row [albiet for a few hours each time] which is really pretty awesome since she's been so darn busy working and whatnot. xP
Had a really fun time on Saturday, hope you enjoyed it too girly ;)
yupyup! So the other two things are secret, cuz they have to do with meee, and myself.
Suffice to say I feel more at peace and have regained a sense of focus and motivation that was starting to slip away.
For the second time, and for realz this time, TOODLESSSSSSS!
I had a very reflective post all typed out in my brain...
but sitting in front of my lappy now...
I can only remember bits and pieces of said post... -_-
something along the lines of...
How sometimes it's like I spend the whole day with you and realize I love you more with each second.
and how sometimes it's odd how the most irregularly and irrationally paired couples can make sense to each other.
Black and white, Yin and Yang, East and West, Girl and Boy, I guess it doesn't really matter eh?
I think if both of us adapt to each other, we'll create an end result of insanely happy bliss.
My issue resolvement process?
Almost there, darling, almost there.
Or this could just be the residual happy high from today's zoo trip talking. hahaha. :)
Okay,
My legs hurt, but I'm insanely happy...
and I can't wait to get my DSLR and go back to the zoo and take 1000% awesome-er pictures!!
Sorry my posts are getting shorter... but.... I'm TIRED.
Can't explain how strangely tired I get after finals... it's like a mental and physical drain.
Odd. very odd.
ANYWAY.
Toodles ;)
Had lunch then played a couple rounds of pool before going to watch KungFu Panda 2 with Babykins today =) Was a really relaxing day... good start to coming down from my post-exam stress or whatnot.
Headed down to STYC ... first session was kinda alright, ignoring the fact that it started about an hour after the time we thought it was going to start... seriously rushed like crazy to get there. =_='''
Supper at Prata House after... had my first Milo Dinosaur!! hehe.
Nevermind. Shall go running tomorrow to burn some FATZXZ.
Private gyms FTW [cuz then less people see me run spastically on the treadmill]
I'm out... gonna read some and then hit the sheets.
My phone ain't working ='(
EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY OVERRRRRR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's this channel on Youtube called 'jaiinecupcake'...that chick sings realllllly well. Now i'm not so sure if i should post up stupid videos of myself anymore hahahaha.
ANYWAY today was the first exam and it was alright.
can't wait for SUNDAYYYYYY cuz then i'll have a day off from all this studying to go celebrate with breadpuddin =D
so manny plans for post-exam celebrations!!!
but i SWEAR i will make it to the ZOO. hahaha,
must!!!
Now i have polaroid, film, and time.
okay.
Back to studying now.
Toodles!
I wrote this in 2010...cuz SOME guy pissed me off really bad... by making some racist statements. Well, I found it offensive anyway. Here are some of the best excerpts... =)
"1/24/2010 11:58:59 PM [jun]- makemost - F®ögGëR RüLz { `Dawn } freakin perdisco
why am i wrong? it's seriously a black life, someone that is poor.
[So, Black life is now synonymous with being poor?]
1/25/2010 12:03:17 AM [jun]- makemost - F®ögGëR RüLz { `Dawn } freakin perdisco
he's just bragging that his smarter. it's a typical black thing rite? with the yo'mama jokes and all that?[Yo Mama jokes are bragging? Uh. No. Dissing. big diff.]
1/25/2010 12:04:43 AM [jun]- makemost - F®ögGëR RüLz { `Dawn } freakin perdisco
to me this part says that he sortta hate the world and he he's been deprived. all the examples he gave are from child books or cartoons, which mean that he's didnt get a realli good education?[WOW. No Comment]
1/25/2010 12:36:23 AM [jun]- makemost - F®ögGëR RüLz { `Dawn } freakin perdisco
beatboxing is because they cant afford real instruments.[I guess ur basic idea is that all blacks are poor and deprived etc etc etc...]
1/25/2010 12:36:35 AM [jun]- makemost - F®ögGëR RüLz { `Dawn } freakin perdisco
thats how it started rite?
1/25/2010 12:36:50 AM [jun]- makemost - F®ögGëR RüLz { `Dawn } freakin perdisco
i mean, im just saying as a sharing perspective la.
1/24/2010 11:20:34 PM [jun]- makemost - F®ögGëR RüLz { `Dawn } freakin perdisco
this is filled with nigger slangs.
To some of you it may not be a big deal. You may not even consider it racism. But I felt and still feel differently, okay?
