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Dawn.
I try to find clarity in this constantly changing world.
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♥Friday, January 06, 2012, 11:34 PM
2011: Where the heck did it go?!
Since i'm sure i'll be able to live 2011 out, what resolutions shall I make???These were my resolutions in 2011. Things added in colour are my comments now, in 2012.
Physically, I wanna lose 3 kg and get abs...not scary 6 pack abs, but abs. (well, kinda. Half way there!) And I wanna restore my hair to its ORIGINAL LENGTH OF 20cm. (again, almost. It's longer, that counts!) as well as fix my stubborn skin problems aka ugly face skin. (It's improved a miniscule amount.)
Mentally, I wanna push my grades up as much as possible before I graduate [tentatively] in NOVEMBER. ( I DID! I SUCESSFULLY GRADUATED) Whoa that's fast. So far my grades have been hovering around the 75th percentile...I want the 80th percentile....also I should probably stop watching so much TV so as to preserve precious brain cells needed to fulfill this goal. (NOPE. Still watching TV. heh.)
Spiritually, meh. I like keeping my spiritual life a secret. It's between me and God, not Me, You, and God. However, I may have to rethink this policy if I get into a relationship this year. Cuz i've realized that HONESTLY the only way to have a successful relationship is if you make God the third party. I'm not trying to be preachy or anything...just stating my personal opinion. Basically cause I suck SO BAD at relationships... so..yea. =) [no comment. I still suck]
Socially, I want to be a better daughter. Or, keep being a better daughter. I'm quite proud of myself cause my 'rebellious' stage is pretty much over and the only fights I have with my mom are those times when I feel she doesn't love me enough. Mwahhahahaha. =D (ask my parents.. =P)
[childish or what? Can't help it i'm an only child! hehe]
As for friends, I want to be a better friend. Sometimes I slip up and I dont listen as well as I should, or I don't say the right things, or I do the wrong thing... well, I'm gonna try harder to be a better BFFF to all my BFFFs!!! =D [y'all know who you are!!] (again, ask them. I can only try :D )
Boyfriend-wise...I have none at the current moment.... =D yes yes whatever stop asking me when i'm gonna get another! But I have a special friend, and if ever, IF EVER, we become something more, I'm going to try to be like a milllion more times understanding and patient and nurturing than I was this year....PROVIDED he puts in the same effort. See i've learned another thing this year... I must NOT, really really NOT, try and love unconditionally. It drives you crazy in the end. So now it comes with clauses. I'm gonna put in effort, as long as YOU put in the same effort. Otherwise we're gonna fail.... and this goes for all relationships in the future [if any]... it's 50% 50% baby, I'm never gonna try and pull the whole 100% by myself again. =) (no comment)
AND IN GENERAL, to society, I've decided to try and be more open. I'm gonna put myself out there and smile, even if I dont feel like smiling, Cause EVERYONE knows that when you see someone smile, you're gonna feel like smiling too!! =D Also, My Awesome Bfff once told me that I may push people away without realizing it... and heck ..it may be true for some... so! I've also resolved to give all human kind a second chance...with the exception of those on my black list... DONT WORRY IF YOU'RE ON MY [very short] BLACK LIST YOU'RE OVER 30 YRS OLD. (Yes. I DID TRY. maybe 25% nicer now. LOL )
SO THERE!!! My resolutions, trimmed down and generalized and summarized.
I'm so tempted to recycle my template for my post last year... but Ishant be lazy. in case you're interested -.-.... here's the link to my post in 2011.
http://www.bleeding-ice.blogspot.com/2011_01_01_archive.html
this year, I was just too distracted to post on the first day of the year, but it's....January 6th... and i'm sure.. it's still the first of January somewhere in this universe...Mars maybe..or Pluto... anyway! :)
SO. Here begins my post proper.. about what 2011 has been like for me... which shall then be followed by my 2012 resolutions. Get it? First a summary of the year, then my new resolutions. Okay. Let's begin.
TwentyEleven:
I expected it to be hard. Expectation met.