I remember at that point in time I was listening to a lot of freestyle raps on youtube... idk, I like listening to rap when I'm stressed out or angry [my taste in music fluctuates with my moods]... and I remember I was SO ANGRY after this conversation. Don't know why though, but yeah. And so one or two days after that after talking about it with my BFFF, I wrote this in the middle of the night. AND, I know it sucks. but I still posted it on Facebook so the jackass would maybe read it and realize, that not all rap has to be written by underpriviledged black people. [HELLO. EMINEM???] Anyway I'm under NO illusions as to my 'skill'. But i just had to express my feelings, and given the topic, and my mood, this seemed like the best way to do it. Besides, I felt slightly disgraced that someone from my own country could say such ignorant and racist things while being insanely self righteous about it. I love being Asian, I love being Singaporean, but I hate how stupidity and sheer toad-in-a-well thinking is a large part of our culture here. I wanna change that. But how?
SO TODAY, I read back on some of my facebook notes, and I realized even though i've posted this on my blog before, I've never given the background for it! Reading this again for the first time in about a year...I kinda wince? at my language? Kinda too violent and it's totally not me at this point it time... but oh well. I'm proud of myself you know? Even if the words suck, the passion is there. And I hate when people are racist out of ignorance. I mean, it's understandable, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm glad my BFFFs are totally not racist out of ignorance... if they're racist, they have good reason to be. And that's why I love em, to bits!! =D
Couldn't think of a title for this.. heh heh.
So i went out with my girlfriend today
Started talking shit bout small dicked freaks
Guess who's name came up? When what i say hits you between the eyes
Tag yourself and then go hang yourself up beside your skinny ties...
Here's the deal you'r a wannabe, smartass, racist, and narcissist
If you wanna be a narc at least look better than a badly dressed wildebeest
Don't get it wrong ths isn't me doing random hatin
This is me sayin you need a Summer Selection two oh ten'
Wearin jackets when it's flyin higher den 33 celcius
Wearin 'em longer days than it takes to read all works of Confucious
[and that's sllllllowly, like mr naresh doin 'rithmetic with an abacus]
I'm like, Duude apple green plaid so ain't your colour-
Get mama t' buy you new clothes, make you look less rehdiculous!
Now let's deal with how you're a muthafuckin racist
Hell im pissed and you aint' even against my own race
Saying how you assumin they all are poor, cos it's a Black Life
Oh oh did you really say that? Can't believe that! Who'da thunk that? Get ready to lose your sad life TWAT..!
People bein smart referring to happy things like cartoon celebration
You start sayin that means they had no childhood with no ed-u-ca-tion
Maybe grew up living off of gov'ment rations
Maybe tryna prove themselves cos they poor an need rehabilitation
Sayin you don't know what it means but you THINK it means this
Muthafucka shut up my Tiny Asian Ass you may kiss
If you don't know don't show, hell u make yourself so easy to diss
Make a story for kids bout you, imma make em laugh harder den Dr. Seuss
When you losin you say we sharin
"So no hard feelings let's get back to carin"
Fuckin' helllll no I wanna rip you up, make you featherbedding
Punch ya teeth in with my taser, talkin to idiots is depressin
Hearin your screams would be oh soooooo refreshin!
You say i make you feel like an idiot when you're not
Then why you let me get to you, actin like I got you shot
Drop the act you ain't no big shot
Fool'd that pretty bitch but that's cos i'm hardcore and she's not
Truth is she's backed out on you guess you took a potty shot
Can't have pretty ladies hangin on you so you take da Not-Lot
Guess u do lead da life of a [haha!] laughin stock~~~
Go 'head and say i'm an arrogant bitch
Least im not a you wit a tiny dick
OOOO wait maybe that's why your bitch left you
Couldn't make her get no sa-tis-fac-tion
Stick a clit-o-ris in your face you wouldn't even know how to suck on it
Couldn't find pussy if a signpost pointed straight to it
But then you so tiny, it's be loose, it wouldn't even fit.
My girlfriend coined the "cover da face n attack d base'' -dat's some neat shit
But with you i think you gotta sleep with cadavers..or ooooh someone effeminate
Maybe that's why you playin da race card
Cos you're soft and they're hard
When you B.S.O.D they be httin RESTART
You'd fit my two fingers dey fillin both hands
My girlfriend says some even stick out the ends ;)