You know how every new year you hope that the next year will be less crappy than the last? Well it doesn't work that way. Unless you had a really horrible year and fell down a flight of steps onto the street then got run over by a lorry and had to undergo massive internal surgery... then yeah, you'd probably have a better year because the odds of that happening again are just..slim.) But it doesn't get easier, in most cases, you just get stronger.
I'd like to think 2011 made me stronger.
Physically, I increased my stamina and core strength. Worked out more frequently than in previous years. Thanks to my awesome yoga/exercise/make weird groaning sounds buddy Tatcha :D Also discovered a new way (in the last month of the year), thanks to my lovely babygirl lizaT, how to lose/maintain my weight. So yes. I've grown stronger. I can now run for 3 minutes without dying.
Mentally, I can't decide. There were times I felt like I was literally going crazy. So many emotions and so many thoughts just bouncing around in my head until I felt I couldn't breathe. My rage is also a major issue. Only one person can make me scream and yell and kinda lose all resemblance to a sane homo sapien. But maybe that's just, a girl thing. I dont know. But I think i'm better able to talk things through now, which is probablyyyy a sign of mental health... I THINK. I know i'm happier right now. More at peace and focusing more on my future than anything else.
Academically, I'm kind of satisfied with myself. I know to you people who've graduated and started your careers or even those of you who're attending 'better' universities and stuff, it may seem like an easy task to graduate from Curtin. But it wasn't. Or maybe it was and i'm just underskilled. HAHA. Either way, I'm really happy to have sucessfully finished a 3 year course in 2 years, while managing NOT to fail any modules. There were modules I thought I'd fail, [like Marketing 100, Derivatives, Finance Anaysis] But I didn't. :) It's definitely not on me... it's thanks to my parents who never stressed me out, my friends who helped make classes bearable, other friends who helped me study, my supportive and helpful lecturers (some) like Jeffrey PCH... (AHAHA) and Surya and Pearce and Mr Potato Head (I forgot his name) and the Young Nerdy Lecturer...I'd have failed if it weren't for all these lovely people.
Socially, LOL. We all know how horribly awkward I am in large groups of people (read: more than 2)... so I'm just going to count it a win than I didn't lose any friends [I THINK] and I even gained one or two new ones... :)
Spiritually, again, that's between me and God. I dont like publicizing my religion. Not because I'm ashamed of it, but because I dont want to come across as a hypocrite. Why would I tell you how many times I pray, or how my devotional life is, or what i've done to get closer to God? That's just kinda...showy.. to me. So no. But I do want to thank God for bringing my family and friends safely through another year. He's given me so much in this past year, sometimes I wonder what I've done to deserve it. He's helped me graduate, helped me keep my head up even when things got rough, and helped me learn many many many things.
I dont know why, but everytime I think about 2011, I'm just going to remember a lot of pain and uncertainty, as well as happiness and memories. I may be learning to trust again, or maybe it's just me learning to be more independent. I dont know. Yet I feel a sense of...growth. I feel... stronger. I feel... free. I feel... like my own person again. Maybe it's time to make some changes to my life. I do not know. But I know that 2011 was a good year for me. I learned a lot. The learning may have been painful, but it was worth it.
I don't have any changes to my life plan as yet.. Still want kids by 26-27, retire by 33-35, switch to part time jobs and take care of my children... Although it may not be possible, it's alright to have a plan. :)
Right now, in 2012, I'm going to focus on my career. I need to get a job. I need to work, and learn as quickly as possible, gain experience, and become an even stronger person.
I have resolutions... quite shallow ones, but here they are.
- Get a job.
- Be better at shopping.
- Buy an iphone.
- Lose 3-4 kg (so people don’t shake when they carry me hahahaha!).
- Write more.
- Speak better english/mandarin.
- Complete a dance course.
- Be more politically correct.
- Exercise on a regular basis (frequent).
- Maintain a tidier room.
Here's to hoping 2012 is a marvelous year that will teach me much much more [hopefully in less painful ways]....and it is my sincereeeee and heartfelt wish that all relationships and friendships will only grow stronger and never weaker.
Me.